Getting Your Husband Back After An Affair
Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say to your spouse — I am sure you all agree!
By saying this, you are admitting that you have messed up and have hurt among the people you love the most. It’s never simple.
However, the thing is, we are all human and most of us make mistakes. And unfortunately, sometimes we make mistakes that really hurt our spouses.
When this occurs, it is our job to take responsibility for our actions and apologize, EVEN when your mistake is so BIG you feel like there’s almost “too much” to apologize for.
It is a fact that the deeper the hurt, the longer the healing process will require.
Continue below to find out what these steps are, and feel free to talk about experiences and your own thoughts in the conclusion. Getting Your Husband Back After An Affair
5 Step to Say “I Am Sorry” and Really Mean It. Getting Your Husband Back After An Affair
1. Forgive yourself
You might be thinking something like: “How on earth could I ever forgive myself?” Or “How do an apology start with ME?”
But there are several reasons why it’s necessary to attempt to make peace with yourself after you have made a mistake.
To start with, dwelling on thoughts that are remorseful and self-loathing is going to use up all of your emotional energy.
This isn’t going to be useful for you or your marriage, as it keeps the focus on the PROBLEM, rather than what you can do to FIX it. If you can accept the mistake you’ve made, you’ll be able to focus your energy on what you can do in order to make up for it.
Let me be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you’re not clearing yourself of any blame… You openly admit that you’ve made a mistake.
But you are also acknowledging that the behaviour you’ve done wrong does not mean you’re a bad person as a whole and you’ve got the opportunity to be your best self from now on…
2. Apologize to your partner and accept full responsibility
When it comes to stating sorry, the sooner the better. However, an apology has to be said with genuine sincerity and feeling to work.
So you need time until you confer with your spouse, take this time to calm down. An angry or sarcastic apology will only make the situation even more worse.
As difficult as it is, look at your partner’s eyes when you go to confer with them.
For example; “I’m so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I know how much you had been looking forward to going out and just how disappointed and hurt you must’ve felt when I came home late”.
Lastly, never never NEVER say “I am sorry” and follow it up with a “but” or an excuse.
For instance: “I’m so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you had been looking forward to heading out and how disappointed and hurt you must’ve felt when I came home late. However, the reason I forgot about dinner is because YOU didn’t remind me this morning. You know I’m busy with work and find it difficult to keep track of what is happening sometimes”.
This is going to make your apology meaningless, and even indicate that you’re BLAMING your partner — which is only going to push them farther away.
So take full responsibility for the actions… don’t attempt to downplay your mistake to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it won’t work!) And concentrate just on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. Getting Your Husband Back After An Affair
3. Make promises for the future
Come up with a strategy to make certain your mistake will not be repeated in the future and communicate this to your partner. Just make sure any promises you make could be followed up on.
“I will have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her from my phone, Facebook, Twitter, and also will inform you immediately if he/she ever tries to get in touch with me.
I’m pleased to give you access to all of my account and my phone if this would be helpful to you|If this would be helpful to you, I’m happy to offer you access. I promise to keep in regular communication with you and from today on I will always be at home when I say I will.
I truly want to make this work and will do anything is needed. I will clear my schedule out of work so I can spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you are comfortable with at this time.” Getting Your Husband Back After An Affair
4. Accept your spouse’s reaction
A frequent premise that a partner frequently makes is that when they have apologized, their spouse or spouse should stop being sad or mad and give them forgiveness.
And if this doesn’t happen, the apologizing spouse stinks and says something along the lines of: “I’ve just apologized! What more to you want me to do?! Why can not you just accept it and move on?!”
The thing is, you can ask your husband or wife for their forgiveness, but you can’t FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their own decision.
So don’t expect anything from your partner right now.
Yes, you’re making yourself vulnerable and yes, it may feel excruciating being met by the silence or angry words of your spouse. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I am sorry”.
So avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, even though this might be your first instinct — since it will reverse the good you have just done by apologizing.
And now is definitely not the time to begin pointing fingers and trying to get back at your spouse for whatever they have done.
All you can do now, as hard as it is, is give your partner time to come to terms with your apology and see for themselves that the adjustments in your own behavior. Forgiveness will come with time. Getting Your Husband Back After An Affair
5. Follow your apology up with positive actions
Saying sorry is vital, but it isn’t sufficient on its own to heal your spouse’s hurt and move. It is the ACTIONS that follow which actually do most of the relationship fixing.
Apologies need to get backed up with positive changes in behaviour, as otherwise your spouse will lose faith in you and will end up more hurt and betrayed consequently.
If you have betrayed your partner in some way, the key is to be ABSOLUTELY transparent with your partner in future — don’t attempt to hide or cover up anything.
Keep the lines of communication open and be honest about everything — where you’re, what you are doing, that you’re with, what you are spending… EVERYTHING.
This might seem over-the-top, but the truth is that your spouse is likely to be feeling really vulnerable at the moment, and their hope in you has been shattered. So in order for their hope to be regained, you need to leave literally zero doubts in their mind.
And keep in mind, one huge gesture of flowers and chocolates once you have messed up is nice, but it is not likely to have the identical effect as continuous small steps to improve your behaviour and reveal your partner how much you appreciate them.
Even if your spouse does not take your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to demonstrate how sorry you are through loving actions, you’ve got the hope of regaining their love and trust. Getting Your Husband Back After An Affair