Getting Back Together With Your Ex Husband
Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say for your spouse — I am sure you all agree!
By saying this, you are admitting that you have messed up and have hurt one of the people that you love the most. It’s never easy.
But the thing is, we’re all human and we ALL make mistakes. And regrettably, sometimes we make mistakes which really hurt our partners.
When this happens, it’s our job apologize and to take responsibility, EVEN whenever your mistake is so BIG you feel like there’s nearly “too much” to apologize for.
It’s a fact that the deeper the hurt, the longer the recovery process will require.
Continue below to find out what these steps are, and don’t hesitate to share your thoughts and experiences in the end. Getting Back Together With Your Ex Husband
5 Step to Say “I Am Sorry” and Truly Mean It. Getting Back Together With Your Ex Husband
1. Forgive yourself
You might be thinking something like: “How in the world could I ever forgive myself?” Or “How can an apology begin with ME?”
However there are several reasons why it is necessary to try to make peace with yourself after you have made a mistake.
To start with, dwelling on thoughts that are remorseful and self-loathing will use all of your emotional energy up.
This is NOT going to be helpful for you or your marriage, as it keeps the focus on the issue, rather than what you can do to repair it. If you can accept the mistake you have made, you’ll have the ability to then focus your energy on what you could do in order to compensate for it.
Let me be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you are not clearing yourself of any blame… You openly admit that you have made a mistake.
However, you are also acknowledging that the behavior you’ve done wrong does not mean you are a terrible person as a whole and you have the chance to be your best self from now on…
2. Apologize to your spouse and accept full responsibility
In regards to stating sorry, the earlier the better. However, an apology needs to be said with feeling and genuine sincerity to work.
So you will need time to calm down before you confer with your partner, take this time. An sarcastic or angry apology will make the situation even more worse.
As difficult as it is, look at your partner’s eyes once you go to confer with them.
For instance; “I’m so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I know how much you had been looking forward to going out and just how disappointed and hurt you must’ve felt when I came home late”.
Last, never never NEVER say “I’m sorry” and follow this up with a “but” or an excuse.
For instance: “I’m so sorry I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you had been looking forward to going out and how disappointed and hurt you must’ve felt when I arrived home late. However, the reason why I forgot about dinner is because YOU didn’t remind me this afternoon. You know I am busy with work and find it hard to keep track of what’s going on sometimes”.
This is going to make your apology meaningless, and also indicate that you are BLAMING your partner — that is only going to push them farther away.
So take full responsibility for your actions… Do not attempt to reevaluate your error to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it will not work!) And concentrate just on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. Getting Back Together With Your Ex Husband
3. Make promises for the future
Come up with a plan to ensure your mistake won’t be repeated in the future and communicate this to your spouse. Just make sure any promises you make could be followed up on.
“I have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her from my phone, Facebook, Twitter, and will let you know immediately if he/she ever tries to get in touch with me.
I’m pleased to give you open access to all of my account and my telephone if this would be helpful to you|If this would be helpful to you, I’m happy to offer you access to all my account and my telephone. I promise to keep in regular communication with you about what I am doing and from now on I will always be at home when I say I will.
I really want to make this work and will do whatever it takes. I will clear my schedule outside of work so that I could spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you’re comfortable with right now.” Getting Back Together With Your Ex Husband
4. Accept your spouse’s reaction
A frequent premise that a partner often makes is that as soon as they have apologized, wife or their husband should stop being mad or sad and give forgiveness to them.
And if this doesn’t happen, the apologizing spouse explodes and says something along the lines of: “I’ve just apologized! What more to you need me to do?! Why can not you just accept it and move on?!”
The thing is, you can ask your husband or wife for their forgiveness, but you can not FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their choice.
Therefore don’t expect anything from your partner right now.
Yes, you’re making yourself vulnerable and yes, it may feel excruciating being met by your spouse’s silence or angry words. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I am sorry”.
Therefore avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, even though this may be your initial instinct — as it is only going to reverse the good you have just accomplished by apologizing.
And now is certainly not the time to start pointing fingers and trying to get back at your spouse for anything they have done.
All you can do right now, as hard as it is, is give your partner time to come to terms with your own apology and also see for themselves the changes in your behaviour. Forgiveness will come with time. Getting Back Together With Your Ex Husband
5. Follow your apology up with positive actions
Saying sorry is important, but it is not enough on its own to heal your spouse’s harm and move. It is the ACTIONS that follow which actually do the majority of the relationship repairing.
Apologies need to be backed up with favorable changes in behavior, as otherwise your partner will lose faith in you and also will end up more hurt and betrayed as a result.
If you have betrayed your spouse in some way, the secret is to be ABSOLUTELY transparent with your partner in future — don’t attempt to hide or cover anything up.
Keep the lines of communication open and be honest about what — where you are, what you’re doing, that you are with, what you are spending… EVERYTHING.
This might seem over-the-top, but the simple truth is that your spouse is likely to be feeling really vulnerable right now, and their hope in you has been shattered. So in order to their hope to be recovered, you need to leave literally no doubts in their own mind.
And keep in mind, one huge gesture of flowers and chocolates once you’ve messed up is nice, but it is not going to have the identical effect as constant small actions to improve your behaviour and show your partner how much you appreciate them.
Even if your spouse does not accept your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to show how sorry you are through loving actions, you’ve got the hope of regaining their trust and love. Getting Back Together With Your Ex Husband