How Do I Get My Husband Back After Divorce
Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say to your spouse — I am certain you agree!
By saying this, you are admitting that you’ve messed up and have hurt one of those people that you love the most. It is never simple.
However, the thing is, we’re all human and we make mistakes. And unfortunately, sometimes we make mistakes which really hurt our spouses.
When this happens, it’s our job to take responsibility for our actions and apologize, EVEN when your mistake is so BIG you really feel like there’s almost “too much” to apologize for.
It’s a fact that the deeper the hurt, the longer the recovery process will require.
Continue below to find out what these steps are, and don’t hesitate to share your own thoughts and experiences at the conclusion. How Do I Get My Husband Back After Divorce
5 Step to Say “I’m Sorry” and Really Mean It. How Do I Get My Husband Back After Divorce
1. Forgive yourself
You could be thinking something like: “How in the world can I ever forgive myself?” Or “How do an apology start with ME?”
However there are several reasons why it’s necessary to try to make peace with yourself once you have made a mistake.
First of all, dwelling on thoughts that are remorseful and self-loathing will use all of your emotional energy up.
This is NOT going to be useful for you or your marriage, since it keeps the focus on the PROBLEM, rather than what you can do to FIX it. If you can accept the mistake you have made, you will be able to then focus your energy on what you can do to make up for it.
Allow me to be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you’re not clearing yourself of any blame… You openly admit that you have made a mistake.
However, you’re also acknowledging that the behaviour you’ve done wrong does not mean you are a terrible person as a whole and you have the opportunity to be your best self from now on…
2. Apologize to your spouse and accept full responsibility
When it comes to saying sorry, the earlier the better. However, an apology needs to be said with feeling and genuine sincerity to work.
So you will need the time before you confer with your partner, take this time to calm down. An angry or sarcastic apology is only going to make the situation even more worse.
As hard as it can, look at your partner’s eyes when you go to confer with them.
For example; “I’m so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you were looking forward to going out and just how disappointed and hurt you have felt when I came home late”.
Last, never never NEVER say “I’m sorry” and follow it up with a “but” or an excuse.
For instance: “I am so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you were looking forward to heading out and how disappointed and hurt you must’ve felt when I came home. However, the reason why I forgot about dinner is because YOU did not remind me this afternoon. You know I’m busy with work and find it hard to keep track of what is happening occasionally”.
This is going to make your apology meaningless, and even indicate that you’re BLAMING your partner — that is just going to push them further away.
So take full responsibility for the actions… don’t attempt to reevaluate your error to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it won’t work!) And focus just on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. How Do I Get My Husband Back After Divorce
3. Make promises for the future
Come up with a strategy to make certain your mistake will not be repeated in the future and communicate this to your partner. Make sure any promises you make can be followed upon.
“I have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her from my phone, Facebook, Twitter, and also will inform you immediately if he/she ever tries to get in contact with me.
I am happy to give you access to all of my account and my telephone if this would be helpful to you|If this would be helpful to you, I am pleased to give you open access. I promise to keep in communication with you about what I am doing and from today on I will always be at home when I say I will.
I really want to make this work and will do anything it takes. I can clear my schedule outside of work so that I can spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you’re comfortable with right now.” How Do I Get My Husband Back After Divorce
4. Accept your spouse’s reaction
A frequent premise that a partner often makes is that when they’ve apologized, their husband or wife should stop being angry or sad and give forgiveness to them.
And if this does not happen, the apologizing spouse stinks and says something along the lines of: “I’ve just apologized! What more to you want me to do?! Why can’t you just accept it and move on?!”
The thing is, you can ask your husband or wife for their forgiveness, but you can not FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their own choice.
Therefore don’t expect anything from your spouse at the moment.
Yes, you’re making yourself vulnerable and yes, it may feel excruciating being met angry words or by your spouse’s silence. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I am sorry”.
Therefore avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, despite the fact that this might be your first instinct — as it will only reverse the good you have accomplished by apologizing.
And now is definitely not the time to start pointing fingers and trying to get back in your partner for anything they’ve done.
All you can do right now, as hard as it is, is give your spouse time to come to terms with your own apology and see for themselves the changes in your own behavior. Forgiveness will come with time. How Do I Get My Husband Back After Divorce
5. Follow your apology up with positive actions
Saying sorry is vital, but it is not sufficient on its own to cure your spouse’s harm and move forward. It’s the ACTIONS that follow which actually do most of the relationship fixing.
Apologies have to get backed up with positive changes in behavior, as otherwise your spouse will lose faith in you and will end up more hurt and betrayed as a result.
If you have betrayed your partner in some way, the biggest key is to be ABSOLUTELY transparent with your partner in future — don’t attempt to hide or cover up anything.
Keep the lines of communication open and be fair about what — where you are, what you are doing, who you are with, what you’re spending… EVERYTHING.
This may seem over-the-top, but the truth is that your spouse is likely to be feeling very vulnerable at the moment, and their trust in you has been ruined. So in order for their trust to be recovered, you have to leave literally no doubts in their own mind.
And keep in mind, one huge gesture of chocolates and flowers after you have messed up is fine, but it’s not likely to have exactly the identical impact as continuous small actions to improve your behaviour and show your partner how much you appreciate them.
Even if your spouse does not accept your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to demonstrate how sorry you are through loving actions, you’ve got the hope of regaining their love and trust. How Do I Get My Husband Back After Divorce