Do I Take My Husband Back After Cheating
Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say to your partner — I’m sure you agree!
By saying so, you are admitting that you have messed up and have hurt among those people that you love the most. It’s never easy.
However, the thing is, we are all human and most of us make mistakes. And unfortunately, sometimes we make mistakes which really hurt our spouses.
When this happens, it’s our job apologize and to take responsibility for our actions, EVEN when your mistake is so BIG you feel like there is almost “too much” to apologize for.
It’s a fact that the deeper the hurt, the longer the recovery process will require.
Continue below to find out what these steps are, and don’t hesitate to talk about experiences and your own thoughts at the end. Do I Take My Husband Back After Cheating
5 Step to Say “I’m Sorry” and Really Mean It. Do I Take My Husband Back After Cheating
1. Forgive yourself
You could be thinking something like: “How in the world can I ever forgive myself?” Or “How can an apology start with ME?”
However there are several reasons why it is imperative to try to make peace with yourself after you have made a mistake.
First of all, dwelling on thoughts that are self-loathing and remorseful is going to use all of your emotional energy up.
This is NOT going to be helpful for you or your marriage, as it keeps the focus on the PROBLEM, rather than what you can do to repair it. If you can accept the mistake you have made, you will have the ability to then focus your energy on what you could do in order to compensate for it.
Let me be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you are not clearing yourself of any blame… You freely admit that you’ve made a mistake.
However, you’re also acknowledging that the behaviour you’ve done wrong does not mean you are a terrible person as a whole and you have the opportunity to be your best self from now on…
2. Apologize to your partner and take full responsibility
In regards to stating sorry, the earlier the better. However, an apology needs to be said with genuine sincerity and feeling to be effective.
So you will need time until you confer with your partner, take this moment to calm down. An angry or sarcastic apology is only going to make the situation even more worse.
As difficult as it is, look at your partner’s eyes once you go to confer with them.
For instance; “I am so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you were looking forward to going out and just how disappointed and hurt you have felt when I came home late”.
Last, never never NEVER say “I’m sorry” and follow this up with a “but” or an excuse.
For example: “I am so sorry I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you were looking forward to going out and how disappointed and hurt you must’ve felt when I came home late. However, the reason I forgot about dinner is because YOU didn’t remind me this morning. You know I’m busy with work and find it hard to keep track of what’s going on sometimes”.
This is going to make your apology meaningless, and also imply that you are BLAMING your spouse — which is only going to push them farther away.
So take full responsibility for the actions… Do not try to reevaluate your error to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it will not work!) And concentrate just on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. Do I Take My Husband Back After Cheating
3. Make promises for the future
Come up with a plan to ensure your mistake will not be repeated in the future and convey this to your spouse. Just make sure any promises you make could be followed up on.
“I will have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her from my phone, Facebook, Twitter, and also will inform you instantly if he/she tries to get in contact with me.
I’m pleased to give you open access to all my accounts and my phone if that would be helpful to you|If this would be helpful to you, I’m pleased to give you access. I promise to keep in communication with you and from today on I will always be at home when I say I will.
I truly want to make this work and will do whatever it takes. I will clear my schedule outside of work so I could spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you’re comfortable with right now.” Do I Take My Husband Back After Cheating
4. Accept your spouse’s reaction
A frequent assumption that a spouse often makes is that as soon as they have apologized, wife or their husband should stop being mad or sad and give them forgiveness.
And if this doesn’t happen, the apologizing spouse explodes and says something along the lines of: “I’ve just apologized! What more to you need me to do?! Why can not you just accept it and move on?!”
The thing is, you can ask your husband or spouse for their forgiveness, but you can not FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their choice.
So don’t expect anything from your spouse right now.
Yes, you’re making yourself vulnerable and yes, it may feel excruciating being met by the silence or angry words of your spouse. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I am sorry”.
Therefore avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, even though this may be your first instinct — as it will reverse the good you have accomplished by apologizing.
And now is definitely not the time to begin pointing fingers and trying to get back at your partner for anything they have done.
All you can do right now, as hard as it can be, is give your partner time to come to terms with your apology and see for themselves that the adjustments on your own behavior. Forgiveness will come with time. Do I Take My Husband Back After Cheating
5. Follow your apology up with positive actions
Saying sorry is important, but it is not enough on its own to heal your partner’s harm and move. It is the ACTIONS that follow that really do most of the relationship fixing.
Apologies have to get backed up with positive changes in behavior, as otherwise your spouse will eliminate faith in you and will end up more hurt and betrayed as a result.
If you have betrayed your partner in some way, the key is to be ABSOLUTELY transparent with your spouse in future — do not try to hide or cover anything up.
Keep the lines of communication open and be fair about what — where you’re, what you’re doing, who you are with, what you are spending… EVERYTHING.
This may seem counter-intuitive, however, the truth is that your partner is likely to be feeling very vulnerable at the moment, and their trust in you has been shattered. So in order for their hope to be regained, you need to leave literally zero doubts in their mind.
And remember, one huge gesture of chocolates and flowers once you have messed up is fine, but it’s not going to have the identical impact as continuous small steps to improve your behavior and show your partner how much you value them.
Even if your spouse doesn’t take your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to show how sorry you’re through loving actions, you have the hope of regaining their love and trust. Do I Take My Husband Back After Cheating