How To Get Back With My Ex Husband
Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say for your partner — I’m sure you agree!
By saying so, you’re admitting that you’ve messed up and have hurt one of those people you love the most. It is never easy.
But the thing is, we’re all human and most of us make mistakes. And unfortunately, sometimes we make mistakes that really hurt our spouses.
When this occurs, it is our job to take responsibility and apologize, EVEN when your mistake is so BIG you really feel like there’s nearly “too much” to apologize for.
It is a fact that the deeper the hurt, the longer the recovery process will require.
Continue below to find out what these steps are, and feel free to talk about experiences and your own thoughts at the end. How To Get Back With My Ex Husband
5 Step to Say “I’m Sorry” and Truly Mean It. How To Get Back With My Ex Husband
1. Forgive yourself
You might be thinking something like: “How in the world could I ever forgive myself?” Or “How do an apology start with ME?”
But there are numerous reasons why it is necessary to attempt to make peace with yourself after you’ve made a mistake.
To start with, dwelling on thoughts that are remorseful and self-loathing is going to use all of your emotional energy up.
This isn’t going to be helpful for you or your marriage, since it keeps the focus on the PROBLEM, rather than what you can do to FIX it. If you can accept the mistake you have made, you will be able to focus your energy on what you could do in order to compensate for it.
Let me be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you are not clearing yourself of any blame… You openly admit that you’ve made a mistake.
However, you’re also acknowledging that the behavior you’ve done wrong does not mean you are a terrible person as a whole and you’ve got the chance to be your best self from now on…
2. Apologize to your spouse and accept full responsibility
When it comes to saying sorry, the earlier the better. However, an apology has to be said with feeling and real sincerity to be effective.
So you need time before you confer with your partner, take this moment to calm down. An sarcastic or angry apology is only going to make the situation even more worse.
As hard as it can, look into your partner’s eyes when you go to confer with them.
For example; “I am so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you were looking forward to going out and just how disappointed and hurt you must’ve felt when I came home late”.
Lastly, never never NEVER say “I’m sorry” and follow this up with a “but” or an excuse.
For instance: “I’m so sorry I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I know how much you had been looking forward to going out and how disappointed and hurt you must’ve felt when I arrived home. BUT the reason I forgot about dinner is because YOU did not remind me this afternoon. You know I’m busy with work and find it hard to keep track of what is happening sometimes”.
This is going to make your apology meaningless, and also indicate that you are BLAMING your partner — which is just going to push them farther away.
So take full responsibility for the actions… Do not attempt to reevaluate your error to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it will not work!) And concentrate only on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. How To Get Back With My Ex Husband
3. Make promises for the future
Come up with a plan to make certain your mistake will not be repeated in the future and convey this to your spouse. Just make sure any promises you make can be followed up on.
“I will have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her from my telephone, Facebook, Twitter, and also will let you know instantly if he/she tries to get in contact with me.
I am pleased to give you open access to all of my accounts and my telephone if that would be helpful to you|If this would be helpful to you, I’m happy to give you access. I promise to keep in communication with you and from today on I will always be at home when I say I will.
I truly want to make this work and will do whatever it takes. I will clear my schedule out of work so that I could spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you are comfortable with at this time.” How To Get Back With My Ex Husband
4. Accept your spouse’s reaction
A common premise that a spouse often makes is that when they’ve apologized, their spouse or spouse should stop being angry or sad and give them forgiveness.
And when this doesn’t happen, the apologizing spouse stinks and says something along the lines of: “I’ve just apologized! What more to you need me to do?! Why can’t you just accept it and move on?!”
The thing is, you can ask your husband or wife for their forgiveness, but you can’t FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their decision.
So don’t expect anything from your partner at the moment.
It’s true, you’re making yourself vulnerable and yes, it may feel excruciating being met by your partner’s silence or angry words. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I am sorry”.
So avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, even though this might be your first instinct — as it is only going to undo the good you have just accomplished by apologizing.
And now is definitely not the time to start pointing fingers and trying to get back at your partner for whatever they’ve done.
All you can do now, as hard as it can be, is give your partner time to come to terms with your own apology and see for themselves that the changes in your behavior. Forgiveness will come with time. How To Get Back With My Ex Husband
5. Follow your apology up with positive actions
Saying sorry is important, but it is not enough on its own to heal your spouse’s harm and move forward. It’s the ACTIONS that follow which actually do most of the relationship fixing.
Apologies need to be backed up with positive changes in behaviour, as otherwise your partner will lose faith in you and will end up more hurt and betrayed as a result.
If you’ve betrayed your spouse in some way, the key is to be ABSOLUTELY transparent with your spouse in future — don’t attempt to hide or cover anything up.
Keep the lines of communication open and be honest about everything — where you are, what you’re doing, who you are with, what you are spending… EVERYTHING.
This may appear counter-intuitive, however, the truth is that your spouse is very likely to be feeling really vulnerable right now, and their trust in you has been ruined. So in order for their trust to be recovered, you need to leave literally no doubts in their mind.
And remember, one huge gesture of flowers and chocolates once you’ve messed up is fine, but it’s not going to have the same impact as continuous small actions to improve your behaviour and show your partner how much you appreciate them.
Even if your spouse does not accept your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to demonstrate how sorry you are through loving actions, you’ve got the best hope of regaining their love and trust. How To Get Back With My Ex Husband