Getting Back With My Ex Husband
Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say for your partner — I am certain you all agree!
By saying this, you’re admitting that you’ve messed up and have hurt among the people that you love the most. It is never simple.
However, the thing is, we are all human and we make mistakes. And unfortunately, sometimes we make mistakes which actually hurt our spouses.
When this happens, it’s our job apologize and to take responsibility, EVEN whenever your mistake is so BIG you really feel like there is almost “too much” to apologize for.
It’s a fact that the deeper the hurt, the longer the healing process will take.
Continue below to learn what these steps are, and don’t hesitate to share experiences and your thoughts at the conclusion. Getting Back With My Ex Husband
5 Step to Say “I’m Sorry” and Really Mean It. Getting Back With My Ex Husband
1. Forgive yourself
You might be thinking something like: “How in the world could I ever forgive myself?” Or “How can an apology start with ME?”
However there are numerous reasons why it’s imperative to attempt to make peace with yourself once you have made a mistake.
First of all, dwelling on remorseful and self-loathing thoughts will use up all of your emotional energy.
This isn’t going to be helpful for your marriage or you, since it keeps the focus on the PROBLEM, rather than what you can do to FIX it. If you can accept the mistake you have made, you will have the ability to focus your energy on what you can do to compensate for it.
Let me be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you’re not clearing yourself of any blame… You freely admit that you have made a mistake.
However, you are also acknowledging that the behaviour you’ve done wrong does not mean you’re a terrible person as a whole and you have the opportunity to be your very best self from now on…
2. Apologize to your spouse and take full responsibility
In regards to stating sorry, the sooner the better. However, an apology needs to be said with real sincerity and feeling to work.
So you need the time until you apologize to your partner, take this time to calm down. An sarcastic or angry apology is only going to make the situation even more worse.
As hard as it is, look into your partner’s eyes once you go to confer with them.
For example; “I’m so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you had been looking forward to going out and just how disappointed and hurt you must’ve felt when I came home late”.
Lastly, never never NEVER say “I’m sorry” and follow this up with a “but” or an excuse.
For instance: “I’m so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you had been looking forward to going out and how disappointed and hurt you have to’ve felt when I came home. BUT the reason I forgot about dinner is because YOU didn’t remind me this morning. You know I am busy with work and find it hard to keep track of what is happening occasionally”.
This will make your apology meaningless, and even imply that you are BLAMING your spouse — which is just going to push them further away.
So take full responsibility for your actions… don’t attempt to reevaluate your error to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it won’t work!) And concentrate only on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. Getting Back With My Ex Husband
3. Make promises for the future
Come up with a strategy to ensure your mistake will not be repeated in the future and convey this to your partner. Just make sure any promises you make can be followed upon.
“I will have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her from my phone, Facebook, Twitter, and will inform you instantly if he/she tries to get in contact with me.
I am happy to give you open access to all my accounts and my phone if that would be helpful to you|If that would be helpful to you, I am pleased to offer you open access. I promise to keep in communication with you about what I am doing and from now on I will always be at home when I say I will.
I really want to make this work and will do anything it takes. I can clear my schedule outside of work so I could spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you’re comfortable with at this time.” Getting Back With My Ex Husband
4. Accept your spouse’s reaction
A common assumption that a partner frequently makes is that as soon as they’ve apologized, their husband or wife should stop being angry or sad and give forgiveness to them.
And if this doesn’t happen, the apologizing spouse stinks and says something along the lines of: “I have just apologized! What more to you want me to do?! Why can’t you just accept it and move on?!”
The thing is, you can ask your husband or wife for their forgiveness, but you can not FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their own choice.
Therefore don’t expect anything from your partner at the moment.
Yes, you are making yourself vulnerable and yes, it may feel excruciating being fulfilled by the silence or angry words of your spouse. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I am sorry”.
Therefore avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, despite the fact that this might be your initial instinct — since it will undo the good you have done by apologizing.
And now is definitely not the time to start pointing fingers and trying to get back in your partner for whatever they have done.
All you can do right now, as hard as it is, is give your partner time to come to terms with your own apology and also see for themselves that the changes in your behaviour. Forgiveness will come with time. Getting Back With My Ex Husband
5. Follow your apology up with positive actions
Saying sorry is vital, but it is not enough on its own to heal your partner’s harm and move forward. It’s the ACTIONS that follow that really do the majority of the relationship fixing.
Apologies have to get backed up with positive changes in behavior, as otherwise your spouse will lose faith in you and also will end up more hurt and betrayed as a result.
If you’ve betrayed your spouse in some manner, the biggest secret is to be ABSOLUTELY transparent with your partner in future — do not attempt to hide or cover up anything.
Keep the lines of communication open and be honest about everything — where you are, what you are doing, who you are with, what you are spending… EVERYTHING.
This might appear counter-intuitive, however, the truth is that your spouse is very likely to be feeling really vulnerable at the moment, and their trust in you has been shattered. So in order to their trust to be recovered, you have to leave literally zero doubts in their mind.
And keep in mind, one big gesture of flowers and chocolates once you’ve messed up is nice, but it is not likely to get exactly the same impact as continuous small actions to improve your behaviour and show your spouse how much you value them.
Even if your partner does not accept your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to show how sorry you’re through loving actions, you have the best hope of regaining their love and trust. Getting Back With My Ex Husband