How To Get Husband Back During Divorce
Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say for your spouse — I am sure you all agree!
By saying this, you’re admitting that you have messed up and have hurt among those people that you love the most. It’s never easy.
However, the thing is, we’re all human and most of us make mistakes. And regrettably, sometimes we make mistakes which actually hurt our partners.
When this occurs, it is our job to take responsibility and apologize, EVEN when your mistake is so BIG you feel like there’s nearly “too much” to apologize for.
It is true that the deeper the hurt, the longer the healing process will take.
Continue below to learn what these steps are, and don’t hesitate to talk about experiences and your own thoughts at the end. How To Get Husband Back During Divorce
5 Step to Say “I’m Sorry” and Really Mean It. How To Get Husband Back During Divorce
1. Forgive yourself
You could be thinking something like: “How in the world could I ever forgive myself?” Or “How do an apology start with ME?”
However there are numerous reasons why it’s imperative to try to make peace with yourself after you have made a mistake.
First of all, dwelling on self-loathing and remorseful thoughts is going to use all of your emotional energy up.
This isn’t going to be useful for your marriage or you, since it keeps the focus on the PROBLEM, rather than what you can do to repair it. If you can accept the mistake you have made, you will be able to then focus your energy on what you can do in order to make up for it.
Allow me to be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you are not clearing yourself of any blame… You openly admit that you have made a mistake.
But you are also acknowledging that the behaviour you have done wrong does not mean you’re a bad person as a whole and you’ve got the opportunity to be your best self from now on…
2. Apologize to your partner and take full responsibility
When it comes to saying sorry, the earlier the better. But, an apology has to be said with feeling and real sincerity to work.
So you will need the time to calm down until you confer with your spouse, take this moment. An sarcastic or angry apology will only make the situation even more worse.
As hard as it is, look into your spouse’s eyes when you go to apologize to them.
For example; “I’m so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you were looking forward to going out and how disappointed and hurt you must’ve felt when I came home late”.
Lastly, never never NEVER say “I am sorry” and follow this up with a “but” or an excuse.
For instance: “I’m so sorry I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you were looking forward to heading out and how frustrated and hurt you must’ve felt when I came home late. BUT the reason why I forgot about dinner is because YOU didn’t remind me this morning. You know I am busy with work and find it hard to keep track of what is happening sometimes”.
This is going to make your apology meaningless, and even indicate that you’re BLAMING your partner — that is only going to push them further away.
So take full responsibility for the actions… don’t try to downplay your mistake to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it won’t work!) And focus just on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. How To Get Husband Back During Divorce
3. Make promises for the future
Come up with a strategy to ensure your mistake won’t be repeated in the future and convey this to your partner. Just make sure any promises you make can be followed upon.
“I will have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her from my telephone, Facebook, Twitter, and will let you know immediately if he/she ever tries to get in touch with me.
I am happy to give you access to all my account and my telephone if this would be helpful to you|If that would be helpful to you, I am pleased to give you open access. I promise to keep in communication with you about what I am doing and from today on I will always be at home when I say I will.
I really want to make this work and will do anything it takes. I can clear my schedule out of work so I can spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you’re comfortable with at this time.” How To Get Husband Back During Divorce
4. Accept your spouse’s reaction
A frequent premise that a partner often makes is that when they have apologized, their husband or wife should stop being mad or sad and give forgiveness to them.
And if this does not happen, the apologizing spouse stinks and says something along the lines of: “I have just apologized! What more to you want me to do?! Why can’t you just accept it and move on?!”
The thing is, you can ask your husband or wife for their forgiveness, but you can’t FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their choice.
So don’t expect anything from your partner right now.
Yes, you are making yourself vulnerable and yes, it might feel excruciating being met angry words or by your spouse’s silence. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I’m sorry”.
So avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, even though this might be your first instinct — since it is only going to reverse the good you have just accomplished by apologizing.
And now is certainly not the time to start pointing fingers and trying to get back in your spouse for whatever they’ve done.
All you can do right now, as hard as it can be, is give your partner time to come to terms with your apology and also see for themselves the changes on your behavior. Forgiveness will come with time. How To Get Husband Back During Divorce
5. Follow your apology up with positive actions
Saying sorry is important, but it isn’t sufficient on its own to cure your spouse’s hurt and move forward. It’s the ACTIONS that follow which really do the majority of the relationship repairing.
Apologies need to get backed up with favorable changes in behaviour, as otherwise your spouse will eliminate faith in you and will become more hurt and betrayed as a result.
If you’ve betrayed your partner in some manner, the key is to be utterly transparent with your spouse in future — don’t try to hide or cover up anything.
Keep the lines of communication open and be fair about what — where you are, what you’re doing, that you are with, what you are spending… EVERYTHING.
This may seem over-the-top, but the truth is that your partner is very likely to be feeling really vulnerable at the moment, and their trust in you has been shattered. So in order to their hope to be recovered, you need to leave literally zero doubts in their mind.
And keep in mind, one huge gesture of flowers and chocolates once you’ve messed up is fine, but it’s not going to get exactly the identical impact as continuous small actions to improve your behavior and show your partner how much you value them.
Even if your partner does not take your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to show how sorry you’re through loving actions, you’ve got the best hope of regaining their love and trust. How To Get Husband Back During Divorce