How To Get Ex Husband Back After Divorce
Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say for your spouse — I’m certain you all agree!
By saying this, you are admitting that you have messed up and have hurt among the people that you love the most. It is never easy.
But the thing is, we’re all human and we make mistakes. And unfortunately, sometimes we make mistakes which really hurt our spouses.
When this occurs, it’s our job to take responsibility for our actions and apologize, EVEN when your mistake is so BIG you really feel like there’s nearly “too much” to apologize for.
It’s true that the deeper the hurt, the longer the recovery process will take.
Continue below to learn what these steps are, and feel free to talk about experiences and your own thoughts at the end. How To Get Ex Husband Back After Divorce
5 Step to Say “I’m Sorry” and Truly Mean It. How To Get Ex Husband Back After Divorce
1. Forgive yourself
You might be thinking something like: “How on earth could I ever forgive myself?” Or “How can an apology begin with ME?”
But there are numerous reasons why it is imperative to attempt to make peace with yourself once you have made a mistake.
To start with, dwelling on remorseful and self-loathing thoughts is going to use all of your emotional energy up.
This is NOT going to be useful for you or your marriage, since it keeps the focus on the PROBLEM, rather than what you can do to FIX it. If you can accept the mistake you’ve made, you will be able to focus your energy on what you could do to compensate for it.
Allow me to be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you are not clearing yourself of any blame… You freely admit that you have made a mistake.
However, you’re also acknowledging that the behaviour you’ve done wrong does not mean you are a bad person as a whole and you have the chance to be your very best self from now on…
2. Apologize to your spouse and take full responsibility
When it comes to saying sorry, the earlier the better. But, an apology has to be said with genuine sincerity and feeling to be effective.
So you will need the time to calm down until you apologize to your partner, take this time. An angry or sarcastic apology is only going to make the situation even more worse.
As difficult as it can, look into your spouse’s eyes once you go to confer with them.
For example; “I am so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I know how much you had been looking forward to going out and how disappointed and hurt you have felt when I came home late”.
Lastly, never never NEVER say “I am sorry” and follow this up with a “but” or an excuse.
For example: “I am so sorry I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I know how much you were looking forward to going out and how disappointed and hurt you must’ve felt when I came home late. However, the reason I forgot about dinner is because YOU did not remind me this morning. You know I am busy with work and find it hard to keep track of what is happening sometimes”.
This will make your apology meaningless, and even imply that you are BLAMING your partner — which is only going to push them farther away.
So take full responsibility for the actions… don’t try to downplay your mistake to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it will not work!) And focus only on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. How To Get Ex Husband Back After Divorce
3. Make promises for the future
Come up with a plan to make certain your mistake won’t be repeated in the future and convey this to your spouse. Make sure any promises you make could be followed upon.
“I have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her from my phone, Facebook, Twitter, and also will inform you immediately if he/she tries to get in touch with me.
I’m pleased to give you open access to all of my accounts and my phone if that would be helpful to you|If this would be helpful to you, I’m pleased to offer you open access to every one of my account and my phone. I promise to keep in regular communication with you and from now on I will always be at home when I say I will.
I really wish to make this work and will do whatever is needed. I will clear my schedule outside of work so that I can spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you’re comfortable with right now.” How To Get Ex Husband Back After Divorce
4. Accept your spouse’s reaction
A frequent assumption that a partner often makes is that as soon as they’ve apologized, wife or their husband should stop being sad or mad and give forgiveness to them.
And when this does not happen, the apologizing spouse explodes and says something along the lines of: “I’ve just apologized! What more to you want me to do?! Why can not you just accept it and move on?!”
The thing is, you can ask your husband or spouse for their forgiveness, but you can’t FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their own choice.
Therefore don’t expect anything from your spouse right now.
Yes, you’re making yourself vulnerable and yes, it might feel excruciating being met by the silence or angry words of your spouse. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I’m sorry”.
So avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, even though this might be your first instinct — since it will only undo the good you have just accomplished by apologizing.
And now is certainly not the time to begin pointing fingers and trying to get back at your spouse for whatever they’ve done.
All you can do now, as hard as it will be, is give your partner time to come to terms with your own apology and also see for themselves that the changes in your own behavior. Forgiveness will come with time. How To Get Ex Husband Back After Divorce
5. Follow your apology up with positive actions
Saying sorry is important, but it is not sufficient on its own to heal your partner’s hurt and move forward. It’s the ACTIONS that follow that really do the majority of the relationship repairing.
Apologies need to be backed up with favorable changes in behaviour, as otherwise your spouse will lose faith in you and will end up more hurt and betrayed consequently.
If you have betrayed your partner in some way, the biggest key is to be utterly transparent with your partner in future — don’t attempt to hide or cover anything up.
Keep the lines of communication open and be honest about everything — where you are, what you are doing, that you are with, what you’re spending… EVERYTHING.
This might appear counter-intuitive, however, the truth is that your spouse is likely to be feeling really vulnerable at the moment, and their hope in you has been shattered. So in order for their hope to be recovered, you have to leave literally zero doubts in their mind.
And remember, one huge gesture of flowers and chocolates once you have messed up is fine, but it is not going to get the identical effect as constant small steps to improve your behavior and reveal your spouse how much you appreciate them.
Even if your partner doesn’t take your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to demonstrate how sorry you’re through loving actions, you’ve got the best hope of regaining their love and trust. How To Get Ex Husband Back After Divorce