Getting Back With Your Ex Husband
Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say for your spouse — I’m sure you all agree!
By saying so, you’re admitting that you’ve messed up and have hurt one of those people you love the most. It’s never easy.
However, the thing is, we’re all human and we ALL make mistakes. And regrettably, sometimes we make mistakes which really hurt our partners.
When this occurs, it’s our job apologize and to take responsibility, EVEN when your mistake is so BIG you feel like there’s nearly “too much” to apologize for.
It is true that the deeper the hurt, the longer the recovery process will take.
Continue below to learn what these steps are, and feel free to share your own thoughts and experiences in the end. Getting Back With Your Ex Husband
5 Step to Say “I Am Sorry” and Truly Mean It. Getting Back With Your Ex Husband
1. Forgive yourself
You could be thinking something like: “How in the world could I ever forgive myself?” Or “How do an apology start with ME?”
But there are several reasons why it is imperative to try to make peace with yourself once you have made a mistake.
To start with, dwelling on remorseful and self-loathing thoughts is going to use up all of your emotional energy.
This isn’t going to be helpful for your marriage or you, since it keeps the focus on the issue, rather than what you can do to repair it. If you can accept the mistake you have made, you’ll be able to focus your energy on what you could do in order to make up for it.
Let me be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you are not clearing yourself of any blame… You openly admit that you have made a mistake.
But you’re also acknowledging that the behaviour you’ve done wrong does not mean you are a bad person as a whole and you have the opportunity to be your very best self from now on…
2. Apologize to your spouse and take full responsibility
In regards to stating sorry, the sooner the better. But, an apology has to be said with feeling and genuine sincerity to work.
So you will need time until you apologize to your partner, take this time to calm down. An sarcastic or angry apology will only make the situation even more worse.
As difficult as it is, look at your partner’s eyes when you go to confer with them.
For example; “I’m so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you were looking forward to going out and how disappointed and hurt you must’ve felt when I came home late”.
Lastly, never never NEVER say “I am sorry” and follow it up with a “but” or an excuse.
For instance: “I’m so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I know how much you were looking forward to heading out and how disappointed and hurt you must’ve felt when I came home late. BUT the reason I forgot about dinner is because YOU did not remind me this afternoon. You know I am busy with work and find it hard to keep track of what’s happening sometimes”.
This will make your apology meaningless, and also imply that you’re BLAMING your spouse — that is just going to push them farther away.
So accept full responsibility for your actions… Do not attempt to downplay your mistake to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it won’t work!) And concentrate just on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. Getting Back With Your Ex Husband
3. Make promises for the future
Come up with a strategy to make certain your mistake won’t be repeated in the future and communicate this to your partner. Just make sure any promises you make could be followed up on.
“I have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her out of my phone, Facebook, Twitter, and will let you know immediately if he/she ever tries to get in touch with me.
I am happy to give you open access to all my account and my telephone if this would be helpful to you|If this would be helpful to you, I am pleased to give you open access. I promise to keep in communication with you about what I am doing and from today on I will always be at home when I say I will.
I truly want to make this work and will do anything it takes. I can clear my schedule out of work so that I could spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you’re comfortable with right now.” Getting Back With Your Ex Husband
4. Accept your spouse’s reaction
A common assumption that a spouse frequently makes is that as soon as they have apologized, their husband or wife should stop being sad or mad and give them forgiveness.
And when this doesn’t happen, the apologizing spouse stinks and says something along the lines of: “I’ve just apologized! What more to you need me to do?! Why can not you just accept it and move on?!”
The thing is, you can ask your husband or spouse for their forgiveness, but you can not FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their own decision.
Therefore don’t expect anything from your partner right now.
Yes, you are making yourself vulnerable and yes, it might feel excruciating being fulfilled by the silence or angry words of your spouse. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I’m sorry”.
So avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, despite the fact that this might be your first instinct — as it will only undo the good you have done by apologizing.
And now is certainly not the time to begin pointing fingers and trying to get back in your spouse for whatever they have done.
All you can do right now, as hard as it can be, is give your partner time to come to terms with your own apology and see for themselves that the changes on your own behavior. Forgiveness will come with time. Getting Back With Your Ex Husband
5. Follow your apology up with positive actions
Saying sorry is important, but it is not sufficient on its own to heal your partner’s harm and move. It’s the ACTIONS that follow which actually do the majority of the relationship repairing.
Apologies have to be backed up with positive changes in behavior, as otherwise your spouse will lose faith in you and will end up more hurt and betrayed as a result.
If you have betrayed your partner in some manner, the key is to be utterly transparent with your spouse in future — do not try to hide or cover anything up.
Keep the lines of communication open and be honest about what — where you are, what you’re doing, who you are with, what you’re spending… EVERYTHING.
This may appear counter-intuitive, however, the simple truth is that your partner is very likely to be feeling really vulnerable at the moment, and their trust in you has been ruined. So in order to their trust to be recovered, you need to leave literally zero doubts in their own mind.
And keep in mind, one huge gesture of flowers and chocolates once you have messed up is nice, but it’s not going to get exactly the same impact as constant small steps to improve your behaviour and reveal your partner how much you value them.
Even if your partner doesn’t take your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to show how sorry you’re through loving actions, you’ve got the best hope of regaining their trust and love. Getting Back With Your Ex Husband