Getting Back With Ex Husband After Divorce

Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say to your spouse — I’m sure you all agree!

By saying so, you’re admitting that you have messed up and have hurt among those people you love the most. It’s never simple.

But the thing is, we’re all human and most of us make mistakes. And regrettably, sometimes we make mistakes that really hurt our spouses.

When this happens, it’s our job apologize and to take responsibility, EVEN when your mistake is so BIG you really feel like there is nearly “too much” to apologize for.

It’s a fact that the deeper the hurt, the longer the healing process will require.

Continue below to find out what these steps are, and don’t hesitate to talk about your own thoughts and experiences at the conclusion. Getting Back With Ex Husband After Divorce

 

5 Step to Say “I Am Sorry” and Really Mean It. Getting Back With Ex Husband After Divorce

 

1. Forgive yourself

You might be thinking something like: “How on earth can I ever forgive myself?” Or “How do an apology begin with ME?

But there are numerous reasons why it is imperative to attempt to make peace with yourself once you have made a mistake.

To start with, dwelling on thoughts that are self-loathing and remorseful is going to use up all of your emotional energy.

This isn’t going to be helpful for your marriage or you, as it keeps the focus on the issue, rather than what you can do to repair it. If you can accept the mistake you’ve made, you’ll be able to focus your energy on what you can do in order to make up for it.

Allow me to be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you are not clearing yourself of any blame… You openly admit that you’ve made a mistake.

But you are also acknowledging that the behavior you’ve done wrong does not mean you’re a terrible person as a whole and you have the opportunity to be your best self from now on…

 

 

2. Apologize to your partner and accept full responsibility

When it comes to saying sorry, the sooner the better. But, an apology has to be said with feeling and real sincerity to work.

So you will need the time to calm down until you confer with your spouse, take this time. An sarcastic or angry apology will only make the situation even more worse.

As hard as it can, look at your partner’s eyes when you go to apologize to them.

For instance; “I’m so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you had been looking forward to going out and how disappointed and hurt you have felt when I came home late”.

Last, never never NEVER say “I am sorry” and follow it up with a “but” or an excuse.

For example: “I’m so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you had been looking forward to going out and how frustrated and hurt you have to’ve felt when I came home late. BUT the reason why I forgot about dinner is because YOU did not remind me this morning. You know I’m busy with work and find it hard to keep track of what’s going on sometimes”.

This is going to make your apology meaningless, and even indicate that you’re BLAMING your spouse — which is only going to push them further away.

So take full responsibility for your actions… don’t try to reevaluate your error to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it won’t work!) And concentrate just on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. Getting Back With Ex Husband After Divorce

 

3. Make promises for the future

Come up with a strategy to make certain your mistake won’t be repeated in the future and convey this to your partner. Make sure any promises you make can be followed up on.

For example:

“I have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her out of my phone, Facebook, Twitter, and will inform you immediately if he/she tries to get in contact with me.

I’m happy to give you access to all of my account and my phone if this would be helpful to you|If this would be helpful to you, I’m happy to offer you open access. I promise to keep in communication with you about what I am doing and from now on I will always be at home when I say I will.

I really want to make this work and will do whatever is needed. I will clear my schedule outside of work so that I could spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you are comfortable with right now.” Getting Back With Ex Husband After Divorce

 

4. Accept your spouse’s reaction

A common assumption that a spouse often makes is that as soon as they’ve apologized, wife or their husband should stop being angry or sad and give them forgiveness.

And when this does not happen, the apologizing spouse explodes and says something along the lines of: “I’ve just apologized! What more to you want me to do?! Why can not you just accept it and move on?!”

The thing is, you can ask your husband or wife for their forgiveness, but you can’t FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their own choice.

So don’t expect anything from your partner at the moment.

Yes, you’re making yourself vulnerable and yes, it might feel excruciating being met angry words or by your partner’s silence. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I’m sorry”.

So avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, even though this might be your first instinct — since it will only undo the good you have accomplished by apologizing.

And now is certainly not the time to start pointing fingers and trying to get back in your spouse for whatever they’ve done.

All you can do now, as hard as it will be, is give your partner time to come to terms with your own apology and also see for themselves that the adjustments in your own behavior. Forgiveness will come with time. Getting Back With Ex Husband After Divorce

 

5. Follow your apology up with positive actions

Saying sorry is important, but it is not enough on its own to cure your partner’s harm and move. It is the ACTIONS that follow that really do most of the relationship fixing.

Apologies need to get backed up with favorable changes in behavior, as otherwise your partner will lose faith in you and will become more hurt and betrayed consequently.

If you have betrayed your partner in some way, the key is to be ABSOLUTELY transparent with your spouse in future — don’t try to hide or cover up anything.

Keep the lines of communication open and be fair about what — where you’re, what you are doing, who you are with, what you are spending… EVERYTHING.

This may appear over-the-top, but the simple truth is that your partner is likely to be feeling very vulnerable right now, and their trust in you has been ruined. So in order for their hope to be regained, you have to leave literally zero doubts in their own mind.

And remember, one huge gesture of flowers and chocolates after you’ve messed up is nice, but it is not likely to have the same effect as constant small steps to improve your behavior and show your partner how much you value them.

Even if your partner does not take your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to show how sorry you’re through loving actions, you have the best hope of regaining their love and trust. Getting Back With Ex Husband After Divorce

Cheatproof-your-relationship

Sharing is caring!

Getting Back With Ex Husband After Divorce

Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say to your partner — I am certain you agree!

