Can I Get My Husband Back After Divorce
Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say for your partner — I am certain you all agree!
By saying so, you’re admitting that you’ve messed up and have hurt among the people that you love the most. It is never easy.
But the thing is, we’re all human and most of us make mistakes. And unfortunately, sometimes we make mistakes which really hurt our partners.
When this occurs, it is our job to take responsibility for our actions and apologize, EVEN whenever your mistake is so BIG you feel like there’s almost “too much” to apologize for.
It’s true that the deeper the hurt, the longer the recovery process will take.
Continue below to find out what these steps are, and don’t hesitate to share your own thoughts and experiences at the end. Can I Get My Husband Back After Divorce
5 Step to Say “I’m Sorry” and Truly Mean It. Can I Get My Husband Back After Divorce
1. Forgive yourself
You could be thinking something like: “How on earth could I ever forgive myself?” Or “How do an apology start with ME?”
But there are numerous reasons why it’s necessary to try to make peace with yourself after you have made a mistake.
To start with, dwelling on thoughts that are remorseful and self-loathing is going to use up all of your emotional energy.
This isn’t going to be useful for your marriage or you, as it keeps the focus on the PROBLEM, rather than what you can do to FIX it. If you can accept the mistake you have made, you will have the ability to then focus your energy on what you could do in order to compensate for it.
Allow me to be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you’re not clearing yourself of any blame… You freely admit that you’ve made a mistake.
However, you’re also acknowledging that the behaviour you’ve done wrong does not mean you are a terrible person as a whole and you’ve got the chance to be your best self from now on…
2. Apologize to your spouse and take full responsibility
When it comes to stating sorry, the sooner the better. However, an apology needs to be said with real sincerity and feeling to be effective.
So you need the time to calm down until you confer with your partner, take this moment. An angry or sarcastic apology will make the situation even more worse.
As difficult as it is, look at your partner’s eyes when you go to apologize to them.
For example; “I am so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you were looking forward to going out and just how disappointed and hurt you have felt when I came home late”.
Last, never never NEVER say “I am sorry” and follow it up with a “but” or an excuse.
For example: “I am so sorry I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I know how much you were looking forward to heading out and how disappointed and hurt you have to’ve felt when I came home. BUT the reason I forgot about dinner is because YOU didn’t remind me this afternoon. You know I am busy with work and find it difficult to keep track of what’s going on sometimes”.
This is going to make your apology meaningless, and also indicate that you are BLAMING your spouse — which is only going to push them farther away.
So accept full responsibility for your actions… Do not try to reevaluate your error to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it will not work!) And focus only on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. Can I Get My Husband Back After Divorce
3. Make promises for the future
Come up with a plan to ensure your mistake will not be repeated in the future and convey this to your spouse. Just make sure any promises you make can be followed up on.
“I have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her from my telephone, Facebook, Twitter, and also will let you know instantly if he/she tries to get in contact with me.
I’m happy to give you open access to all of my account and my telephone if that would be helpful to you|If this would be helpful to you, I am happy to offer you access to every one my accounts and my phone. I promise to keep in regular communication with you about what I am doing and from today on I will always be at home when I say I will.
I really wish to make this work and will do anything it takes. I will clear my schedule outside of work so I can spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you are comfortable with right now.” Can I Get My Husband Back After Divorce
4. Accept your spouse’s reaction
A common assumption that a partner frequently makes is that when they’ve apologized, their spouse or spouse should stop being sad or mad and give forgiveness to them.
And if this doesn’t happen, the apologizing spouse explodes and says something along the lines of: “I have just apologized! What more to you want me to do?! Why can’t you just accept it and move on?!”
The thing is, you can ask your husband or spouse for their forgiveness, but you can not FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their own choice.
So don’t expect anything from your spouse at the moment.
It’s true, you are making yourself vulnerable and yes, it may feel excruciating being met by your spouse’s silence or angry words. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I am sorry”.
Therefore avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, despite the fact that this may be your initial instinct — since it will reverse the good you have just accomplished by apologizing.
And now is definitely not the time to start pointing fingers and trying to get back at your spouse for whatever they have done.
All you can do right now, as hard as it is, is give your partner time to come to terms with your apology and also see for themselves the changes in your behavior. Forgiveness will come with time. Can I Get My Husband Back After Divorce
5. Follow your apology up with positive actions
Saying sorry is vital, but it is not sufficient on its own to cure your partner’s harm and move forward. It is the ACTIONS that follow that really do the majority of the relationship fixing.
Apologies need to get backed up with positive changes in behavior, as otherwise your spouse will lose faith in you and will end up more hurt and betrayed consequently.
If you have betrayed your partner in some way, the key is to be utterly transparent with your spouse in future — don’t try to hide or cover anything up.
Keep the lines of communication open and be honest about what — where you’re, what you’re doing, who you are with, what you are spending… EVERYTHING.
This might seem over-the-top, but the truth is that your partner is very likely to be feeling really vulnerable right now, and their hope in you has been shattered. So in order for their trust to be recovered, you have to leave literally no doubts in their mind.
And remember, one big gesture of flowers and chocolates after you have messed up is fine, but it is not likely to get the identical impact as constant small steps to improve your behavior and reveal your partner how much you value them.
Even if your spouse does not accept your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to demonstrate how sorry you’re through loving actions, you’ve got the best hope of regaining their trust and love. Can I Get My Husband Back After Divorce