When confronting a marriage crisis, this is one of the most common questions spouses ask: Can This Marriage Be Saved Leslie Vernick 

Can I save my marriage if my partner does not wish to help look for a solution…?

Just how do I succeed I am attempting to save my marriage by myself…?

It is a typical enough story: one partner leaves, the other stays. One remains “in love”, the other is uncertain. Whatever it is that’s caused a couple to become apart, the 1 person who remains bears the possibility, fear, doubt, desire, hope of saving her or his marriage’ ALONE.

Considering there are two different people causing the overall well being and health of a marriage, shouldn’t both of you be present to decide to try and rescue it? Or, worse, if it’s his, or her, their fault shouldn’t he, she, they’re the ones to make amends? You are only the victim here, after all!

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The Best Way You Can Save Your Relationship All on Your Own Can This Marriage Be Saved Leslie Vernick

The very first thing you must know is, if you find yourself alone in this need and if you would like to save your marriage, waiting for the other partner to make the first move would be the start of the ending.

Again, it’s likely to fail if you are seeking someone to blame or somebody else to set the physical and emotional work in to saving the marriage. Can This Marriage Be Saved Leslie Vernick

The belief that the responsibility lies with another individual is a self-defeating mindset. It propagates the impression that there is absolutely NOTHING you can do to save your marriage and you should stand and see what’s your way.

NOT true!

There’s still something that you are able to DO. Even in your solitude, and isolation, you CAN save your marriage.

How…?

Let’s begin first by analyzing what it means to be all on your own.

As human beings, we hate being lonely. It’s part of our genetic make up to be social creatures and develop connections with other people, whether through friendships or romantic interest. How we connect with other people of the way we interact with people and the nature is a fundamental part of development that is personal and emotional. Can This Marriage Be Saved Leslie Vernick

The paradox is that as we grow older in trust the love, companionship, and support of our significant others, we develop an internal strength of self that makes us whole, happy human beings. Ideally, the older person should have developed a sense of self-esteem, confidence and self-awareness as he or she reaches adulthood. These become the windows with which we view the world, flaws and all. These make up part of difficulties and our personal shelter amidst challenges. This is named SELF-ACTUALIZATION.

However, lots of us enter into adult life without being aware of this gorgeous, human truth. We could have experienced abandonment in our youth or been disappointed by our relationships.

whatever it is, it has caused to shift from proper adult development to fears of abandonment and the inability to find that we can stand on our own two feet.

Thus, lots people enter marriages and relationships with plan, the hope and dream that we’d never be lonely. We {invest so much in our partners and loved ones, focusing our entire beings on them and rely upon them to make us happy and protected. Unfortunately, this perspective carries with it its own poison.

Subconsciously, we project the duty of our life happiness on the person, eloquently sidestepping taking responsibility for our own life happiness and destiny.

Problems develop when a partner indicates some kind of dissatisfaction with the relationship or the expectations unwittingly placed upon them, and if they do so we fear. Our fears kick in, when our partner leaves. When something goes wrong with our marriages, it is very easy for us to place the blame of the person for having made us unhappy.Can This Marriage Be Saved Leslie Vernick

In order to save your marriage when you are the only one doing it, the key is a paradigm shift, meaning, the important thing is to change your mindset and focus. Stop focusing on your spouse – stop the blaming, halt the inaction.

Take a good look at yourself and what you can do in this moment. You can definitely NOT control your partner’s feelings, attitude and reactions, but you can control your own. You can always go from fearing abandonment to taking responsibility for yourself and your happiness.

This is where the human truth about self-actualization comes in. Understand, adapt and internalize this on your own. Learn it. It will spell the difference not only in your marriage but in YOU.

An entire human being is easy to love. A happy person brings joy. In starting with yourself, you can move from being an unhappy difficult person to one who can offer an environment of security, wisdom, trust and open communication.

If each of you are able to self-sustain when it comes to taking responsibility for your own life happiness, you both have less baggage and more real love to bring in the relationship. Your motivation shifts from being one of fear to being one of real love.

Instead of beat yourself up in Despair, try these tips to start your own personal transformation and lead your marriage to success:Can This Marriage Be Saved Leslie Vernick

  • Breathe…
  • Smile…
  • Let go…
  • Believe that reconnection is possible…
  • See a counselor for YOURSELF not just for your marriage
  • Examine your part in contributing to the difficulties in your marriage
  • Forgive yourself…
  • Change…
  • Look after your health, beauty, and well-being…

For all you know, your partner (and you) may just rediscover the person that they first fell in love with and more. For all you know, this is your type that would enable your partner initiate communication and to come back. When that occurs, you have every opportunity to sit down with them, discuss your motivations, plans and feelings. You may even get to the issues surrounding your marital difficulties and actually start taking positive measures to work them through. Can This Marriage Be Saved Leslie Vernick

In being open and mature, you can also provide an environment where love and intimacy can flourish once more. With sincerity and all the confidence you’ve gathered, take these measures. Plus one more. Even in your separation, conflict or problems, find it to keep showing him or her that you do and loving your spouse. Can This Marriage Be Saved Leslie Vernick

Through small acts, like preparing a snack for him or her or spending some quality TV time, you can rekindle love in your marriage. They don’t need to be gestures, they simply have to be sincere. And coming out of the adult, new you.

You may be making!

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