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Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say to your partner — I am sure you agree!
By saying this, you are admitting that you have messed up and have hurt one of those people that you love the most. It is never simple.
However, the thing is, we’re all human and we ALL make mistakes. And regrettably, sometimes we make mistakes that really hurt our partners.
When this occurs, it is our job to take responsibility and apologize, EVEN when your mistake is so BIG you feel like there is nearly “too much” to apologize for.
It’s true that the deeper the hurt, the longer the recovery process will take.
Continue below to find out what these steps are, and don’t hesitate to talk about experiences and your own thoughts at the end. Get Your Husband Back Coach
5 Step to Say “I Am Sorry” and Truly Mean It. Get Your Husband Back Coach
1. Forgive yourself
You could be thinking something like: “How on earth could I ever forgive myself?” Or “How can an apology start with ME?”
However there are several reasons why it’s imperative to try to make peace with yourself once you’ve made a mistake.
To start with, dwelling on remorseful and self-loathing thoughts will use all of your emotional energy up.
This isn’t going to be helpful for your marriage or you, as it keeps the focus on the issue, rather than what you can do to FIX it. If you can accept the mistake you’ve made, you’ll have the ability to focus your energy on what you could do to make up for it.
Let me be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you are not clearing yourself of any blame… You freely admit that you have made a mistake.
However, you’re also acknowledging that the behaviour you have done wrong does not mean you are a terrible person as a whole and you’ve got the chance to be your best self from now on…
2. Apologize to your partner and take full responsibility
In regards to stating sorry, the earlier the better. But, an apology needs to be said with real sincerity and feeling to be effective.
So you will need the time before you confer with your spouse, take this moment to calm down. An angry or sarcastic apology will only make the situation even more worse.
As difficult as it is, look into your spouse’s eyes when you go to confer with them.
For example; “I’m so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you were looking forward to going out and just how disappointed and hurt you must’ve felt when I came home late”.
Lastly, never never NEVER say “I am sorry” and follow it up with a “but” or an excuse.
For example: “I am so sorry I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you had been looking forward to heading out and how frustrated and hurt you have to’ve felt when I arrived home late. However, the reason I forgot about dinner is because YOU did not remind me this afternoon. You know I’m busy with work and find it hard to keep track of what is happening sometimes”.
This is going to make your apology meaningless, and also imply that you’re BLAMING your spouse — that is just going to push them farther away.
So accept full responsibility for your actions… don’t attempt to downplay your mistake to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it won’t work!) And concentrate only on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. Get Your Husband Back Coach
3. Make promises for the future
Come up with a strategy to make certain your mistake will not be repeated in the future and convey this to your spouse. Just make sure any promises you make could be followed upon.
“I will have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her out of my phone, Facebook, Twitter, and also will inform you instantly if he/she tries to get in touch with me.
I’m happy to give you access to all my account and my telephone if this would be helpful to you|If this would be helpful to you, I am happy to offer you access to every one my accounts and my telephone. I promise to keep in communication with you and from today on I will always be at home when I say I will.
I truly want to make this work and will do whatever is needed. I can clear my schedule outside of work so I could spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you’re comfortable with right now.” Get Your Husband Back Coach
4. Accept your spouse’s reaction
A frequent assumption that a spouse frequently makes is that as soon as they have apologized, wife or their husband should stop being angry or sad and give forgiveness to them.
And when this doesn’t happen, the apologizing spouse explodes and says something along the lines of: “I have just apologized! What more to you need me to do?! Why can not you just accept it and move on?!”
The thing is, you can ask your husband or wife for their forgiveness, but you can’t FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their decision.
Therefore don’t expect anything from your partner at the moment.
Yes, you are making yourself vulnerable and yes, it may feel excruciating being fulfilled by the silence or angry words of your spouse. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I am sorry”.
Therefore avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, even though this may be your initial instinct — as it will reverse the good you have done by apologizing.
And now is certainly not the time to begin pointing fingers and trying to get back in your partner for anything they’ve done.
All you can do now, as hard as it can be, is give your spouse time to come to terms with your apology and see for themselves the changes on your behavior. Forgiveness will come with time. Get Your Husband Back Coach
5. Follow your apology up with positive actions
Saying sorry is important, but it isn’t sufficient on its own to cure your partner’s hurt and move forward. It is the ACTIONS that follow that actually do most of the relationship repairing.
Apologies have to be backed up with favorable changes in behaviour, as otherwise your spouse will eliminate faith in you and will become more hurt and betrayed consequently.
If you’ve betrayed your spouse in some manner, the secret is to be ABSOLUTELY transparent with your partner in future — don’t attempt to hide or cover anything up.
Keep the lines of communication open and be honest about what — where you’re, what you’re doing, that you’re with, what you are spending… EVERYTHING.
This might seem counter-intuitive, however, the truth is that your partner is very likely to be feeling very vulnerable right now, and their hope in you has been shattered. So in order for their hope to be regained, you need to leave literally no doubts in their mind.
And keep in mind, one huge gesture of flowers and chocolates once you’ve messed up is nice, but it’s not likely to get the identical impact as constant small actions to improve your behaviour and reveal your spouse how much you value them.
Even if your spouse does not accept your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to show how sorry you’re through loving actions, you’ve got the best hope of regaining their love and trust. Get Your Husband Back Coach