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Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say for your spouse — I’m sure you all agree!
By saying this, you’re admitting that you have messed up and have hurt one of those people you love the most. It is never simple.
But the thing is, we are all human and we make mistakes. And unfortunately, sometimes we make mistakes which really hurt our spouses.
When this happens, it’s our job apologize and to take responsibility, EVEN when your mistake is so BIG you feel like there’s almost “too much” to apologize for.
It is a fact that the deeper the hurt, the longer the recovery process will take.
Continue below to learn what these steps are, and don’t hesitate to talk about experiences and your thoughts in the end. Get Ur Husband Back
5 Step to Say “I Am Sorry” and Truly Mean It. Get Ur Husband Back
1. Forgive yourself
You could be thinking something like: “How on earth can I ever forgive myself?” Or “How do an apology start with ME?”
However there are several reasons why it is necessary to try to make peace with yourself once you’ve made a mistake.
First of all, dwelling on self-loathing and remorseful thoughts is going to use up all of your emotional energy.
This is NOT going to be helpful for your marriage or you, since it keeps the focus on the PROBLEM, rather than what you can do to repair it. If you can accept the mistake you have made, you will be able to then focus your energy on what you could do to compensate for it.
Let me be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you are not clearing yourself of any blame… You openly admit that you have made a mistake.
But you are also acknowledging that the behavior you have done wrong does not mean you are a bad person as a whole and you have the chance to be your very best self from now on…
2. Apologize to your partner and take full responsibility
When it comes to stating sorry, the sooner the better. But, an apology has to be said with real sincerity and feeling to work.
So you will need time to calm down until you confer with your partner, take this time. An sarcastic or angry apology is only going to make the situation even more worse.
As hard as it is, look into your spouse’s eyes once you go to apologize to them.
For example; “I am so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you were looking forward to going out and how disappointed and hurt you must’ve felt when I came home late”.
Lastly, never never NEVER say “I’m sorry” and follow this up with a “but” or an excuse.
For example: “I am so sorry I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you had been looking forward to going out and how disappointed and hurt you have to’ve felt when I arrived home late. BUT the reason I forgot about dinner is because YOU didn’t remind me this afternoon. You know I am busy with work and find it difficult to keep track of what’s going on sometimes”.
This will make your apology meaningless, and also indicate that you’re BLAMING your spouse — that is just going to push them further away.
So take full responsibility for the actions… Do not attempt to downplay your mistake to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it won’t work!) And focus only on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. Get Ur Husband Back
3. Make promises for the future
Come up with a plan to ensure your mistake will not be repeated in the future and convey this to your spouse. Just make sure any promises you make can be followed up on.
“I have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her from my phone, Facebook, Twitter, and also will let you know immediately if he/she tries to get in touch with me.
I’m happy to give you access to all of my account and my phone if that would be helpful to you|If that would be helpful to you, I am happy to offer you access. I promise to keep in communication with you about what I am doing and from now on I will always be at home when I say I will.
I really wish to make this work and will do anything is needed. I can clear my schedule out of work so that I could spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you’re comfortable with right now.” Get Ur Husband Back
4. Accept your spouse’s reaction
A common premise that a partner often makes is that when they have apologized, wife or their husband should stop being sad or mad and give forgiveness to them.
And when this does not happen, the apologizing spouse explodes and says something along the lines of: “I have just apologized! What more to you want me to do?! Why can’t you just accept it and move on?!”
The thing is, you can ask your husband or spouse for their forgiveness, but you can not FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their own choice.
Therefore don’t expect anything from your partner at the moment.
It’s true, you’re making yourself vulnerable and yes, it might feel excruciating being met angry words or by your partner’s silence. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I am sorry”.
So avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, despite the fact that this might be your initial instinct — as it is only going to reverse the good you have accomplished by apologizing.
And now is certainly not the time to start pointing fingers and trying to get back at your partner for anything they have done.
All you can do right now, as hard as it is, is give your spouse time to come to terms with your apology and also see for themselves that the adjustments in your behaviour. Forgiveness will come with time. Get Ur Husband Back
5. Follow your apology up with positive actions
Saying sorry is important, but it is not sufficient on its own to cure your spouse’s harm and move. It’s the ACTIONS that follow which actually do the majority of the relationship repairing.
Apologies have to get backed up with favorable changes in behaviour, as otherwise your partner will lose faith in you and also will become more hurt and betrayed consequently.
If you’ve betrayed your partner in some manner, the key is to be ABSOLUTELY transparent with your partner in future — do not try to hide or cover anything up.
Keep the lines of communication open and be fair about everything — where you are, what you are doing, who you are with, what you are spending… EVERYTHING.
This might appear counter-intuitive, however, the truth is that your spouse is very likely to be feeling very vulnerable right now, and their trust in you has been ruined. So in order to their trust to be regained, you need to leave literally zero doubts in their own mind.
And keep in mind, one huge gesture of flowers and chocolates after you have messed up is fine, but it is not going to have exactly the identical effect as continuous small steps to improve your behaviour and reveal your spouse how much you value them.
Even if your partner does not accept your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to show how sorry you’re through loving actions, you have the best hope of regaining their trust and love. Get Ur Husband Back