Can You Get Your Husband Back After An Affair
Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say to your spouse — I am sure you agree!
By saying so, you’re admitting that you have messed up and have hurt one of those people you love the most. It’s never easy.
But the thing is, we are all human and most of us make mistakes. And regrettably, sometimes we make mistakes which really hurt our spouses.
When this occurs, it’s our job apologize and to take responsibility for our actions, EVEN when your mistake is so BIG you feel like there’s nearly “too much” to apologize for.
It is true that the deeper the hurt, the longer the healing process will take.
Continue below to find out what these steps are, and feel free to talk about your thoughts and experiences in the conclusion. Can You Get Your Husband Back After An Affair
5 Step to Say “I’m Sorry” and Really Mean It. Can You Get Your Husband Back After An Affair
1. Forgive yourself
You might be thinking something like: “How in the world could I ever forgive myself?” Or “How can an apology start with ME?”
However there are several reasons why it’s imperative to try to make peace with yourself after you’ve made a mistake.
First of all, dwelling on remorseful and self-loathing thoughts is going to use up all of your emotional energy.
This is NOT going to be helpful for your marriage or you, since it keeps the focus on the issue, rather than what you can do to FIX it. If you can accept the mistake you have made, you’ll be able to then focus your energy on what you can do to compensate for it.
Let me be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you are not clearing yourself of any blame… You freely admit that you have made a mistake.
But you’re also acknowledging that the behaviour you have done wrong does not mean you are a terrible person as a whole and you’ve got the chance to be your best self from now on…
2. Apologize to your partner and take full responsibility
In regards to saying sorry, the sooner the better. But, an apology needs to be said with genuine sincerity and feeling to be effective.
So you need the time until you apologize to your partner, take this time to calm down. An angry or sarcastic apology is only going to make the situation even more worse.
As difficult as it can, look at your partner’s eyes when you go to confer with them.
For instance; “I’m so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you had been looking forward to going out and how disappointed and hurt you have felt when I came home late”.
Lastly, never never NEVER say “I am sorry” and follow it up with a “but” or an excuse.
For instance: “I’m so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I know how much you had been looking forward to heading out and how frustrated and hurt you must’ve felt when I arrived home late. BUT the reason I forgot about dinner is because YOU did not remind me this afternoon. You know I’m busy with work and find it hard to keep track of what is going on sometimes”.
This is going to make your apology meaningless, and also imply that you are BLAMING your partner — that is just going to push them farther away.
So accept full responsibility for the actions… Do not try to reevaluate your error to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it will not work!) And focus only on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. Can You Get Your Husband Back After An Affair
3. Make promises for the future
Come up with a strategy to ensure your mistake will not be repeated in the future and convey this to your spouse. Just make sure any promises you make can be followed up on.
“I have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her from my phone, Facebook, Twitter, and will let you know instantly if he/she tries to get in contact with me.
I’m happy to give you access to all my account and my phone if that would be helpful to you|If this would be helpful to you, I’m pleased to offer you open access to all my account and my phone. I promise to keep in communication with you about what I am doing and from now on I will always be at home when I say I will.
I truly want to make this work and will do anything it takes. I can clear my schedule outside of work so that I could spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you are comfortable with right now.” Can You Get Your Husband Back After An Affair
4. Accept your spouse’s reaction
A frequent assumption that a spouse frequently makes is that when they’ve apologized, their husband or wife should stop being sad or mad and give forgiveness to them.
And when this doesn’t happen, the apologizing spouse explodes and says something along the lines of: “I’ve just apologized! What more to you need me to do?! Why can’t you just accept it and move on?!”
The thing is, you can ask your husband or spouse for their forgiveness, but you can’t FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their decision.
Therefore don’t expect anything from your spouse right now.
Yes, you’re making yourself vulnerable and yes, it may feel excruciating being met by your spouse’s silence or angry words. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I am sorry”.
So avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, despite the fact that this might be your first instinct — since it is only going to reverse the good you have done by apologizing.
And now is certainly not the time to begin pointing fingers and trying to get back at your spouse for anything they’ve done.
All you can do right now, as hard as it can be, is give your spouse time to come to terms with your apology and see for themselves the changes on your behaviour. Forgiveness will come with time. Can You Get Your Husband Back After An Affair
5. Follow your apology up with positive actions
Saying sorry is important, but it is not enough on its own to cure your spouse’s harm and move. It’s the ACTIONS that follow that actually do the majority of the relationship repairing.
Apologies need to get backed up with positive changes in behaviour, as otherwise your partner will eliminate faith in you and will become more hurt and betrayed consequently.
If you have betrayed your partner in some manner, the key is to be utterly transparent with your spouse in future — do not try to hide or cover up anything.
Keep the lines of communication open and be fair about what — where you’re, what you are doing, who you’re with, what you are spending… EVERYTHING.
This might seem over-the-top, but the simple truth is that your spouse is likely to be feeling very vulnerable at the moment, and their hope in you has been shattered. So in order to their trust to be recovered, you need to leave literally zero doubts in their own mind.
And remember, one big gesture of flowers and chocolates once you have messed up is nice, but it is not going to have exactly the identical impact as continuous small steps to improve your behavior and reveal your partner how much you value them.
Even if your partner does not accept your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to demonstrate how sorry you are through loving actions, you’ve got the best hope of regaining their trust and love. Can You Get Your Husband Back After An Affair