Get Back At My Husband
Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say to your spouse — I am sure you all agree!
By saying this, you’re admitting that you’ve messed up and have hurt one of those people you love the most. It’s never simple.
However, the thing is, we’re all human and most of us make mistakes. And regrettably, sometimes we make mistakes which actually hurt our partners.
When this happens, it’s our job apologize and to take responsibility, EVEN whenever your mistake is so BIG you feel like there is nearly “too much” to apologize for.
It is true that the deeper the hurt, the longer the recovery process will require.
Continue below to learn what these steps are, and feel free to share experiences and your own thoughts at the conclusion. Get Back At My Husband
5 Step to Say “I’m Sorry” and Truly Mean It. Get Back At My Husband
1. Forgive yourself
You could be thinking something like: “How on earth could I ever forgive myself?” Or “How do an apology begin with ME?”
But there are several reasons why it’s imperative to try to make peace with yourself after you have made a mistake.
First of all, dwelling on thoughts that are self-loathing and remorseful will use up all of your emotional energy.
This is NOT going to be useful for you or your marriage, since it keeps the focus on the PROBLEM, rather than what you can do to repair it. If you can accept the mistake you have made, you’ll have the ability to then focus your energy on what you can do in order to make up for it.
Allow me to be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you’re not clearing yourself of any blame… You freely admit that you have made a mistake.
But you’re also acknowledging that the behaviour you have done wrong does not mean you’re a bad person as a whole and you’ve got the chance to be your best self from now on…
2. Apologize to your spouse and accept full responsibility
In regards to saying sorry, the sooner the better. But, an apology needs to be said with feeling and real sincerity to work.
So you need the time to calm down until you apologize to your spouse, take this time. An sarcastic or angry apology will only make the situation even more worse.
As hard as it can, look into your spouse’s eyes once you go to apologize to them.
For example; “I am so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you were looking forward to going out and how disappointed and hurt you have felt when I came home late”.
Last, never never NEVER say “I am sorry” and follow this up with a “but” or an excuse.
For instance: “I’m so sorry I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you were looking forward to going out and how frustrated and hurt you must’ve felt when I arrived home late. However, the reason why I forgot about dinner is because YOU didn’t remind me this morning. You know I’m busy with work and find it difficult to keep track of what’s going on occasionally”.
This is going to make your apology meaningless, and even indicate that you are BLAMING your spouse — which is only going to push them farther away.
So take full responsibility for your actions… don’t attempt to downplay your mistake to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it won’t work!) And focus just on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. Get Back At My Husband
3. Make promises for the future
Come up with a plan to make certain your mistake will not be repeated in the future and convey this to your spouse. Just make sure any promises you make can be followed upon.
“I have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her out of my telephone, Facebook, Twitter, and will let you know instantly if he/she tries to get in contact with me.
I’m happy to give you open access to all my account and my telephone if this would be helpful to you|If that would be helpful to you, I am pleased to give you access. I promise to keep in regular communication with you and from today on I will always be at home when I say I will.
I really want to make this work and will do anything is needed. I will clear my schedule out of work so I could spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you are comfortable with at this time.” Get Back At My Husband
4. Accept your spouse’s reaction
A common assumption that a spouse often makes is that as soon as they’ve apologized, wife or their husband should stop being angry or sad and give forgiveness to them.
And when this does not happen, the apologizing spouse explodes and says something along the lines of: “I have just apologized! What more to you want me to do?! Why can’t you just accept it and move on?!”
The thing is, you can ask your husband or wife for their forgiveness, but you can’t FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their choice.
So don’t expect anything from your spouse right now.
It’s true, you are making yourself vulnerable and yes, it may feel excruciating being fulfilled angry words or by your spouse’s silence. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I’m sorry”.
Therefore avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, even though this may be your first instinct — since it is only going to undo the good you have accomplished by apologizing.
And now is definitely not the time to start pointing fingers and trying to get back at your partner for anything they’ve done.
All you can do right now, as hard as it will be, is give your partner time to come to terms with your own apology and also see for themselves the adjustments in your behaviour. Forgiveness will come with time. Get Back At My Husband
5. Follow your apology up with positive actions
Saying sorry is important, but it isn’t enough on its own to cure your spouse’s harm and move. It’s the ACTIONS that follow which actually do the majority of the relationship fixing.
Apologies need to be backed up with favorable changes in behaviour, as otherwise your partner will eliminate faith in you and will become more hurt and betrayed consequently.
If you’ve betrayed your partner in some way, the secret is to be ABSOLUTELY transparent with your spouse in future — do not try to hide or cover up anything.
Keep the lines of communication open and be honest about everything — where you’re, what you’re doing, that you are with, what you’re spending… EVERYTHING.
This may appear over-the-top, but the simple truth is that your partner is very likely to be feeling very vulnerable right now, and their trust in you has been ruined. So in order to their trust to be recovered, you have to leave literally zero doubts in their mind.
And remember, one huge gesture of flowers and chocolates after you’ve messed up is nice, but it is not likely to have the identical effect as constant small actions to improve your behavior and show your partner how much you appreciate them.
Even if your spouse doesn’t take your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to show how sorry you’re through loving actions, you have the best hope of regaining their love and trust. Get Back At My Husband