Getting Back With Husband After Separation
Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say to your partner — I’m certain you agree!
By saying so, you’re admitting that you’ve messed up and have hurt among those people you love the most. It is never easy.
However, the thing is, we are all human and we ALL make mistakes. And regrettably, sometimes we make mistakes that actually hurt our spouses.
When this happens, it’s our job apologize and to take responsibility for our actions, EVEN when your mistake is so BIG you feel like there is almost “too much” to apologize for.
It’s a fact that the deeper the hurt, the longer the recovery process will take.
Continue below to find out what these steps are, and don’t hesitate to talk about experiences and your own thoughts at the end. Getting Back With Husband After Separation
5 Step to Say “I Am Sorry” and Really Mean It. Getting Back With Husband After Separation
1. Forgive yourself
You might be thinking something like: “How on earth can I ever forgive myself?” Or “How do an apology start with ME?”
However there are several reasons why it is necessary to attempt to make peace with yourself once you’ve made a mistake.
First of all, dwelling on self-loathing and remorseful thoughts will use all of your emotional energy up.
This is NOT going to be useful for you or your marriage, since it keeps the focus on the PROBLEM, rather than what you can do to FIX it. If you can accept the mistake you’ve made, you will be able to then focus your energy on what you can do to compensate for it.
Allow me to be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you’re not clearing yourself of any blame… You openly admit that you have made a mistake.
But you are also acknowledging that the behaviour you’ve done wrong does not mean you’re a bad person as a whole and you have the chance to be your very best self from now on…
2. Apologize to your partner and take full responsibility
In regards to stating sorry, the earlier the better. However, an apology needs to be said with genuine sincerity and feeling to be effective.
So you will need time until you confer with your spouse, take this moment to calm down. An angry or sarcastic apology is only going to make the situation even more worse.
As difficult as it can, look into your spouse’s eyes when you go to apologize to them.
For instance; “I’m so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you had been looking forward to going out and how disappointed and hurt you must’ve felt when I came home late”.
Last, never never NEVER say “I’m sorry” and follow it up with a “but” or an excuse.
For instance: “I’m so sorry I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you had been looking forward to heading out and how disappointed and hurt you have to’ve felt when I came home late. BUT the reason I forgot about dinner is because YOU did not remind me this morning. You know I’m busy with work and find it hard to keep track of what’s happening occasionally”.
This is going to make your apology meaningless, and even imply that you are BLAMING your partner — which is only going to push them further away.
So take full responsibility for your actions… Do not try to reevaluate your error to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it won’t work!) And focus just on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. Getting Back With Husband After Separation
3. Make promises for the future
Come up with a plan to make certain your mistake will not be repeated in the future and communicate this to your spouse. Make sure any promises you make could be followed up on.
“I have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her from my telephone, Facebook, Twitter, and will inform you instantly if he/she tries to get in contact with me.
I am pleased to give you open access to all of my account and my phone if this would be helpful to you|If this would be helpful to you, I’m pleased to give you access to every one of my account and my phone. I promise to keep in regular communication with you about what I am doing and from today on I will always be at home when I say I will.
I really want to make this work and will do anything it takes. I will clear my schedule out of work so I could spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you’re comfortable with right now.” Getting Back With Husband After Separation
4. Accept your spouse’s reaction
A frequent premise that a partner frequently makes is that as soon as they’ve apologized, wife or their husband should stop being sad or mad and give them forgiveness.
And if this does not happen, the apologizing spouse explodes and says something along the lines of: “I’ve just apologized! What more to you want me to do?! Why can’t you just accept it and move on?!”
The thing is, you can ask your husband or spouse for their forgiveness, but you can not FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their decision.
Therefore don’t expect anything from your partner right now.
Yes, you’re making yourself vulnerable and yes, it might feel excruciating being fulfilled by the silence or angry words of your spouse. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I am sorry”.
So avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, even though this may be your initial instinct — as it will undo the good you have accomplished by apologizing.
And now is certainly not the time to begin pointing fingers and trying to get back in your spouse for whatever they’ve done.
All you can do right now, as hard as it can be, is give your partner time to come to terms with your apology and see for themselves that the changes on your behaviour. Forgiveness will come with time. Getting Back With Husband After Separation
5. Follow your apology up with positive actions
Saying sorry is vital, but it isn’t enough on its own to cure your spouse’s hurt and move forward. It’s the ACTIONS that follow that actually do the majority of the relationship fixing.
Apologies have to get backed up with favorable changes in behaviour, as otherwise your spouse will eliminate faith in you and will end up more hurt and betrayed consequently.
If you’ve betrayed your partner in some way, the key is to be ABSOLUTELY transparent with your spouse in future — don’t attempt to hide or cover anything up.
Keep the lines of communication open and be fair about everything — where you’re, what you’re doing, that you’re with, what you are spending… EVERYTHING.
This might seem counter-intuitive, however, the simple truth is that your spouse is likely to be feeling really vulnerable at the moment, and their hope in you has been ruined. So in order for their trust to be recovered, you have to leave literally zero doubts in their mind.
And remember, one big gesture of chocolates and flowers once you’ve messed up is fine, but it is not going to have the identical effect as constant small steps to improve your behavior and reveal your spouse how much you appreciate them.
Even if your partner doesn’t accept your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to show how sorry you are through loving actions, you have the best hope of regaining their love and trust. Getting Back With Husband After Separation