Getting Back With Ex Husband After Divorce
Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say to your spouse — I’m sure you all agree!
By saying so, you’re admitting that you have messed up and have hurt among those people you love the most. It’s never simple.
But the thing is, we’re all human and most of us make mistakes. And regrettably, sometimes we make mistakes that really hurt our spouses.
When this happens, it’s our job apologize and to take responsibility, EVEN when your mistake is so BIG you really feel like there is nearly “too much” to apologize for.
It’s a fact that the deeper the hurt, the longer the healing process will require.
Continue below to find out what these steps are, and don’t hesitate to talk about your own thoughts and experiences at the conclusion. Getting Back With Ex Husband After Divorce
5 Step to Say “I Am Sorry” and Really Mean It. Getting Back With Ex Husband After Divorce
1. Forgive yourself
You might be thinking something like: “How on earth can I ever forgive myself?” Or “How do an apology begin with ME?”
But there are numerous reasons why it is imperative to attempt to make peace with yourself once you have made a mistake.
To start with, dwelling on thoughts that are self-loathing and remorseful is going to use up all of your emotional energy.
This isn’t going to be helpful for your marriage or you, as it keeps the focus on the issue, rather than what you can do to repair it. If you can accept the mistake you’ve made, you’ll be able to focus your energy on what you can do in order to make up for it.
Allow me to be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you are not clearing yourself of any blame… You openly admit that you’ve made a mistake.
But you are also acknowledging that the behavior you’ve done wrong does not mean you’re a terrible person as a whole and you have the opportunity to be your best self from now on…
2. Apologize to your partner and accept full responsibility
When it comes to saying sorry, the sooner the better. But, an apology has to be said with feeling and real sincerity to work.
So you will need the time to calm down until you confer with your spouse, take this time. An sarcastic or angry apology will only make the situation even more worse.
As hard as it can, look at your partner’s eyes when you go to apologize to them.
For instance; “I’m so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you had been looking forward to going out and how disappointed and hurt you have felt when I came home late”.
Last, never never NEVER say “I am sorry” and follow it up with a “but” or an excuse.
For example: “I’m so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you had been looking forward to going out and how frustrated and hurt you have to’ve felt when I came home late. BUT the reason why I forgot about dinner is because YOU did not remind me this morning. You know I’m busy with work and find it hard to keep track of what’s going on sometimes”.
This is going to make your apology meaningless, and even indicate that you’re BLAMING your spouse — which is only going to push them further away.
So take full responsibility for your actions… don’t try to reevaluate your error to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it won’t work!) And concentrate just on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. Getting Back With Ex Husband After Divorce
3. Make promises for the future
Come up with a strategy to make certain your mistake won’t be repeated in the future and convey this to your partner. Make sure any promises you make can be followed up on.
“I have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her out of my phone, Facebook, Twitter, and will inform you immediately if he/she tries to get in contact with me.
I’m happy to give you access to all of my account and my phone if this would be helpful to you|If this would be helpful to you, I’m happy to offer you open access. I promise to keep in communication with you about what I am doing and from now on I will always be at home when I say I will.
I really want to make this work and will do whatever is needed. I will clear my schedule outside of work so that I could spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you are comfortable with right now.” Getting Back With Ex Husband After Divorce
4. Accept your spouse’s reaction
A common assumption that a spouse often makes is that as soon as they’ve apologized, wife or their husband should stop being angry or sad and give them forgiveness.
And when this does not happen, the apologizing spouse explodes and says something along the lines of: “I’ve just apologized! What more to you want me to do?! Why can not you just accept it and move on?!”
The thing is, you can ask your husband or wife for their forgiveness, but you can’t FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their own choice.
So don’t expect anything from your partner at the moment.
Yes, you’re making yourself vulnerable and yes, it might feel excruciating being met angry words or by your partner’s silence. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I’m sorry”.
So avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, even though this might be your first instinct — since it will only undo the good you have accomplished by apologizing.
And now is certainly not the time to start pointing fingers and trying to get back in your spouse for whatever they’ve done.
All you can do now, as hard as it will be, is give your partner time to come to terms with your own apology and also see for themselves that the adjustments in your own behavior. Forgiveness will come with time. Getting Back With Ex Husband After Divorce
5. Follow your apology up with positive actions
Saying sorry is important, but it is not enough on its own to cure your partner’s harm and move. It is the ACTIONS that follow that really do most of the relationship fixing.
Apologies need to get backed up with favorable changes in behavior, as otherwise your partner will lose faith in you and will become more hurt and betrayed consequently.
If you have betrayed your partner in some way, the key is to be ABSOLUTELY transparent with your spouse in future — don’t try to hide or cover up anything.
Keep the lines of communication open and be fair about what — where you’re, what you are doing, who you are with, what you are spending… EVERYTHING.
This may appear over-the-top, but the simple truth is that your partner is likely to be feeling very vulnerable right now, and their trust in you has been ruined. So in order for their hope to be regained, you have to leave literally zero doubts in their own mind.
And remember, one huge gesture of flowers and chocolates after you’ve messed up is nice, but it is not likely to have the same effect as constant small steps to improve your behavior and show your partner how much you value them.
Even if your partner does not take your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to show how sorry you’re through loving actions, you have the best hope of regaining their love and trust. Getting Back With Ex Husband After Divorce