Get Back At Your Husband
Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say for your spouse — I am sure you agree!
By saying this, you are admitting that you have messed up and have hurt one of those people that you love the most. It is never easy.
But the thing is, we’re all human and most of us make mistakes. And regrettably, sometimes we make mistakes which actually hurt our spouses.
When this happens, it’s our job to take responsibility and apologize, EVEN whenever your mistake is so BIG you feel like there is nearly “too much” to apologize for.
It’s true that the deeper the hurt, the longer the recovery process will require.
Continue below to learn what these steps are, and feel free to talk about your own thoughts and experiences in the conclusion. Get Back At Your Husband
5 Step to Say “I’m Sorry” and Really Mean It. Get Back At Your Husband
1. Forgive yourself
You could be thinking something like: “How on earth could I ever forgive myself?” Or “How do an apology begin with ME?”
However there are several reasons why it is imperative to attempt to make peace with yourself after you have made a mistake.
To start with, dwelling on remorseful and self-loathing thoughts is going to use up all of your emotional energy.
This is NOT going to be helpful for you or your marriage, as it keeps the focus on the PROBLEM, rather than what you can do to repair it. If you can accept the mistake you have made, you’ll be able to focus your energy on what you can do in order to make up for it.
Let me be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you are not clearing yourself of any blame… You openly admit that you’ve made a mistake.
But you’re also acknowledging that the behaviour you have done wrong does not mean you’re a terrible person as a whole and you’ve got the chance to be your best self from now on…
2. Apologize to your partner and take full responsibility
In regards to saying sorry, the sooner the better. But, an apology has to be said with feeling and real sincerity to work.
So you will need time to calm down before you confer with your spouse, take this moment. An angry or sarcastic apology will only make the situation even more worse.
As hard as it can, look at your partner’s eyes when you go to confer with them.
For example; “I am so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you had been looking forward to going out and just how disappointed and hurt you have felt when I came home late”.
Lastly, never never NEVER say “I am sorry” and follow this up with a “but” or an excuse.
For instance: “I am so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you were looking forward to heading out and how frustrated and hurt you must’ve felt when I came home. However, the reason why I forgot about dinner is because YOU didn’t remind me this morning. You know I’m busy with work and find it hard to keep track of what is going on sometimes”.
This will make your apology meaningless, and even indicate that you are BLAMING your spouse — which is just going to push them further away.
So accept full responsibility for the actions… Do not try to reevaluate your error to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it will not work!) And concentrate only on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. Get Back At Your Husband
3. Make promises for the future
Come up with a strategy to ensure your mistake will not be repeated in the future and convey this to your partner. Just make sure any promises you make could be followed upon.
“I will have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her from my telephone, Facebook, Twitter, and will let you know immediately if he/she ever tries to get in touch with me.
I’m pleased to give you access to all of my accounts and my telephone if this would be helpful to you|If this would be helpful to you, I’m pleased to offer you access to every one my accounts and my phone. I promise to keep in communication with you and from today on I will always be at home when I say I will.
I truly want to make this work and will do whatever is needed. I can clear my schedule out of work so that I could spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you’re comfortable with at this time.” Get Back At Your Husband
4. Accept your spouse’s reaction
A common premise that a spouse often makes is that as soon as they have apologized, their spouse or spouse should stop being sad or mad and give forgiveness to them.
And if this doesn’t happen, the apologizing spouse explodes and says something along the lines of: “I have just apologized! What more to you need me to do?! Why can’t you just accept it and move on?!”
The thing is, you can ask your husband or spouse for their forgiveness, but you can’t FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their decision.
So don’t expect anything from your spouse at the moment.
It’s true, you’re making yourself vulnerable and yes, it might feel excruciating being fulfilled by the silence or angry words of your spouse. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I am sorry”.
So avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, despite the fact that this may be your first instinct — as it is only going to reverse the good you have accomplished by apologizing.
And now is certainly not the time to begin pointing fingers and trying to get back at your spouse for whatever they have done.
All you can do now, as hard as it is, is give your spouse time to come to terms with your apology and see for themselves that the changes in your behavior. Forgiveness will come with time. Get Back At Your Husband
5. Follow your apology up with positive actions
Saying sorry is important, but it is not sufficient on its own to cure your spouse’s harm and move forward. It is the ACTIONS that follow which actually do most of the relationship repairing.
Apologies need to get backed up with positive changes in behavior, as otherwise your partner will eliminate faith in you and also will become more hurt and betrayed consequently.
If you have betrayed your spouse in some way, the key is to be utterly transparent with your partner in future — do not try to hide or cover up anything.
Keep the lines of communication open and be fair about everything — where you’re, what you are doing, that you are with, what you’re spending… EVERYTHING.
This might appear counter-intuitive, however, the truth is that your partner is likely to be feeling very vulnerable at the moment, and their trust in you has been ruined. So in order to their hope to be recovered, you need to leave literally zero doubts in their own mind.
And remember, one huge gesture of flowers and chocolates after you have messed up is fine, but it is not likely to get exactly the same impact as continuous small steps to improve your behavior and show your partner how much you appreciate them.
Even if your spouse doesn’t accept your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to show how sorry you’re through loving actions, you’ve got the hope of regaining their trust and love. Get Back At Your Husband