Getting Back Together With Ex Husband
Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say for your spouse — I am certain you agree!
By saying so, you are admitting that you’ve messed up and have hurt one of the people that you love the most. It’s never easy.
But the thing is, we are all human and we make mistakes. And regrettably, sometimes we make mistakes which actually hurt our partners.
When this happens, it is our job apologize and to take responsibility, EVEN whenever your mistake is so BIG you feel like there is nearly “too much” to apologize for.
It’s true that the deeper the hurt, the longer the healing process will require.
Continue below to learn what these steps are, and feel free to share your own thoughts and experiences in the end. Getting Back Together With Ex Husband
5 Step to Say “I’m Sorry” and Truly Mean It. Getting Back Together With Ex Husband
1. Forgive yourself
You could be thinking something like: “How in the world could I ever forgive myself?” Or “How can an apology start with ME?”
But there are several reasons why it’s necessary to try to make peace with yourself once you have made a mistake.
To start with, dwelling on self-loathing and remorseful thoughts will use up all of your emotional energy.
This is NOT going to be useful for you or your marriage, since it keeps the focus on the issue, rather than what you can do to repair it. If you can accept the mistake you have made, you will have the ability to focus your energy on what you could do in order to make up for it.
Let me be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you’re not clearing yourself of any blame… You openly admit that you have made a mistake.
But you’re also acknowledging that the behaviour you have done wrong does not mean you’re a bad person as a whole and you’ve got the chance to be your very best self from now on…
2. Apologize to your spouse and accept full responsibility
When it comes to stating sorry, the earlier the better. But, an apology needs to be said with real sincerity and feeling to work.
So you will need time to calm down until you confer with your spouse, take this moment. An angry or sarcastic apology will only make the situation even more worse.
As difficult as it is, look into your spouse’s eyes when you go to apologize to them.
For example; “I’m so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I know how much you had been looking forward to going out and how disappointed and hurt you have felt when I came home late”.
Last, never never NEVER say “I’m sorry” and follow this up with a “but” or an excuse.
For example: “I am so sorry I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you had been looking forward to heading out and how frustrated and hurt you must’ve felt when I arrived home late. BUT the reason why I forgot about dinner is because YOU did not remind me this morning. You know I’m busy with work and find it hard to keep track of what’s happening sometimes”.
This will make your apology meaningless, and even indicate that you’re BLAMING your partner — which is just going to push them further away.
So accept full responsibility for the actions… don’t attempt to downplay your mistake to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it will not work!) And concentrate only on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. Getting Back Together With Ex Husband
3. Make promises for the future
Come up with a plan to ensure your mistake won’t be repeated in the future and convey this to your spouse. Make sure any promises you make can be followed upon.
“I have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her from my telephone, Facebook, Twitter, and also will inform you immediately if he/she ever tries to get in touch with me.
I’m happy to give you access to all of my accounts and my phone if this would be helpful to you|If this would be helpful to you, I’m happy to give you access. I promise to keep in communication with you about what I am doing and from now on I will always be at home when I say I will.
I truly wish to make this work and will do whatever it takes. I can clear my schedule out of work so I can spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you are comfortable with at this time.” Getting Back Together With Ex Husband
4. Accept your spouse’s reaction
A frequent assumption that a spouse frequently makes is that when they have apologized, their husband or wife should stop being sad or mad and give them forgiveness.
And if this doesn’t happen, the apologizing spouse stinks and says something along the lines of: “I’ve just apologized! What more to you need me to do?! Why can’t you just accept it and move on?!”
The thing is, you can ask your husband or wife for their forgiveness, but you can’t FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their own choice.
Therefore don’t expect anything from your partner right now.
It’s true, you are making yourself vulnerable and yes, it might feel excruciating being met angry words or by your spouse’s silence. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I am sorry”.
Therefore avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, even though this may be your first instinct — as it will undo the good you have just accomplished by apologizing.
And now is certainly not the time to start pointing fingers and trying to get back at your partner for whatever they have done.
All you can do now, as hard as it is, is give your spouse time to come to terms with your apology and see for themselves the changes in your behavior. Forgiveness will come with time. Getting Back Together With Ex Husband
5. Follow your apology up with positive actions
Saying sorry is important, but it is not sufficient on its own to heal your partner’s harm and move forward. It is the ACTIONS that follow which actually do the majority of the relationship repairing.
Apologies need to get backed up with favorable changes in behavior, as otherwise your spouse will eliminate faith in you and also will end up more hurt and betrayed consequently.
If you’ve betrayed your partner in some way, the biggest secret is to be utterly transparent with your spouse in future — do not try to hide or cover anything up.
Keep the lines of communication open and be honest about everything — where you are, what you are doing, who you’re with, what you are spending… EVERYTHING.
This might seem counter-intuitive, however, the truth is that your spouse is likely to be feeling really vulnerable right now, and their trust in you has been shattered. So in order to their hope to be recovered, you have to leave literally no doubts in their own mind.
And remember, one huge gesture of flowers and chocolates after you have messed up is fine, but it is not going to get the identical effect as constant small actions to improve your behavior and reveal your partner how much you appreciate them.
Even if your partner does not accept your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to show how sorry you’re through loving actions, you have the best hope of regaining their love and trust. Getting Back Together With Ex Husband