Getting Back With Ex Husband After 10 Years
Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say for your spouse — I’m certain you all agree!
By saying so, you are admitting that you’ve messed up and have hurt one of those people you love the most. It’s never easy.
But the thing is, we are all human and we ALL make mistakes. And regrettably, sometimes we make mistakes that really hurt our partners.
When this occurs, it is our job to take responsibility and apologize, EVEN when your mistake is so BIG you really feel like there is nearly “too much” to apologize for.
It’s a fact that the deeper the hurt, the longer the recovery process will require.
Continue below to learn what these steps are, and feel free to share experiences and your thoughts at the end. Getting Back With Ex Husband After 10 Years
5 Step to Say “I Am Sorry” and Truly Mean It. Getting Back With Ex Husband After 10 Years
1. Forgive yourself
You could be thinking something like: “How in the world can I ever forgive myself?” Or “How do an apology start with ME?”
But there are numerous reasons why it’s necessary to try to make peace with yourself once you have made a mistake.
First of all, dwelling on thoughts that are self-loathing and remorseful is going to use all of your emotional energy up.
This isn’t going to be useful for your marriage or you, since it keeps the focus on the PROBLEM, rather than what you can do to FIX it. If you can accept the mistake you have made, you’ll be able to then focus your energy on what you can do in order to compensate for it.
Allow me to be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you are not clearing yourself of any blame… You openly admit that you’ve made a mistake.
However, you’re also acknowledging that the behavior you’ve done wrong does not mean you are a terrible person as a whole and you’ve got the opportunity to be your very best self from now on…
2. Apologize to your partner and take full responsibility
When it comes to stating sorry, the sooner the better. But, an apology has to be said with feeling and genuine sincerity to be effective.
So you will need the time until you confer with your partner, take this moment to calm down. An sarcastic or angry apology will make the situation even more worse.
As difficult as it can, look at your partner’s eyes once you go to confer with them.
For example; “I’m so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you had been looking forward to going out and how disappointed and hurt you must’ve felt when I came home late”.
Last, never never NEVER say “I am sorry” and follow it up with a “but” or an excuse.
For instance: “I’m so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you had been looking forward to going out and how disappointed and hurt you have to’ve felt when I came home. However, the reason I forgot about dinner is because YOU did not remind me this morning. You know I am busy with work and find it difficult to keep track of what is going on occasionally”.
This is going to make your apology meaningless, and even imply that you’re BLAMING your partner — that is just going to push them farther away.
So take full responsibility for the actions… Do not try to downplay your mistake to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it will not work!) And focus only on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. Getting Back With Ex Husband After 10 Years
3. Make promises for the future
Come up with a plan to ensure your mistake will not be repeated in the future and communicate this to your spouse. Make sure any promises you make can be followed upon.
“I have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her from my telephone, Facebook, Twitter, and also will inform you instantly if he/she tries to get in touch with me.
I am happy to give you open access to all my account and my phone if that would be helpful to you|If this would be helpful to you, I am happy to give you open access to every one my account and my telephone. I promise to keep in regular communication with you about what I am doing and from today on I will always be at home when I say I will.
I truly want to make this work and will do anything is needed. I will clear my schedule outside of work so that I can spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you’re comfortable with right now.” Getting Back With Ex Husband After 10 Years
4. Accept your spouse’s reaction
A common assumption that a partner often makes is that when they’ve apologized, their husband or wife should stop being mad or sad and give them forgiveness.
And when this doesn’t happen, the apologizing spouse explodes and says something along the lines of: “I have just apologized! What more to you want me to do?! Why can’t you just accept it and move on?!”
The thing is, you can ask your husband or wife for their forgiveness, but you can’t FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their own choice.
So don’t expect anything from your spouse at the moment.
Yes, you’re making yourself vulnerable and yes, it may feel excruciating being met by the silence or angry words of your spouse. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I am sorry”.
Therefore avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, even though this may be your initial instinct — as it will only reverse the good you have accomplished by apologizing.
And now is certainly not the time to start pointing fingers and trying to get back in your partner for whatever they’ve done.
All you can do now, as hard as it will be, is give your spouse time to come to terms with your apology and also see for themselves the adjustments on your behaviour. Forgiveness will come with time. Getting Back With Ex Husband After 10 Years
5. Follow your apology up with positive actions
Saying sorry is vital, but it isn’t enough on its own to cure your spouse’s hurt and move forward. It is the ACTIONS that follow that actually do the majority of the relationship repairing.
Apologies need to be backed up with favorable changes in behaviour, as otherwise your partner will lose faith in you and also will end up more hurt and betrayed as a result.
If you’ve betrayed your spouse in some way, the biggest key is to be utterly transparent with your partner in future — don’t attempt to hide or cover anything up.
Keep the lines of communication open and be fair about what — where you’re, what you are doing, who you’re with, what you’re spending… EVERYTHING.
This might appear over-the-top, but the truth is that your spouse is very likely to be feeling very vulnerable right now, and their trust in you has been ruined. So in order for their trust to be recovered, you need to leave literally no doubts in their mind.
And keep in mind, one huge gesture of chocolates and flowers after you have messed up is nice, but it’s not going to have exactly the same impact as constant small steps to improve your behavior and reveal your partner how much you appreciate them.
Even if your partner doesn’t accept your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to show how sorry you’re through loving actions, you’ve got the best hope of regaining their love and trust. Getting Back With Ex Husband After 10 Years