Getting Back Your Husband After Separation
Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say for your partner — I am certain you agree!
By saying this, you’re admitting that you’ve messed up and have hurt among those people you love the most. It is never simple.
But the thing is, we are all human and we ALL make mistakes. And unfortunately, sometimes we make mistakes that really hurt our partners.
When this happens, it’s our job to take responsibility for our actions and apologize, EVEN when your mistake is so BIG you feel like there is nearly “too much” to apologize for.
It’s true that the deeper the hurt, the longer the recovery process will require.
Continue below to find out what these steps are, and don’t hesitate to talk about your own thoughts and experiences in the end. Getting Back Your Husband After Separation
5 Step to Say “I Am Sorry” and Truly Mean It. Getting Back Your Husband After Separation
1. Forgive yourself
You could be thinking something like: “How in the world could I ever forgive myself?” Or “How can an apology start with ME?”
But there are numerous reasons why it is imperative to try to make peace with yourself after you’ve made a mistake.
First of all, dwelling on remorseful and self-loathing thoughts is going to use up all of your emotional energy.
This is NOT going to be helpful for your marriage or you, as it keeps the focus on the PROBLEM, rather than what you can do to repair it. If you can accept the mistake you have made, you will be able to focus your energy on what you can do in order to make up for it.
Let me be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you are not clearing yourself of any blame… You openly admit that you’ve made a mistake.
However, you are also acknowledging that the behaviour you have done wrong does not mean you’re a terrible person as a whole and you’ve got the opportunity to be your best self from now on…
2. Apologize to your partner and accept full responsibility
When it comes to saying sorry, the sooner the better. However, an apology needs to be said with real sincerity and feeling to work.
So you will need the time before you apologize to your spouse, take this moment to calm down. An angry or sarcastic apology is only going to make the situation even more worse.
As difficult as it can, look at your partner’s eyes once you go to confer with them.
For example; “I am so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you were looking forward to going out and how disappointed and hurt you have felt when I came home late”.
Lastly, never never NEVER say “I’m sorry” and follow this up with a “but” or an excuse.
For example: “I’m so sorry I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I know how much you had been looking forward to heading out and how disappointed and hurt you must’ve felt when I arrived home. BUT the reason I forgot about dinner is because YOU didn’t remind me this afternoon. You know I am busy with work and find it hard to keep track of what’s going on occasionally”.
This will make your apology meaningless, and also imply that you are BLAMING your spouse — that is just going to push them further away.
So take full responsibility for the actions… don’t try to downplay your mistake to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it will not work!) And concentrate just on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. Getting Back Your Husband After Separation
3. Make promises for the future
Come up with a plan to ensure your mistake will not be repeated in the future and convey this to your partner. Just make sure any promises you make could be followed up on.
“I have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her from my phone, Facebook, Twitter, and also will let you know instantly if he/she tries to get in contact with me.
I’m pleased to give you open access to all of my accounts and my phone if this would be helpful to you|If that would be helpful to you, I’m pleased to offer you open access. I promise to keep in communication with you and from now on I will always be at home when I say I will.
I truly want to make this work and will do whatever it takes. I can clear my schedule out of work so I could spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you’re comfortable with right now.” Getting Back Your Husband After Separation
4. Accept your spouse’s reaction
A frequent premise that a spouse often makes is that when they’ve apologized, wife or their husband should stop being angry or sad and give them forgiveness.
And if this does not happen, the apologizing spouse explodes and says something along the lines of: “I’ve just apologized! What more to you need me to do?! Why can not you just accept it and move on?!”
The thing is, you can ask your husband or spouse for their forgiveness, but you can not FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their choice.
Therefore don’t expect anything from your spouse right now.
Yes, you’re making yourself vulnerable and yes, it might feel excruciating being fulfilled angry words or by your partner’s silence. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I am sorry”.
So avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, even though this may be your initial instinct — as it will reverse the good you have just accomplished by apologizing.
And now is definitely not the time to begin pointing fingers and trying to get back at your partner for anything they’ve done.
All you can do right now, as hard as it can be, is give your partner time to come to terms with your own apology and see for themselves the changes in your behavior. Forgiveness will come with time. Getting Back Your Husband After Separation
5. Follow your apology up with positive actions
Saying sorry is important, but it is not sufficient on its own to heal your spouse’s hurt and move forward. It is the ACTIONS that follow which actually do the majority of the relationship repairing.
Apologies have to get backed up with positive changes in behavior, as otherwise your spouse will eliminate faith in you and also will become more hurt and betrayed as a result.
If you have betrayed your spouse in some manner, the biggest key is to be ABSOLUTELY transparent with your partner in future — don’t try to hide or cover anything up.
Keep the lines of communication open and be fair about everything — where you’re, what you are doing, who you’re with, what you are spending… EVERYTHING.
This might seem counter-intuitive, however, the simple truth is that your partner is likely to be feeling really vulnerable right now, and their trust in you has been ruined. So in order to their trust to be regained, you have to leave literally no doubts in their mind.
And keep in mind, one big gesture of chocolates and flowers once you have messed up is nice, but it’s not likely to get exactly the identical effect as continuous small actions to improve your behavior and reveal your spouse how much you appreciate them.
Even if your spouse doesn’t take your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to demonstrate how sorry you’re through loving actions, you have the best hope of regaining their trust and love. Getting Back Your Husband After Separation