Can You Get Your Husband Back After Divorce

Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say to your spouse — I’m certain you agree!

By saying this, you are admitting that you’ve messed up and have hurt among those people that you love the most. It’s never easy.

However, the thing is, we’re all human and we ALL make mistakes. And regrettably, sometimes we make mistakes that actually hurt our partners.

When this occurs, it is our job apologize and to take responsibility, EVEN when your mistake is so BIG you feel like there is almost “too much” to apologize for.

It is a fact that the deeper the hurt, the longer the healing process will take.

Continue below to find out what these steps are, and feel free to talk about experiences and your own thoughts in the conclusion. Can You Get Your Husband Back After Divorce

 

5 Step to Say “I’m Sorry” and Truly Mean It. Can You Get Your Husband Back After Divorce

 

1. Forgive yourself

You could be thinking something like: “How on earth could I ever forgive myself?” Or “How do an apology begin with ME?

But there are numerous reasons why it’s necessary to try to make peace with yourself after you’ve made a mistake.

To start with, dwelling on thoughts that are self-loathing and remorseful is going to use all of your emotional energy up.

This is NOT going to be helpful for you or your marriage, since it keeps the focus on the issue, rather than what you can do to FIX it. If you can accept the mistake you’ve made, you’ll be able to focus your energy on what you can do in order to make up for it.

Allow me to be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you are not clearing yourself of any blame… You openly admit that you’ve made a mistake.

But you are also acknowledging that the behavior you’ve done wrong does not mean you are a bad person as a whole and you’ve got the opportunity to be your best self from now on…

 

 

2. Apologize to your spouse and take full responsibility

In regards to saying sorry, the earlier the better. However, an apology has to be said with real sincerity and feeling to work.

So you need the time to calm down until you confer with your spouse, take this moment. An angry or sarcastic apology will only make the situation even more worse.

As hard as it can, look at your spouse’s eyes when you go to confer with them.

For instance; “I’m so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you had been looking forward to going out and just how disappointed and hurt you must’ve felt when I came home late”.

Lastly, never never NEVER say “I’m sorry” and follow this up with a “but” or an excuse.

For instance: “I’m so sorry I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I know how much you were looking forward to going out and how disappointed and hurt you must’ve felt when I arrived home late. BUT the reason why I forgot about dinner is because YOU didn’t remind me this afternoon. You know I’m busy with work and find it hard to keep track of what’s going on sometimes”.

This will make your apology meaningless, and even indicate that you are BLAMING your spouse — which is just going to push them farther away.

So take full responsibility for your actions… Do not try to reevaluate your error to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it will not work!) And concentrate only on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. Can You Get Your Husband Back After Divorce

 

3. Make promises for the future

Come up with a plan to make certain your mistake won’t be repeated in the future and convey this to your spouse. Make sure any promises you make can be followed up on.

For instance:

“I have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her out of my telephone, Facebook, Twitter, and also will let you know immediately if he/she tries to get in contact with me.

I am happy to give you open access to all of my accounts and my phone if that would be helpful to you|If this would be helpful to you, I’m happy to offer you access to every one my accounts and my phone. I promise to keep in regular communication with you and from now on I will always be at home when I say I will.

I truly want to make this work and will do whatever is needed. I will clear my schedule outside of work so I can spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you’re comfortable with right now.” Can You Get Your Husband Back After Divorce

 

4. Accept your spouse’s reaction

A frequent assumption that a spouse frequently makes is that as soon as they have apologized, their spouse or spouse should stop being angry or sad and give forgiveness to them.

And if this does not happen, the apologizing spouse stinks and says something along the lines of: “I’ve just apologized! What more to you need me to do?! Why can’t you just accept it and move on?!”

The thing is, you can ask your husband or wife for their forgiveness, but you can not FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their own decision.

Therefore don’t expect anything from your spouse at the moment.

Yes, you are making yourself vulnerable and yes, it may feel excruciating being fulfilled by the silence or angry words of your spouse. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I am sorry”.

Therefore avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, despite the fact that this may be your initial instinct — since it is only going to undo the good you have just done by apologizing.

And now is certainly not the time to begin pointing fingers and trying to get back at your partner for whatever they have done.

All you can do right now, as hard as it is, is give your spouse time to come to terms with your apology and also see for themselves that the adjustments in your behaviour. Forgiveness will come with time. Can You Get Your Husband Back After Divorce

 

5. Follow your apology up with positive actions

Saying sorry is important, but it is not sufficient on its own to cure your spouse’s harm and move forward. It’s the ACTIONS that follow that actually do most of the relationship repairing.

Apologies need to get backed up with positive changes in behavior, as otherwise your partner will lose faith in you and will become more hurt and betrayed consequently.

If you’ve betrayed your partner in some manner, the secret is to be ABSOLUTELY transparent with your partner in future — do not try to hide or cover up anything.

Keep the lines of communication open and be fair about what — where you are, what you are doing, that you’re with, what you are spending… EVERYTHING.

This may seem counter-intuitive, however, the truth is that your spouse is very likely to be feeling really vulnerable right now, and their trust in you has been shattered. So in order for their hope to be recovered, you need to leave literally zero doubts in their mind.

And keep in mind, one big gesture of flowers and chocolates after you have messed up is fine, but it is not going to have exactly the identical effect as constant small actions to improve your behaviour and show your spouse how much you appreciate them.

