How To Get Back Your Husband After Divorce
Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say to your spouse — I’m sure you agree!
By saying so, you’re admitting that you’ve messed up and have hurt one of the people that you love the most. It’s never simple.
However, the thing is, we’re all human and most of us make mistakes. And regrettably, sometimes we make mistakes that actually hurt our partners.
When this happens, it is our job apologize and to take responsibility, EVEN whenever your mistake is so BIG you really feel like there’s almost “too much” to apologize for.
It’s a fact that the deeper the hurt, the longer the healing process will require.
Continue below to find out what these steps are, and feel free to share experiences and your thoughts in the conclusion. How To Get Back Your Husband After Divorce
5 Step to Say “I’m Sorry” and Really Mean It. How To Get Back Your Husband After Divorce
1. Forgive yourself
You might be thinking something like: “How in the world could I ever forgive myself?” Or “How do an apology begin with ME?”
But there are several reasons why it is necessary to try to make peace with yourself after you’ve made a mistake.
First of all, dwelling on thoughts that are self-loathing and remorseful is going to use up all of your emotional energy.
This isn’t going to be helpful for your marriage or you, as it keeps the focus on the issue, rather than what you can do to FIX it. If you can accept the mistake you have made, you’ll be able to focus your energy on what you can do in order to compensate for it.
Allow me to be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you’re not clearing yourself of any blame… You freely admit that you’ve made a mistake.
However, you are also acknowledging that the behaviour you have done wrong does not mean you are a bad person as a whole and you’ve got the opportunity to be your very best self from now on…
2. Apologize to your spouse and take full responsibility
In regards to stating sorry, the earlier the better. However, an apology needs to be said with feeling and real sincerity to work.
So you need the time before you confer with your partner, take this moment to calm down. An sarcastic or angry apology is only going to make the situation even more worse.
As difficult as it is, look at your spouse’s eyes once you go to confer with them.
For instance; “I’m so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you were looking forward to going out and how disappointed and hurt you have felt when I came home late”.
Lastly, never never NEVER say “I’m sorry” and follow it up with a “but” or an excuse.
For instance: “I am so sorry I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you had been looking forward to heading out and how frustrated and hurt you must’ve felt when I came home late. BUT the reason I forgot about dinner is because YOU did not remind me this morning. You know I’m busy with work and find it difficult to keep track of what is happening sometimes”.
This is going to make your apology meaningless, and also imply that you are BLAMING your spouse — which is just going to push them further away.
So take full responsibility for your actions… Do not try to downplay your mistake to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it won’t work!) And concentrate just on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. How To Get Back Your Husband After Divorce
3. Make promises for the future
Come up with a strategy to ensure your mistake won’t be repeated in the future and communicate this to your spouse. Just make sure any promises you make could be followed up on.
“I will have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her from my telephone, Facebook, Twitter, and will let you know immediately if he/she ever tries to get in contact with me.
I’m pleased to give you access to all of my account and my telephone if this would be helpful to you|If this would be helpful to you, I’m pleased to give you access. I promise to keep in regular communication with you and from now on I will always be at home when I say I will.
I truly wish to make this work and will do whatever it takes. I will clear my schedule outside of work so I could spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you are comfortable with right now.” How To Get Back Your Husband After Divorce
4. Accept your spouse’s reaction
A frequent assumption that a spouse frequently makes is that as soon as they’ve apologized, wife or their husband should stop being angry or sad and give them forgiveness.
And if this does not happen, the apologizing spouse stinks and says something along the lines of: “I have just apologized! What more to you need me to do?! Why can not you just accept it and move on?!”
The thing is, you can ask your husband or wife for their forgiveness, but you can not FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their decision.
So don’t expect anything from your partner at the moment.
Yes, you are making yourself vulnerable and yes, it may feel excruciating being met angry words or by your spouse’s silence. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I’m sorry”.
Therefore avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, even though this may be your first instinct — as it will reverse the good you have just done by apologizing.
And now is certainly not the time to begin pointing fingers and trying to get back at your spouse for whatever they’ve done.
All you can do right now, as hard as it is, is give your spouse time to come to terms with your own apology and see for themselves the changes on your own behavior. Forgiveness will come with time. How To Get Back Your Husband After Divorce
5. Follow your apology up with positive actions
Saying sorry is important, but it isn’t sufficient on its own to cure your spouse’s harm and move forward. It’s the ACTIONS that follow that actually do the majority of the relationship fixing.
Apologies have to be backed up with favorable changes in behaviour, as otherwise your spouse will eliminate faith in you and will become more hurt and betrayed consequently.
If you have betrayed your spouse in some manner, the biggest key is to be ABSOLUTELY transparent with your spouse in future — do not try to hide or cover up anything.
Keep the lines of communication open and be honest about everything — where you’re, what you are doing, that you are with, what you’re spending… EVERYTHING.
This might seem counter-intuitive, however, the truth is that your spouse is very likely to be feeling really vulnerable right now, and their trust in you has been ruined. So in order for their hope to be recovered, you need to leave literally no doubts in their mind.
And remember, one big gesture of flowers and chocolates after you’ve messed up is nice, but it is not going to get exactly the same effect as constant small actions to improve your behaviour and reveal your spouse how much you value them.
Even if your spouse does not accept your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to demonstrate how sorry you are through loving actions, you have the hope of regaining their love and trust. How To Get Back Your Husband After Divorce