How Can I Get Back At My Ex Husband
Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say to your partner — I am sure you agree!
By saying this, you are admitting that you’ve messed up and have hurt one of those people that you love the most. It is never simple.
But the thing is, we are all human and most of us make mistakes. And unfortunately, sometimes we make mistakes that really hurt our partners.
When this occurs, it’s our job apologize and to take responsibility, EVEN when your mistake is so BIG you really feel like there’s almost “too much” to apologize for.
It’s a fact that the deeper the hurt, the longer the recovery process will take.
Continue below to learn what these steps are, and don’t hesitate to talk about experiences and your thoughts in the conclusion. How Can I Get Back At My Ex Husband
5 Step to Say “I’m Sorry” and Truly Mean It. How Can I Get Back At My Ex Husband
1. Forgive yourself
You might be thinking something like: “How on earth can I ever forgive myself?” Or “How can an apology start with ME?”
However there are numerous reasons why it’s necessary to try to make peace with yourself once you’ve made a mistake.
First of all, dwelling on thoughts that are remorseful and self-loathing is going to use all of your emotional energy up.
This is NOT going to be helpful for your marriage or you, since it keeps the focus on the PROBLEM, rather than what you can do to repair it. If you can accept the mistake you have made, you’ll have the ability to focus your energy on what you could do to compensate for it.
Let me be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you are not clearing yourself of any blame… You freely admit that you’ve made a mistake.
But you’re also acknowledging that the behaviour you have done wrong does not mean you are a terrible person as a whole and you have the chance to be your best self from now on…
2. Apologize to your spouse and take full responsibility
In regards to stating sorry, the earlier the better. However, an apology needs to be said with feeling and real sincerity to be effective.
So you will need time before you apologize to your partner, take this moment to calm down. An angry or sarcastic apology will make the situation even more worse.
As difficult as it is, look at your spouse’s eyes when you go to confer with them.
For example; “I am so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I know how much you were looking forward to going out and how disappointed and hurt you have felt when I came home late”.
Last, never never NEVER say “I’m sorry” and follow this up with a “but” or an excuse.
For example: “I’m so sorry I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you were looking forward to heading out and how frustrated and hurt you must’ve felt when I arrived home. However, the reason why I forgot about dinner is because YOU did not remind me this afternoon. You know I am busy with work and find it hard to keep track of what’s happening sometimes”.
This is going to make your apology meaningless, and also indicate that you’re BLAMING your spouse — that is only going to push them further away.
So accept full responsibility for the actions… don’t try to downplay your mistake to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it will not work!) And concentrate just on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. How Can I Get Back At My Ex Husband
3. Make promises for the future
Come up with a plan to make certain your mistake will not be repeated in the future and communicate this to your spouse. Make sure any promises you make can be followed up on.
“I will have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her from my phone, Facebook, Twitter, and will let you know immediately if he/she tries to get in contact with me.
I’m pleased to give you open access to all my accounts and my phone if this would be helpful to you|If that would be helpful to you, I am happy to give you access to all of my accounts and my phone. I promise to keep in communication with you and from today on I will always be at home when I say I will.
I really want to make this work and will do whatever is needed. I will clear my schedule outside of work so that I can spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you are comfortable with at this time.” How Can I Get Back At My Ex Husband
4. Accept your spouse’s reaction
A common premise that a partner often makes is that when they have apologized, their husband or wife should stop being sad or angry and give them forgiveness.
And if this doesn’t happen, the apologizing spouse explodes and says something along the lines of: “I have just apologized! What more to you need me to do?! Why can not you just accept it and move on?!”
The thing is, you can ask your husband or wife for their forgiveness, but you can not FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their decision.
Therefore don’t expect anything from your partner right now.
Yes, you are making yourself vulnerable and yes, it might feel excruciating being met by the silence or angry words of your spouse. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I’m sorry”.
So avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, even though this might be your first instinct — as it will reverse the good you have done by apologizing.
And now is certainly not the time to begin pointing fingers and trying to get back at your partner for whatever they have done.
All you can do right now, as hard as it will be, is give your spouse time to come to terms with your apology and see for themselves that the adjustments in your behavior. Forgiveness will come with time. How Can I Get Back At My Ex Husband
5. Follow your apology up with positive actions
Saying sorry is vital, but it isn’t enough on its own to heal your spouse’s harm and move forward. It’s the ACTIONS that follow that actually do the majority of the relationship repairing.
Apologies need to be backed up with positive changes in behaviour, as otherwise your spouse will lose faith in you and will become more hurt and betrayed consequently.
If you’ve betrayed your partner in some way, the biggest key is to be utterly transparent with your spouse in future — do not attempt to hide or cover up anything.
Keep the lines of communication open and be honest about everything — where you’re, what you’re doing, who you’re with, what you’re spending… EVERYTHING.
This might seem over-the-top, but the truth is that your partner is very likely to be feeling very vulnerable right now, and their trust in you has been ruined. So in order to their trust to be regained, you have to leave literally no doubts in their mind.
And remember, one big gesture of flowers and chocolates once you have messed up is fine, but it is not going to have exactly the same effect as constant small steps to improve your behaviour and reveal your spouse how much you appreciate them.
Even if your spouse doesn’t take your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to demonstrate how sorry you are through loving actions, you have the hope of regaining their trust and love. How Can I Get Back At My Ex Husband