By saying so, you’re admitting that you have messed up and have hurt among the people you love the most. It is never easy.

However, the thing is, we’re all human and we make mistakes. And unfortunately, sometimes we make mistakes which really hurt our partners.

When this occurs, it’s our job apologize and to take responsibility for our actions, EVEN whenever your mistake is so BIG you really feel like there is nearly “too much” to apologize for.

It is true that the deeper the hurt, the longer the healing process will require.

Continue below to find out what these steps are, and feel free to share your own thoughts and experiences at the conclusion. Getting Back With Ex Husband After Divorce

 

5 Step to Say “I Am Sorry” and Truly Mean It. Getting Back With Ex Husband After Divorce

 

1. Forgive yourself

You might be thinking something like: “How in the world can I ever forgive myself?” Or “How can an apology start with ME?

However there are numerous reasons why it’s imperative to attempt to make peace with yourself after you have made a mistake.

First of all, dwelling on remorseful and self-loathing thoughts is going to use up all of your emotional energy.

This isn’t going to be useful for your marriage or you, as it keeps the focus on the PROBLEM, rather than what you can do to FIX it. If you can accept the mistake you’ve made, you’ll have the ability to then focus your energy on what you can do to make up for it.

Let me be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you are not clearing yourself of any blame… You freely admit that you’ve made a mistake.

However, you are also acknowledging that the behaviour you have done wrong does not mean you’re a terrible person as a whole and you have the chance to be your very best self from now on…

 

 

2. Apologize to your partner and take full responsibility

When it comes to stating sorry, the sooner the better. However, an apology has to be said with real sincerity and feeling to work.

So you need the time to calm down until you confer with your spouse, take this moment. An sarcastic or angry apology will make the situation even more worse.

As difficult as it can, look into your spouse’s eyes when you go to confer with them.

For example; “I am so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you were looking forward to going out and just how disappointed and hurt you must’ve felt when I came home late”.

Last, never never NEVER say “I’m sorry” and follow it up with a “but” or an excuse.

For instance: “I am so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I know how much you had been looking forward to going out and how disappointed and hurt you have to’ve felt when I arrived home. However, the reason why I forgot about dinner is because YOU didn’t remind me this afternoon. You know I am busy with work and find it hard to keep track of what is going on sometimes”.

This will make your apology meaningless, and also indicate that you are BLAMING your partner — that is only going to push them further away.

So take full responsibility for your actions… Do not attempt to reevaluate your error to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it won’t work!) And concentrate only on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. Getting Back With Ex Husband After Divorce

 

3. Make promises for the future

Come up with a strategy to ensure your mistake will not be repeated in the future and communicate this to your spouse. Make sure any promises you make can be followed upon.

For instance:

“I will have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her out of my telephone, Facebook, Twitter, and will let you know instantly if he/she tries to get in contact with me.

I am happy to give you access to all my accounts and my phone if this would be helpful to you|If this would be helpful to you, I am happy to offer you access to all of my accounts and my phone. I promise to keep in regular communication with you about what I am doing and from today on I will always be at home when I say I will.

I really want to make this work and will do whatever is needed. I can clear my schedule out of work so that I could spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you’re comfortable with right now.” Getting Back With Ex Husband After Divorce

 

4. Accept your spouse’s reaction

A frequent premise that a spouse often makes is that when they have apologized, wife or their husband should stop being sad or angry and give them forgiveness.

And if this does not happen, the apologizing spouse stinks and says something along the lines of: “I have just apologized! What more to you need me to do?! Why can’t you just accept it and move on?!”

The thing is, you can ask your husband or spouse for their forgiveness, but you can not FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their own decision.

Therefore don’t expect anything from your spouse at the moment.

It’s true, you’re making yourself vulnerable and yes, it might feel excruciating being fulfilled by your spouse’s silence or angry words. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I am sorry”.

So avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, despite the fact that this may be your initial instinct — since it will reverse the good you have done by apologizing.

And now is definitely not the time to begin pointing fingers and trying to get back at your spouse for anything they’ve done.

All you can do right now, as hard as it will be, is give your partner time to come to terms with your apology and see for themselves the adjustments on your behavior. Forgiveness will come with time. Getting Back With Ex Husband After Divorce

 

5. Follow your apology up with positive actions

Saying sorry is vital, but it is not enough on its own to cure your partner’s hurt and move forward. It is the ACTIONS that follow which really do the majority of the relationship repairing.

Apologies have to be backed up with positive changes in behaviour, as otherwise your spouse will lose faith in you and also will become more hurt and betrayed as a result.

If you have betrayed your partner in some manner, the biggest secret is to be ABSOLUTELY transparent with your spouse in future — don’t try to hide or cover anything up.

Keep the lines of communication open and be honest about what — where you’re, what you’re doing, who you are with, what you are spending… EVERYTHING.

This may seem counter-intuitive, however, the simple truth is that your spouse is very likely to be feeling very vulnerable at the moment, and their hope in you has been ruined. So in order to their hope to be recovered, you need to leave literally zero doubts in their mind.

And keep in mind, one huge gesture of chocolates and flowers after you’ve messed up is nice, but it is not going to have exactly the same impact as continuous small steps to improve your behavior and reveal your partner how much you value them.

Even if your spouse doesn’t take your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to show how sorry you’re through loving actions, you have the best hope of regaining their trust and love. Getting Back With Ex Husband After Divorce

Cheatproof-your-relationship

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