How I Got My Husband Back After Separation
Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say to your partner — I’m sure you agree!
By saying so, you’re admitting that you have messed up and have hurt among those people you love the most. It’s never easy.
But the thing is, we’re all human and we ALL make mistakes. And unfortunately, sometimes we make mistakes which actually hurt our partners.
When this happens, it’s our job apologize and to take responsibility, EVEN when your mistake is so BIG you feel like there’s nearly “too much” to apologize for.
It’s a fact that the deeper the hurt, the longer the healing process will require.
Continue below to find out what these steps are, and feel free to share your thoughts and experiences in the conclusion. How I Got My Husband Back After Separation
5 Step to Say “I Am Sorry” and Really Mean It. How I Got My Husband Back After Separation
1. Forgive yourself
You could be thinking something like: “How on earth could I ever forgive myself?” Or “How do an apology begin with ME?”
But there are several reasons why it is necessary to try to make peace with yourself once you have made a mistake.
First of all, dwelling on thoughts that are self-loathing and remorseful will use up all of your emotional energy.
This is NOT going to be helpful for your marriage or you, as it keeps the focus on the issue, rather than what you can do to repair it. If you can accept the mistake you’ve made, you’ll have the ability to focus your energy on what you can do in order to compensate for it.
Let me be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you are not clearing yourself of any blame… You openly admit that you have made a mistake.
But you’re also acknowledging that the behavior you have done wrong does not mean you’re a bad person as a whole and you’ve got the opportunity to be your best self from now on…
2. Apologize to your partner and accept full responsibility
When it comes to saying sorry, the sooner the better. However, an apology has to be said with feeling and real sincerity to work.
So you will need time to calm down before you confer with your spouse, take this moment. An sarcastic or angry apology will only make the situation even more worse.
As difficult as it can, look into your spouse’s eyes once you go to apologize to them.
For example; “I’m so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you were looking forward to going out and how disappointed and hurt you must’ve felt when I came home late”.
Last, never never NEVER say “I am sorry” and follow it up with a “but” or an excuse.
For instance: “I am so sorry I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I know how much you were looking forward to heading out and how frustrated and hurt you must’ve felt when I came home. However, the reason why I forgot about dinner is because YOU didn’t remind me this morning. You know I am busy with work and find it difficult to keep track of what’s happening occasionally”.
This is going to make your apology meaningless, and even imply that you are BLAMING your spouse — which is just going to push them further away.
So accept full responsibility for your actions… don’t try to reevaluate your error to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it will not work!) And concentrate just on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. How I Got My Husband Back After Separation
3. Make promises for the future
Come up with a strategy to ensure your mistake won’t be repeated in the future and convey this to your partner. Just make sure any promises you make can be followed upon.
“I will have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her out of my telephone, Facebook, Twitter, and also will let you know instantly if he/she tries to get in contact with me.
I am happy to give you open access to all my accounts and my phone if that would be helpful to you|If that would be helpful to you, I’m pleased to offer you access. I promise to keep in regular communication with you and from today on I will always be at home when I say I will.
I truly want to make this work and will do anything it takes. I will clear my schedule outside of work so that I can spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you are comfortable with right now.” How I Got My Husband Back After Separation
4. Accept your spouse’s reaction
A common assumption that a spouse often makes is that when they have apologized, wife or their husband should stop being sad or mad and give forgiveness to them.
And when this does not happen, the apologizing spouse explodes and says something along the lines of: “I’ve just apologized! What more to you want me to do?! Why can’t you just accept it and move on?!”
The thing is, you can ask your husband or spouse for their forgiveness, but you can’t FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their own decision.
So don’t expect anything from your partner at the moment.
It’s true, you’re making yourself vulnerable and yes, it may feel excruciating being met by your partner’s silence or angry words. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I am sorry”.
So avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, despite the fact that this may be your initial instinct — as it will only reverse the good you have just done by apologizing.
And now is definitely not the time to begin pointing fingers and trying to get back in your spouse for whatever they have done.
All you can do now, as hard as it will be, is give your partner time to come to terms with your own apology and see for themselves that the changes on your behavior. Forgiveness will come with time. How I Got My Husband Back After Separation
5. Follow your apology up with positive actions
Saying sorry is vital, but it isn’t enough on its own to cure your spouse’s hurt and move forward. It’s the ACTIONS that follow that actually do most of the relationship repairing.
Apologies have to get backed up with favorable changes in behaviour, as otherwise your partner will lose faith in you and also will become more hurt and betrayed as a result.
If you have betrayed your spouse in some way, the secret is to be utterly transparent with your partner in future — do not try to hide or cover up anything.
Keep the lines of communication open and be honest about what — where you’re, what you are doing, that you’re with, what you are spending… EVERYTHING.
This may appear counter-intuitive, however, the simple truth is that your partner is very likely to be feeling very vulnerable right now, and their hope in you has been shattered. So in order for their hope to be regained, you have to leave literally no doubts in their mind.
And remember, one big gesture of flowers and chocolates after you’ve messed up is fine, but it is not likely to get exactly the identical impact as constant small steps to improve your behaviour and show your partner how much you appreciate them.
Even if your partner doesn’t take your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to show how sorry you’re through loving actions, you’ve got the best hope of regaining their love and trust. How I Got My Husband Back After Separation