Get Your Husband Back Book
Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say for your spouse — I’m sure you agree!
By saying this, you are admitting that you’ve messed up and have hurt among those people you love the most. It is never simple.
But the thing is, we are all human and we ALL make mistakes. And unfortunately, sometimes we make mistakes which actually hurt our spouses.
When this occurs, it is our job apologize and to take responsibility for our actions, EVEN whenever your mistake is so BIG you feel like there is nearly “too much” to apologize for.
It is a fact that the deeper the hurt, the longer the healing process will take.
Continue below to find out what these steps are, and don’t hesitate to share your thoughts and experiences at the end. Get Your Husband Back Book
5 Step to Say “I’m Sorry” and Truly Mean It. Get Your Husband Back Book
1. Forgive yourself
You might be thinking something like: “How in the world can I ever forgive myself?” Or “How do an apology begin with ME?”
But there are several reasons why it’s imperative to try to make peace with yourself once you’ve made a mistake.
To start with, dwelling on thoughts that are self-loathing and remorseful is going to use up all of your emotional energy.
This isn’t going to be helpful for you or your marriage, since it keeps the focus on the issue, rather than what you can do to FIX it. If you can accept the mistake you’ve made, you’ll have the ability to then focus your energy on what you could do in order to make up for it.
Allow me to be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you’re not clearing yourself of any blame… You freely admit that you’ve made a mistake.
But you are also acknowledging that the behaviour you have done wrong does not mean you are a terrible person as a whole and you’ve got the chance to be your best self from now on…
2. Apologize to your spouse and take full responsibility
When it comes to stating sorry, the sooner the better. However, an apology has to be said with feeling and real sincerity to be effective.
So you need the time until you apologize to your spouse, take this time to calm down. An sarcastic or angry apology is only going to make the situation even more worse.
As hard as it is, look into your spouse’s eyes when you go to apologize to them.
For instance; “I am so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you were looking forward to going out and how disappointed and hurt you have felt when I came home late”.
Last, never never NEVER say “I am sorry” and follow this up with a “but” or an excuse.
For instance: “I am so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you were looking forward to heading out and how frustrated and hurt you have to’ve felt when I arrived home. However, the reason why I forgot about dinner is because YOU didn’t remind me this morning. You know I’m busy with work and find it difficult to keep track of what’s going on sometimes”.
This is going to make your apology meaningless, and even imply that you are BLAMING your partner — that is just going to push them farther away.
So accept full responsibility for the actions… Do not try to downplay your mistake to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it will not work!) And concentrate only on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. Get Your Husband Back Book
3. Make promises for the future
Come up with a strategy to make certain your mistake won’t be repeated in the future and communicate this to your partner. Just make sure any promises you make could be followed up on.
“I will have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her out of my telephone, Facebook, Twitter, and will let you know instantly if he/she ever tries to get in touch with me.
I’m pleased to give you access to all of my account and my phone if this would be helpful to you|If that would be helpful to you, I am pleased to offer you access. I promise to keep in regular communication with you and from now on I will always be at home when I say I will.
I really want to make this work and will do anything is needed. I will clear my schedule out of work so that I could spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you are comfortable with right now.” Get Your Husband Back Book
4. Accept your spouse’s reaction
A common assumption that a spouse frequently makes is that when they have apologized, their husband or wife should stop being angry or sad and give forgiveness to them.
And when this doesn’t happen, the apologizing spouse stinks and says something along the lines of: “I have just apologized! What more to you need me to do?! Why can not you just accept it and move on?!”
The thing is, you can ask your husband or spouse for their forgiveness, but you can not FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their decision.
So don’t expect anything from your spouse at the moment.
Yes, you are making yourself vulnerable and yes, it might feel excruciating being met by the silence or angry words of your spouse. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I am sorry”.
So avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, even though this may be your initial instinct — since it is only going to reverse the good you have accomplished by apologizing.
And now is certainly not the time to begin pointing fingers and trying to get back at your spouse for anything they have done.
All you can do now, as hard as it will be, is give your partner time to come to terms with your own apology and also see for themselves the changes on your behavior. Forgiveness will come with time. Get Your Husband Back Book
5. Follow your apology up with positive actions
Saying sorry is important, but it isn’t sufficient on its own to heal your partner’s harm and move. It is the ACTIONS that follow which actually do the majority of the relationship fixing.
Apologies have to be backed up with positive changes in behavior, as otherwise your spouse will eliminate faith in you and will end up more hurt and betrayed as a result.
If you’ve betrayed your spouse in some way, the biggest secret is to be utterly transparent with your partner in future — do not attempt to hide or cover up anything.
Keep the lines of communication open and be honest about everything — where you are, what you’re doing, that you are with, what you are spending… EVERYTHING.
This may seem over-the-top, but the simple truth is that your partner is very likely to be feeling very vulnerable right now, and their trust in you has been ruined. So in order to their trust to be recovered, you need to leave literally no doubts in their own mind.
And remember, one big gesture of flowers and chocolates after you have messed up is fine, but it’s not likely to have exactly the identical effect as constant small steps to improve your behaviour and reveal your spouse how much you appreciate them.
Even if your spouse doesn’t take your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to show how sorry you’re through loving actions, you’ve got the best hope of regaining their trust and love. Get Your Husband Back Book