Can You Get Your Husband Back After Divorce
Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say to your spouse — I’m certain you agree!
By saying this, you are admitting that you’ve messed up and have hurt among those people that you love the most. It’s never easy.
However, the thing is, we’re all human and we ALL make mistakes. And regrettably, sometimes we make mistakes that actually hurt our partners.
When this occurs, it is our job apologize and to take responsibility, EVEN when your mistake is so BIG you feel like there is almost “too much” to apologize for.
It is a fact that the deeper the hurt, the longer the healing process will take.
Continue below to find out what these steps are, and feel free to talk about experiences and your own thoughts in the conclusion. Can You Get Your Husband Back After Divorce
5 Step to Say “I’m Sorry” and Truly Mean It. Can You Get Your Husband Back After Divorce
1. Forgive yourself
You could be thinking something like: “How on earth could I ever forgive myself?” Or “How do an apology begin with ME?”
But there are numerous reasons why it’s necessary to try to make peace with yourself after you’ve made a mistake.
To start with, dwelling on thoughts that are self-loathing and remorseful is going to use all of your emotional energy up.
This is NOT going to be helpful for you or your marriage, since it keeps the focus on the issue, rather than what you can do to FIX it. If you can accept the mistake you’ve made, you’ll be able to focus your energy on what you can do in order to make up for it.
Allow me to be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you are not clearing yourself of any blame… You openly admit that you’ve made a mistake.
But you are also acknowledging that the behavior you’ve done wrong does not mean you are a bad person as a whole and you’ve got the opportunity to be your best self from now on…
2. Apologize to your spouse and take full responsibility
In regards to saying sorry, the earlier the better. However, an apology has to be said with real sincerity and feeling to work.
So you need the time to calm down until you confer with your spouse, take this moment. An angry or sarcastic apology will only make the situation even more worse.
As hard as it can, look at your spouse’s eyes when you go to confer with them.
For instance; “I’m so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you had been looking forward to going out and just how disappointed and hurt you must’ve felt when I came home late”.
Lastly, never never NEVER say “I’m sorry” and follow this up with a “but” or an excuse.
For instance: “I’m so sorry I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I know how much you were looking forward to going out and how disappointed and hurt you must’ve felt when I arrived home late. BUT the reason why I forgot about dinner is because YOU didn’t remind me this afternoon. You know I’m busy with work and find it hard to keep track of what’s going on sometimes”.
This will make your apology meaningless, and even indicate that you are BLAMING your spouse — which is just going to push them farther away.
So take full responsibility for your actions… Do not try to reevaluate your error to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it will not work!) And concentrate only on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. Can You Get Your Husband Back After Divorce
3. Make promises for the future
Come up with a plan to make certain your mistake won’t be repeated in the future and convey this to your spouse. Make sure any promises you make can be followed up on.
“I have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her out of my telephone, Facebook, Twitter, and also will let you know immediately if he/she tries to get in contact with me.
I am happy to give you open access to all of my accounts and my phone if that would be helpful to you|If this would be helpful to you, I’m happy to offer you access to every one my accounts and my phone. I promise to keep in regular communication with you and from now on I will always be at home when I say I will.
I truly want to make this work and will do whatever is needed. I will clear my schedule outside of work so I can spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you’re comfortable with right now.” Can You Get Your Husband Back After Divorce
4. Accept your spouse’s reaction
A frequent assumption that a spouse frequently makes is that as soon as they have apologized, their spouse or spouse should stop being angry or sad and give forgiveness to them.
And if this does not happen, the apologizing spouse stinks and says something along the lines of: “I’ve just apologized! What more to you need me to do?! Why can’t you just accept it and move on?!”
The thing is, you can ask your husband or wife for their forgiveness, but you can not FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their own decision.
Therefore don’t expect anything from your spouse at the moment.
Yes, you are making yourself vulnerable and yes, it may feel excruciating being fulfilled by the silence or angry words of your spouse. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I am sorry”.
Therefore avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, despite the fact that this may be your initial instinct — since it is only going to undo the good you have just done by apologizing.
And now is certainly not the time to begin pointing fingers and trying to get back at your partner for whatever they have done.
All you can do right now, as hard as it is, is give your spouse time to come to terms with your apology and also see for themselves that the adjustments in your behaviour. Forgiveness will come with time. Can You Get Your Husband Back After Divorce
5. Follow your apology up with positive actions
Saying sorry is important, but it is not sufficient on its own to cure your spouse’s harm and move forward. It’s the ACTIONS that follow that actually do most of the relationship repairing.
Apologies need to get backed up with positive changes in behavior, as otherwise your partner will lose faith in you and will become more hurt and betrayed consequently.
If you’ve betrayed your partner in some manner, the secret is to be ABSOLUTELY transparent with your partner in future — do not try to hide or cover up anything.
Keep the lines of communication open and be fair about what — where you are, what you are doing, that you’re with, what you are spending… EVERYTHING.
This may seem counter-intuitive, however, the truth is that your spouse is very likely to be feeling really vulnerable right now, and their trust in you has been shattered. So in order for their hope to be recovered, you need to leave literally zero doubts in their mind.
And keep in mind, one big gesture of flowers and chocolates after you have messed up is fine, but it is not going to have exactly the identical effect as constant small actions to improve your behaviour and show your spouse how much you appreciate them.
Even if your spouse does not accept your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to show how sorry you are through loving actions, you’ve got the hope of regaining their trust and love. Can You Get Your Husband Back After Divorce