Get Your Husband Back After Divorce
Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say to your partner — I am certain you all agree!
By saying this, you are admitting that you have messed up and have hurt one of those people you love the most. It’s never easy.
But the thing is, we’re all human and most of us make mistakes. And unfortunately, sometimes we make mistakes that really hurt our spouses.
When this occurs, it is our job to take responsibility for our actions and apologize, EVEN when your mistake is so BIG you feel like there’s nearly “too much” to apologize for.
It is true that the deeper the hurt, the longer the healing process will require.
Continue below to learn what these steps are, and feel free to share experiences and your own thoughts in the end. Get Your Husband Back After Divorce
5 Step to Say “I’m Sorry” and Really Mean It. Get Your Husband Back After Divorce
1. Forgive yourself
You could be thinking something like: “How in the world could I ever forgive myself?” Or “How do an apology start with ME?”
But there are several reasons why it’s necessary to try to make peace with yourself once you’ve made a mistake.
First of all, dwelling on thoughts that are self-loathing and remorseful is going to use up all of your emotional energy.
This isn’t going to be useful for you or your marriage, since it keeps the focus on the issue, rather than what you can do to FIX it. If you can accept the mistake you have made, you will have the ability to then focus your energy on what you can do in order to compensate for it.
Allow me to be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you are not clearing yourself of any blame… You freely admit that you’ve made a mistake.
But you are also acknowledging that the behaviour you have done wrong does not mean you are a bad person as a whole and you’ve got the opportunity to be your very best self from now on…
2. Apologize to your spouse and accept full responsibility
When it comes to saying sorry, the sooner the better. But, an apology has to be said with feeling and real sincerity to work.
So you need time before you apologize to your partner, take this time to calm down. An angry or sarcastic apology will only make the situation even more worse.
As difficult as it can, look at your spouse’s eyes when you go to apologize to them.
For instance; “I am so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I know how much you were looking forward to going out and how disappointed and hurt you must’ve felt when I came home late”.
Lastly, never never NEVER say “I’m sorry” and follow this up with a “but” or an excuse.
For example: “I’m so sorry I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I know how much you had been looking forward to heading out and how frustrated and hurt you have to’ve felt when I arrived home. BUT the reason I forgot about dinner is because YOU didn’t remind me this afternoon. You know I’m busy with work and find it difficult to keep track of what’s going on sometimes”.
This will make your apology meaningless, and even indicate that you’re BLAMING your spouse — which is just going to push them farther away.
So take full responsibility for your actions… Do not attempt to downplay your mistake to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it won’t work!) And focus just on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. Get Your Husband Back After Divorce
3. Make promises for the future
Come up with a plan to make certain your mistake will not be repeated in the future and communicate this to your partner. Make sure any promises you make could be followed up on.
“I have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her out of my telephone, Facebook, Twitter, and will let you know immediately if he/she tries to get in touch with me.
I am pleased to give you access to all of my accounts and my telephone if this would be helpful to you|If this would be helpful to you, I’m pleased to give you open access to all of my account and my phone. I promise to keep in regular communication with you about what I am doing and from now on I will always be at home when I say I will.
I really wish to make this work and will do whatever is needed. I will clear my schedule outside of work so that I can spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you are comfortable with right now.” Get Your Husband Back After Divorce
4. Accept your spouse’s reaction
A common assumption that a partner often makes is that as soon as they have apologized, their spouse or spouse should stop being sad or angry and give forgiveness to them.
And when this does not happen, the apologizing spouse explodes and says something along the lines of: “I’ve just apologized! What more to you need me to do?! Why can’t you just accept it and move on?!”
The thing is, you can ask your husband or wife for their forgiveness, but you can not FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their choice.
Therefore don’t expect anything from your partner right now.
Yes, you’re making yourself vulnerable and yes, it might feel excruciating being fulfilled by your spouse’s silence or angry words. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I’m sorry”.
So avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, even though this might be your initial instinct — since it will only reverse the good you have just done by apologizing.
And now is definitely not the time to start pointing fingers and trying to get back at your partner for anything they’ve done.
All you can do right now, as hard as it is, is give your spouse time to come to terms with your own apology and also see for themselves the changes in your behavior. Forgiveness will come with time. Get Your Husband Back After Divorce
5. Follow your apology up with positive actions
Saying sorry is important, but it is not enough on its own to heal your partner’s harm and move. It’s the ACTIONS that follow which actually do the majority of the relationship fixing.
Apologies have to be backed up with positive changes in behavior, as otherwise your spouse will lose faith in you and also will become more hurt and betrayed consequently.
If you have betrayed your partner in some way, the key is to be ABSOLUTELY transparent with your spouse in future — don’t attempt to hide or cover up anything.
Keep the lines of communication open and be fair about everything — where you are, what you’re doing, who you’re with, what you are spending… EVERYTHING.
This may appear over-the-top, but the truth is that your spouse is very likely to be feeling really vulnerable at the moment, and their hope in you has been ruined. So in order to their hope to be recovered, you have to leave literally no doubts in their own mind.
And remember, one big gesture of chocolates and flowers once you’ve messed up is nice, but it is not likely to have exactly the identical effect as constant small steps to improve your behavior and reveal your partner how much you appreciate them.
Even if your partner doesn’t take your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to demonstrate how sorry you are through loving actions, you have the best hope of regaining their trust and love. Get Your Husband Back After Divorce