How To Get Husband Back After He Filed For Divorce
Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say for your partner — I am certain you all agree!
By saying so, you are admitting that you’ve messed up and have hurt among the people you love the most. It’s never simple.
But the thing is, we’re all human and most of us make mistakes. And unfortunately, sometimes we make mistakes that actually hurt our partners.
When this happens, it’s our job apologize and to take responsibility for our actions, EVEN when your mistake is so BIG you really feel like there’s nearly “too much” to apologize for.
It is a fact that the deeper the hurt, the longer the healing process will require.
Continue below to learn what these steps are, and feel free to talk about your own thoughts and experiences in the conclusion. How To Get Husband Back After He Filed For Divorce
5 Step to Say “I’m Sorry” and Really Mean It. How To Get Husband Back After He Filed For Divorce
1. Forgive yourself
You could be thinking something like: “How on earth could I ever forgive myself?” Or “How do an apology begin with ME?”
However there are several reasons why it is necessary to try to make peace with yourself after you have made a mistake.
To start with, dwelling on self-loathing and remorseful thoughts will use up all of your emotional energy.
This is NOT going to be useful for your marriage or you, since it keeps the focus on the issue, rather than what you can do to repair it. If you can accept the mistake you have made, you will be able to then focus your energy on what you could do in order to compensate for it.
Let me be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you are not clearing yourself of any blame… You freely admit that you’ve made a mistake.
But you’re also acknowledging that the behavior you have done wrong does not mean you’re a terrible person as a whole and you’ve got the opportunity to be your best self from now on…
2. Apologize to your spouse and take full responsibility
In regards to stating sorry, the sooner the better. However, an apology needs to be said with real sincerity and feeling to be effective.
So you need the time until you confer with your spouse, take this moment to calm down. An sarcastic or angry apology is only going to make the situation even more worse.
As difficult as it can, look into your partner’s eyes once you go to apologize to them.
For example; “I’m so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I know how much you had been looking forward to going out and just how disappointed and hurt you must’ve felt when I came home late”.
Last, never never NEVER say “I’m sorry” and follow this up with a “but” or an excuse.
For instance: “I’m so sorry I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you had been looking forward to going out and how disappointed and hurt you must’ve felt when I arrived home late. However, the reason I forgot about dinner is because YOU did not remind me this morning. You know I’m busy with work and find it hard to keep track of what is going on occasionally”.
This will make your apology meaningless, and also imply that you are BLAMING your spouse — which is only going to push them further away.
So accept full responsibility for your actions… Do not attempt to reevaluate your error to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it will not work!) And focus just on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. How To Get Husband Back After He Filed For Divorce
3. Make promises for the future
Come up with a strategy to ensure your mistake won’t be repeated in the future and communicate this to your spouse. Just make sure any promises you make could be followed upon.
“I have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her out of my telephone, Facebook, Twitter, and will inform you immediately if he/she tries to get in contact with me.
I’m happy to give you open access to all my accounts and my phone if that would be helpful to you|If this would be helpful to you, I am happy to give you open access to every one of my account and my phone. I promise to keep in regular communication with you about what I am doing and from today on I will always be at home when I say I will.
I truly want to make this work and will do whatever it takes. I will clear my schedule outside of work so I could spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you are comfortable with right now.” How To Get Husband Back After He Filed For Divorce
4. Accept your spouse’s reaction
A frequent premise that a partner frequently makes is that as soon as they have apologized, their spouse or spouse should stop being mad or sad and give forgiveness to them.
And if this doesn’t happen, the apologizing spouse explodes and says something along the lines of: “I have just apologized! What more to you need me to do?! Why can’t you just accept it and move on?!”
The thing is, you can ask your husband or wife for their forgiveness, but you can not FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their choice.
So don’t expect anything from your spouse at the moment.
Yes, you’re making yourself vulnerable and yes, it might feel excruciating being met by the silence or angry words of your spouse. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I’m sorry”.
Therefore avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, despite the fact that this may be your first instinct — as it will reverse the good you have done by apologizing.
And now is definitely not the time to begin pointing fingers and trying to get back at your spouse for anything they’ve done.
All you can do right now, as hard as it is, is give your partner time to come to terms with your apology and also see for themselves the adjustments on your behavior. Forgiveness will come with time. How To Get Husband Back After He Filed For Divorce
5. Follow your apology up with positive actions
Saying sorry is important, but it is not enough on its own to heal your partner’s hurt and move. It’s the ACTIONS that follow which really do most of the relationship fixing.
Apologies have to be backed up with positive changes in behavior, as otherwise your spouse will lose faith in you and also will end up more hurt and betrayed as a result.
If you have betrayed your spouse in some manner, the key is to be utterly transparent with your partner in future — don’t attempt to hide or cover anything up.
Keep the lines of communication open and be fair about everything — where you’re, what you are doing, that you are with, what you are spending… EVERYTHING.
This might appear over-the-top, but the simple truth is that your spouse is very likely to be feeling very vulnerable at the moment, and their hope in you has been ruined. So in order to their trust to be recovered, you have to leave literally zero doubts in their mind.
And keep in mind, one big gesture of chocolates and flowers after you’ve messed up is fine, but it’s not going to have exactly the same impact as continuous small steps to improve your behavior and show your partner how much you value them.
Even if your partner doesn’t take your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to demonstrate how sorry you are through loving actions, you’ve got the best hope of regaining their love and trust. How To Get Husband Back After He Filed For Divorce