Can My Ex Husband And I Get Back Together
Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say for your spouse — I’m certain you all agree!
By saying this, you’re admitting that you have messed up and have hurt among those people you love the most. It is never simple.
But the thing is, we are all human and most of us make mistakes. And unfortunately, sometimes we make mistakes that actually hurt our partners.
When this occurs, it is our job apologize and to take responsibility, EVEN whenever your mistake is so BIG you feel like there is nearly “too much” to apologize for.
It’s true that the deeper the hurt, the longer the recovery process will require.
Continue below to learn what these steps are, and don’t hesitate to talk about experiences and your thoughts at the conclusion. Can My Ex Husband And I Get Back Together
5 Step to Say “I’m Sorry” and Really Mean It. Can My Ex Husband And I Get Back Together
1. Forgive yourself
You could be thinking something like: “How in the world could I ever forgive myself?” Or “How do an apology start with ME?”
But there are several reasons why it’s necessary to try to make peace with yourself once you have made a mistake.
To start with, dwelling on thoughts that are self-loathing and remorseful will use up all of your emotional energy.
This isn’t going to be helpful for you or your marriage, as it keeps the focus on the PROBLEM, rather than what you can do to FIX it. If you can accept the mistake you’ve made, you’ll be able to then focus your energy on what you could do to compensate for it.
Allow me to be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you’re not clearing yourself of any blame… You freely admit that you’ve made a mistake.
But you are also acknowledging that the behaviour you have done wrong does not mean you are a terrible person as a whole and you’ve got the chance to be your very best self from now on…
2. Apologize to your partner and accept full responsibility
In regards to saying sorry, the sooner the better. But, an apology needs to be said with genuine sincerity and feeling to be effective.
So you will need time to calm down before you apologize to your spouse, take this time. An angry or sarcastic apology will make the situation even more worse.
As difficult as it can, look at your partner’s eyes once you go to confer with them.
For instance; “I’m so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I know how much you were looking forward to going out and just how disappointed and hurt you must’ve felt when I came home late”.
Lastly, never never NEVER say “I’m sorry” and follow it up with a “but” or an excuse.
For example: “I’m so sorry I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you had been looking forward to heading out and how frustrated and hurt you must’ve felt when I arrived home late. However, the reason I forgot about dinner is because YOU didn’t remind me this afternoon. You know I’m busy with work and find it difficult to keep track of what is happening occasionally”.
This will make your apology meaningless, and even indicate that you’re BLAMING your partner — which is just going to push them farther away.
So take full responsibility for the actions… don’t attempt to reevaluate your error to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it won’t work!) And focus only on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. Can My Ex Husband And I Get Back Together
3. Make promises for the future
Come up with a strategy to ensure your mistake won’t be repeated in the future and convey this to your spouse. Make sure any promises you make can be followed upon.
“I have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her out of my telephone, Facebook, Twitter, and also will let you know instantly if he/she tries to get in contact with me.
I am pleased to give you open access to all my accounts and my telephone if that would be helpful to you|If this would be helpful to you, I’m pleased to give you access. I promise to keep in communication with you and from now on I will always be at home when I say I will.
I truly wish to make this work and will do anything it takes. I can clear my schedule out of work so I could spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you’re comfortable with right now.” Can My Ex Husband And I Get Back Together
4. Accept your spouse’s reaction
A common premise that a partner often makes is that as soon as they have apologized, their spouse or spouse should stop being angry or sad and give forgiveness to them.
And if this doesn’t happen, the apologizing spouse stinks and says something along the lines of: “I’ve just apologized! What more to you need me to do?! Why can not you just accept it and move on?!”
The thing is, you can ask your husband or spouse for their forgiveness, but you can’t FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their own decision.
So don’t expect anything from your spouse at the moment.
It’s true, you’re making yourself vulnerable and yes, it may feel excruciating being fulfilled by your spouse’s silence or angry words. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I’m sorry”.
So avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, despite the fact that this might be your first instinct — as it will undo the good you have just done by apologizing.
And now is certainly not the time to begin pointing fingers and trying to get back at your spouse for anything they’ve done.
All you can do now, as hard as it will be, is give your spouse time to come to terms with your own apology and also see for themselves the adjustments on your own behavior. Forgiveness will come with time. Can My Ex Husband And I Get Back Together
5. Follow your apology up with positive actions
Saying sorry is vital, but it isn’t sufficient on its own to cure your partner’s hurt and move forward. It is the ACTIONS that follow which actually do most of the relationship repairing.
Apologies have to get backed up with favorable changes in behaviour, as otherwise your spouse will lose faith in you and will end up more hurt and betrayed as a result.
If you’ve betrayed your spouse in some manner, the secret is to be ABSOLUTELY transparent with your spouse in future — don’t attempt to hide or cover up anything.
Keep the lines of communication open and be honest about what — where you are, what you’re doing, that you’re with, what you’re spending… EVERYTHING.
This may appear over-the-top, but the truth is that your partner is likely to be feeling very vulnerable right now, and their hope in you has been ruined. So in order to their hope to be regained, you have to leave literally no doubts in their mind.
And remember, one huge gesture of flowers and chocolates once you’ve messed up is fine, but it is not likely to get exactly the identical effect as constant small actions to improve your behavior and reveal your partner how much you value them.
Even if your partner doesn’t take your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to demonstrate how sorry you are through loving actions, you’ve got the hope of regaining their trust and love. Can My Ex Husband And I Get Back Together