How Can I Get The Spark Back With My Husband

Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say for your spouse — I am certain you agree!

By saying so, you’re admitting that you’ve messed up and have hurt one of those people that you love the most. It’s never easy.

But the thing is, we are all human and we make mistakes. And unfortunately, sometimes we make mistakes which really hurt our spouses.

When this happens, it’s our job apologize and to take responsibility, EVEN when your mistake is so BIG you really feel like there’s nearly “too much” to apologize for.

It is a fact that the deeper the hurt, the longer the recovery process will take.

Continue below to find out what these steps are, and feel free to talk about your own thoughts and experiences at the end. How Can I Get The Spark Back With My Husband

 

5 Step to Say “I’m Sorry” and Truly Mean It. How Can I Get The Spark Back With My Husband

 

1. Forgive yourself

You could be thinking something like: “How in the world can I ever forgive myself?” Or “How do an apology start with ME?

However there are numerous reasons why it’s imperative to try to make peace with yourself after you have made a mistake.

First of all, dwelling on thoughts that are remorseful and self-loathing is going to use all of your emotional energy up.

This isn’t going to be helpful for you or your marriage, as it keeps the focus on the issue, rather than what you can do to repair it. If you can accept the mistake you have made, you’ll be able to then focus your energy on what you can do to compensate for it.

Let me be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you are not clearing yourself of any blame… You freely admit that you have made a mistake.

But you’re also acknowledging that the behaviour you have done wrong does not mean you are a bad person as a whole and you’ve got the opportunity to be your very best self from now on…

 

 

2. Apologize to your spouse and take full responsibility

In regards to saying sorry, the sooner the better. However, an apology has to be said with real sincerity and feeling to work.

So you will need time to calm down until you apologize to your partner, take this time. An angry or sarcastic apology will only make the situation even more worse.

As difficult as it can, look at your spouse’s eyes when you go to apologize to them.

For instance; “I am so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I know how much you had been looking forward to going out and how disappointed and hurt you have felt when I came home late”.

Last, never never NEVER say “I’m sorry” and follow this up with a “but” or an excuse.

For instance: “I am so sorry I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I know how much you had been looking forward to going out and how disappointed and hurt you have to’ve felt when I came home late. BUT the reason I forgot about dinner is because YOU didn’t remind me this afternoon. You know I am busy with work and find it difficult to keep track of what’s going on sometimes”.

This is going to make your apology meaningless, and even imply that you’re BLAMING your spouse — that is just going to push them further away.

So take full responsibility for your actions… don’t attempt to downplay your mistake to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it will not work!) And focus just on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. How Can I Get The Spark Back With My Husband

 

3. Make promises for the future

Come up with a plan to ensure your mistake won’t be repeated in the future and communicate this to your spouse. Make sure any promises you make can be followed upon.

For instance:

“I will have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her out of my telephone, Facebook, Twitter, and also will let you know instantly if he/she tries to get in contact with me.

I am happy to give you access to all my account and my telephone if that would be helpful to you|If this would be helpful to you, I’m happy to offer you access to every one my account and my telephone. I promise to keep in regular communication with you and from today on I will always be at home when I say I will.

I really want to make this work and will do whatever is needed. I will clear my schedule outside of work so I could spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you are comfortable with right now.” How Can I Get The Spark Back With My Husband

 

4. Accept your spouse’s reaction

A frequent premise that a partner frequently makes is that as soon as they have apologized, their husband or wife should stop being angry or sad and give forgiveness to them.

And when this doesn’t happen, the apologizing spouse stinks and says something along the lines of: “I have just apologized! What more to you need me to do?! Why can’t you just accept it and move on?!”

The thing is, you can ask your husband or spouse for their forgiveness, but you can’t FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their choice.

So don’t expect anything from your spouse right now.

Yes, you are making yourself vulnerable and yes, it might feel excruciating being met by your spouse’s silence or angry words. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I’m sorry”.

Therefore avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, even though this may be your first instinct — since it will only reverse the good you have just accomplished by apologizing.

And now is certainly not the time to start pointing fingers and trying to get back at your partner for whatever they have done.

All you can do right now, as hard as it is, is give your spouse time to come to terms with your own apology and see for themselves the adjustments in your behaviour. Forgiveness will come with time. How Can I Get The Spark Back With My Husband

 

5. Follow your apology up with positive actions

Saying sorry is important, but it is not sufficient on its own to cure your partner’s hurt and move. It’s the ACTIONS that follow which actually do most of the relationship fixing.

Apologies have to get backed up with favorable changes in behavior, as otherwise your partner will lose faith in you and also will become more hurt and betrayed as a result.

If you’ve betrayed your spouse in some way, the biggest key is to be ABSOLUTELY transparent with your partner in future — do not try to hide or cover anything up.

Keep the lines of communication open and be fair about what — where you are, what you are doing, that you’re with, what you are spending… EVERYTHING.

This might seem counter-intuitive, however, the simple truth is that your partner is likely to be feeling really vulnerable at the moment, and their hope in you has been ruined. So in order to their trust to be recovered, you have to leave literally no doubts in their mind.

And remember, one huge gesture of flowers and chocolates once you’ve messed up is nice, but it is not going to get the same effect as constant small actions to improve your behaviour and reveal your partner how much you appreciate them.

Even if your spouse doesn’t take your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to demonstrate how sorry you are through loving actions, you’ve got the best hope of regaining their love and trust. How Can I Get The Spark Back With My Husband

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