Do I Want My Ex Husband Back
Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say for your spouse — I’m sure you all agree!
By saying this, you’re admitting that you’ve messed up and have hurt among those people you love the most. It is never simple.
But the thing is, we are all human and we ALL make mistakes. And unfortunately, sometimes we make mistakes that really hurt our partners.
When this happens, it is our job to take responsibility for our actions and apologize, EVEN when your mistake is so BIG you really feel like there’s almost “too much” to apologize for.
It’s true that the deeper the hurt, the longer the recovery process will require.
Continue below to find out what these steps are, and don’t hesitate to share your own thoughts and experiences in the end. Do I Want My Ex Husband Back
5 Step to Say “I Am Sorry” and Really Mean It. Do I Want My Ex Husband Back
1. Forgive yourself
You might be thinking something like: “How on earth could I ever forgive myself?” Or “How do an apology begin with ME?”
However there are numerous reasons why it’s necessary to try to make peace with yourself once you have made a mistake.
To start with, dwelling on self-loathing and remorseful thoughts will use all of your emotional energy up.
This is NOT going to be useful for your marriage or you, as it keeps the focus on the PROBLEM, rather than what you can do to FIX it. If you can accept the mistake you’ve made, you will be able to focus your energy on what you could do to compensate for it.
Allow me to be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you’re not clearing yourself of any blame… You freely admit that you have made a mistake.
But you’re also acknowledging that the behaviour you have done wrong does not mean you are a bad person as a whole and you have the opportunity to be your very best self from now on…
2. Apologize to your partner and take full responsibility
In regards to stating sorry, the earlier the better. However, an apology needs to be said with genuine sincerity and feeling to work.
So you will need time before you apologize to your spouse, take this time to calm down. An sarcastic or angry apology will make the situation even more worse.
As hard as it can, look at your partner’s eyes once you go to confer with them.
For instance; “I’m so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I know how much you were looking forward to going out and how disappointed and hurt you have felt when I came home late”.
Last, never never NEVER say “I’m sorry” and follow it up with a “but” or an excuse.
For instance: “I’m so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you were looking forward to heading out and how disappointed and hurt you have to’ve felt when I arrived home. However, the reason I forgot about dinner is because YOU didn’t remind me this morning. You know I am busy with work and find it difficult to keep track of what is going on occasionally”.
This is going to make your apology meaningless, and even indicate that you’re BLAMING your spouse — that is just going to push them farther away.
So take full responsibility for your actions… don’t try to downplay your mistake to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it will not work!) And concentrate only on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. Do I Want My Ex Husband Back
3. Make promises for the future
Come up with a strategy to ensure your mistake won’t be repeated in the future and communicate this to your spouse. Just make sure any promises you make can be followed upon.
“I have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her from my phone, Facebook, Twitter, and will inform you instantly if he/she tries to get in touch with me.
I’m pleased to give you open access to all of my account and my telephone if that would be helpful to you|If that would be helpful to you, I’m happy to offer you open access to all of my account and my phone. I promise to keep in communication with you about what I am doing and from today on I will always be at home when I say I will.
I really wish to make this work and will do anything it takes. I can clear my schedule outside of work so I can spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you’re comfortable with right now.” Do I Want My Ex Husband Back
4. Accept your spouse’s reaction
A frequent premise that a partner often makes is that when they have apologized, wife or their husband should stop being mad or sad and give forgiveness to them.
And if this does not happen, the apologizing spouse stinks and says something along the lines of: “I’ve just apologized! What more to you want me to do?! Why can not you just accept it and move on?!”
The thing is, you can ask your husband or wife for their forgiveness, but you can’t FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their own decision.
Therefore don’t expect anything from your spouse right now.
It’s true, you’re making yourself vulnerable and yes, it might feel excruciating being fulfilled by the silence or angry words of your spouse. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I am sorry”.
Therefore avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, even though this may be your first instinct — as it will undo the good you have accomplished by apologizing.
And now is definitely not the time to begin pointing fingers and trying to get back at your partner for whatever they have done.
All you can do right now, as hard as it can be, is give your partner time to come to terms with your apology and see for themselves that the adjustments in your behaviour. Forgiveness will come with time. Do I Want My Ex Husband Back
5. Follow your apology up with positive actions
Saying sorry is important, but it isn’t enough on its own to cure your partner’s harm and move forward. It’s the ACTIONS that follow which really do the majority of the relationship fixing.
Apologies have to be backed up with positive changes in behaviour, as otherwise your spouse will lose faith in you and also will end up more hurt and betrayed as a result.
If you have betrayed your partner in some way, the key is to be ABSOLUTELY transparent with your spouse in future — do not attempt to hide or cover up anything.
Keep the lines of communication open and be honest about what — where you are, what you’re doing, that you’re with, what you’re spending… EVERYTHING.
This may seem counter-intuitive, however, the simple truth is that your partner is very likely to be feeling really vulnerable at the moment, and their hope in you has been ruined. So in order for their hope to be regained, you have to leave literally no doubts in their own mind.
And remember, one big gesture of chocolates and flowers once you have messed up is fine, but it’s not going to have exactly the identical effect as constant small steps to improve your behavior and reveal your spouse how much you value them.
Even if your spouse doesn’t accept your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to show how sorry you are through loving actions, you have the best hope of regaining their love and trust. Do I Want My Ex Husband Back