Even if your spouse does not accept your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to show how sorry you are through loving actions, you’ve got the hope of regaining their trust and love. Can You Get Your Husband Back After Divorce

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Can You Get Your Husband Back After Divorce

Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say for your spouse — I’m certain you all agree!

By saying this, you are admitting that you’ve messed up and have hurt one of those people that you love the most. It is never easy.

But the thing is, we’re all human and we ALL make mistakes. And regrettably, sometimes we make mistakes which really hurt our spouses.

When this happens, it is our job apologize and to take responsibility, EVEN whenever your mistake is so BIG you really feel like there’s almost “too much” to apologize for.

It is true that the deeper the hurt, the longer the recovery process will require.

Continue below to find out what these steps are, and feel free to talk about experiences and your thoughts at the end. Can You Get Your Husband Back After Divorce

 

5 Step to Say “I’m Sorry” and Truly Mean It. Can You Get Your Husband Back After Divorce

 

1. Forgive yourself

You might be thinking something like: “How on earth could I ever forgive myself?” Or “How can an apology start with ME?

However there are several reasons why it’s imperative to attempt to make peace with yourself once you’ve made a mistake.

To start with, dwelling on self-loathing and remorseful thoughts will use up all of your emotional energy.

This isn’t going to be helpful for you or your marriage, since it keeps the focus on the PROBLEM, rather than what you can do to repair it. If you can accept the mistake you have made, you will have the ability to then focus your energy on what you can do to make up for it.

Let me be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you are not clearing yourself of any blame… You openly admit that you’ve made a mistake.

But you are also acknowledging that the behavior you have done wrong does not mean you are a terrible person as a whole and you have the opportunity to be your best self from now on…

 

 

2. Apologize to your spouse and accept full responsibility

In regards to stating sorry, the sooner the better. But, an apology has to be said with genuine sincerity and feeling to be effective.

So you need time before you confer with your partner, take this moment to calm down. An angry or sarcastic apology is only going to make the situation even more worse.

As difficult as it can, look at your spouse’s eyes when you go to confer with them.

For example; “I’m so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I know how much you were looking forward to going out and just how disappointed and hurt you have felt when I came home late”.

Last, never never NEVER say “I am sorry” and follow this up with a “but” or an excuse.

For instance: “I am so sorry I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you were looking forward to heading out and how frustrated and hurt you must’ve felt when I arrived home. BUT the reason I forgot about dinner is because YOU didn’t remind me this morning. You know I’m busy with work and find it difficult to keep track of what is happening occasionally”.

This is going to make your apology meaningless, and also imply that you’re BLAMING your spouse — that is just going to push them farther away.

So accept full responsibility for the actions… don’t try to downplay your mistake to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it won’t work!) And focus just on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. Can You Get Your Husband Back After Divorce

 

3. Make promises for the future

Come up with a plan to ensure your mistake will not be repeated in the future and communicate this to your partner. Make sure any promises you make can be followed upon.

For example:

“I have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her out of my telephone, Facebook, Twitter, and will inform you instantly if he/she tries to get in contact with me.

I am happy to give you access to all of my accounts and my telephone if this would be helpful to you|If that would be helpful to you, I’m happy to offer you open access. I promise to keep in communication with you and from today on I will always be at home when I say I will.

I really wish to make this work and will do whatever is needed. I can clear my schedule outside of work so I could spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you are comfortable with at this time.” Can You Get Your Husband Back After Divorce

 

4. Accept your spouse’s reaction

A frequent assumption that a partner frequently makes is that when they have apologized, wife or their husband should stop being sad or mad and give them forgiveness.

And if this doesn’t happen, the apologizing spouse explodes and says something along the lines of: “I’ve just apologized! What more to you need me to do?! Why can’t you just accept it and move on?!”

The thing is, you can ask your husband or wife for their forgiveness, but you can not FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their own choice.

So don’t expect anything from your partner right now.

Yes, you’re making yourself vulnerable and yes, it might feel excruciating being met by your spouse’s silence or angry words. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I am sorry”.

Therefore avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, despite the fact that this may be your initial instinct — as it will reverse the good you have done by apologizing.

And now is certainly not the time to begin pointing fingers and trying to get back at your spouse for anything they’ve done.

All you can do now, as hard as it will be, is give your spouse time to come to terms with your apology and see for themselves that the adjustments on your own behavior. Forgiveness will come with time. Can You Get Your Husband Back After Divorce

 

5. Follow your apology up with positive actions

Saying sorry is important, but it is not enough on its own to heal your spouse’s harm and move forward. It’s the ACTIONS that follow which actually do most of the relationship fixing.

Apologies have to be backed up with positive changes in behavior, as otherwise your spouse will lose faith in you and also will become more hurt and betrayed as a result.

If you’ve betrayed your partner in some manner, the secret is to be utterly transparent with your spouse in future — don’t attempt to hide or cover anything up.

Keep the lines of communication open and be honest about what — where you’re, what you’re doing, that you’re with, what you’re spending… EVERYTHING.

This might seem over-the-top, but the simple truth is that your spouse is likely to be feeling really vulnerable at the moment, and their hope in you has been ruined. So in order to their hope to be regained, you need to leave literally zero doubts in their own mind.

And keep in mind, one big gesture of flowers and chocolates once you’ve messed up is fine, but it’s not going to get the identical effect as continuous small steps to improve your behaviour and show your partner how much you value them.

Even if your partner doesn’t take your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to show how sorry you’re through loving actions, you have the best hope of regaining their love and trust. Can You Get Your Husband Back After Divorce

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