Getting Back With Your Ex Husband After Divorce
Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say to your partner — I am sure you all agree!
By saying this, you’re admitting that you have messed up and have hurt one of those people you love the most. It’s never simple.
But the thing is, we’re all human and we make mistakes. And unfortunately, sometimes we make mistakes that really hurt our spouses.
When this happens, it is our job apologize and to take responsibility, EVEN when your mistake is so BIG you really feel like there is nearly “too much” to apologize for.
It’s true that the deeper the hurt, the longer the healing process will take.
Continue below to learn what these steps are, and don’t hesitate to talk about experiences and your thoughts in the end. Getting Back With Your Ex Husband After Divorce
5 Step to Say “I Am Sorry” and Truly Mean It. Getting Back With Your Ex Husband After Divorce
1. Forgive yourself
You could be thinking something like: “How in the world can I ever forgive myself?” Or “How can an apology start with ME?”
However there are several reasons why it’s necessary to try to make peace with yourself once you have made a mistake.
To start with, dwelling on remorseful and self-loathing thoughts will use up all of your emotional energy.
This isn’t going to be useful for your marriage or you, since it keeps the focus on the PROBLEM, rather than what you can do to repair it. If you can accept the mistake you’ve made, you will be able to focus your energy on what you could do in order to compensate for it.
Allow me to be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you are not clearing yourself of any blame… You openly admit that you’ve made a mistake.
But you are also acknowledging that the behavior you have done wrong does not mean you are a terrible person as a whole and you’ve got the chance to be your best self from now on…
2. Apologize to your spouse and accept full responsibility
In regards to stating sorry, the sooner the better. But, an apology needs to be said with genuine sincerity and feeling to be effective.
So you will need time to calm down before you apologize to your partner, take this time. An sarcastic or angry apology will only make the situation even more worse.
As difficult as it is, look at your spouse’s eyes when you go to apologize to them.
For instance; “I am so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I know how much you were looking forward to going out and just how disappointed and hurt you must’ve felt when I came home late”.
Last, never never NEVER say “I’m sorry” and follow it up with a “but” or an excuse.
For example: “I’m so sorry I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you were looking forward to heading out and how frustrated and hurt you have to’ve felt when I arrived home late. BUT the reason why I forgot about dinner is because YOU did not remind me this morning. You know I’m busy with work and find it hard to keep track of what is happening occasionally”.
This is going to make your apology meaningless, and even indicate that you’re BLAMING your spouse — that is only going to push them farther away.
So take full responsibility for the actions… don’t attempt to reevaluate your error to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it won’t work!) And focus just on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. Getting Back With Your Ex Husband After Divorce
3. Make promises for the future
Come up with a strategy to make certain your mistake will not be repeated in the future and convey this to your partner. Make sure any promises you make can be followed up on.
“I have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her from my telephone, Facebook, Twitter, and also will inform you immediately if he/she ever tries to get in touch with me.
I am pleased to give you open access to all my account and my phone if that would be helpful to you|If that would be helpful to you, I am pleased to offer you access. I promise to keep in regular communication with you and from now on I will always be at home when I say I will.
I really want to make this work and will do anything is needed. I will clear my schedule outside of work so I can spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you are comfortable with at this time.” Getting Back With Your Ex Husband After Divorce
4. Accept your spouse’s reaction
A common premise that a partner often makes is that as soon as they’ve apologized, wife or their husband should stop being sad or angry and give forgiveness to them.
And if this does not happen, the apologizing spouse stinks and says something along the lines of: “I’ve just apologized! What more to you want me to do?! Why can not you just accept it and move on?!”
The thing is, you can ask your husband or wife for their forgiveness, but you can’t FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their own decision.
Therefore don’t expect anything from your partner right now.
Yes, you are making yourself vulnerable and yes, it may feel excruciating being met by the silence or angry words of your spouse. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I am sorry”.
Therefore avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, even though this may be your initial instinct — since it is only going to undo the good you have just accomplished by apologizing.
And now is definitely not the time to begin pointing fingers and trying to get back at your spouse for whatever they have done.
All you can do now, as hard as it can be, is give your spouse time to come to terms with your own apology and also see for themselves that the changes on your own behavior. Forgiveness will come with time. Getting Back With Your Ex Husband After Divorce
5. Follow your apology up with positive actions
Saying sorry is vital, but it isn’t sufficient on its own to cure your partner’s harm and move forward. It is the ACTIONS that follow that actually do most of the relationship repairing.
Apologies need to be backed up with favorable changes in behaviour, as otherwise your partner will eliminate faith in you and will become more hurt and betrayed as a result.
If you’ve betrayed your partner in some way, the biggest key is to be ABSOLUTELY transparent with your partner in future — do not try to hide or cover up anything.
Keep the lines of communication open and be fair about everything — where you’re, what you’re doing, who you’re with, what you are spending… EVERYTHING.
This might appear counter-intuitive, however, the truth is that your spouse is likely to be feeling really vulnerable right now, and their trust in you has been ruined. So in order to their hope to be regained, you have to leave literally no doubts in their own mind.
And remember, one big gesture of flowers and chocolates after you have messed up is nice, but it is not going to have exactly the same impact as constant small steps to improve your behaviour and show your spouse how much you value them.
Even if your spouse doesn’t accept your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to show how sorry you are through loving actions, you have the hope of regaining their trust and love. Getting Back With Your Ex Husband After Divorce