Can I Get My Exhusband Back After Many Years
Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say to your spouse — I am certain you agree!
By saying this, you’re admitting that you have messed up and have hurt one of the people that you love the most. It is never easy.
But the thing is, we’re all human and we ALL make mistakes. And regrettably, sometimes we make mistakes which really hurt our partners.
When this happens, it’s our job to take responsibility and apologize, EVEN when your mistake is so BIG you really feel like there’s almost “too much” to apologize for.
It is true that the deeper the hurt, the longer the recovery process will require.
Continue below to find out what these steps are, and feel free to share your own thoughts and experiences in the conclusion. Can I Get My Exhusband Back After Many Years
5 Step to Say “I’m Sorry” and Really Mean It. Can I Get My Exhusband Back After Many Years
1. Forgive yourself
You might be thinking something like: “How in the world could I ever forgive myself?” Or “How can an apology begin with ME?”
However there are several reasons why it’s necessary to attempt to make peace with yourself once you’ve made a mistake.
To start with, dwelling on thoughts that are self-loathing and remorseful is going to use all of your emotional energy up.
This is NOT going to be helpful for your marriage or you, as it keeps the focus on the PROBLEM, rather than what you can do to repair it. If you can accept the mistake you have made, you will have the ability to focus your energy on what you can do to compensate for it.
Allow me to be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you’re not clearing yourself of any blame… You openly admit that you have made a mistake.
But you are also acknowledging that the behavior you have done wrong does not mean you’re a bad person as a whole and you’ve got the chance to be your best self from now on…
2. Apologize to your spouse and accept full responsibility
When it comes to saying sorry, the earlier the better. However, an apology has to be said with feeling and genuine sincerity to be effective.
So you need time to calm down until you confer with your spouse, take this moment. An sarcastic or angry apology is only going to make the situation even more worse.
As hard as it is, look into your spouse’s eyes once you go to apologize to them.
For example; “I’m so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you were looking forward to going out and just how disappointed and hurt you must’ve felt when I came home late”.
Lastly, never never NEVER say “I am sorry” and follow it up with a “but” or an excuse.
For instance: “I’m so sorry I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you had been looking forward to heading out and how disappointed and hurt you have to’ve felt when I arrived home late. BUT the reason I forgot about dinner is because YOU did not remind me this afternoon. You know I’m busy with work and find it hard to keep track of what’s going on occasionally”.
This will make your apology meaningless, and also imply that you are BLAMING your partner — which is only going to push them further away.
So accept full responsibility for the actions… Do not try to downplay your mistake to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it will not work!) And focus only on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. Can I Get My Exhusband Back After Many Years
3. Make promises for the future
Come up with a strategy to make certain your mistake won’t be repeated in the future and convey this to your partner. Make sure any promises you make can be followed up on.
“I will have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her from my telephone, Facebook, Twitter, and will inform you instantly if he/she tries to get in touch with me.
I am pleased to give you open access to all of my accounts and my telephone if this would be helpful to you|If that would be helpful to you, I am pleased to offer you open access. I promise to keep in communication with you about what I am doing and from now on I will always be at home when I say I will.
I really want to make this work and will do anything is needed. I will clear my schedule out of work so that I could spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you’re comfortable with right now.” Can I Get My Exhusband Back After Many Years
4. Accept your spouse’s reaction
A frequent assumption that a spouse frequently makes is that when they have apologized, their spouse or spouse should stop being sad or mad and give forgiveness to them.
And if this does not happen, the apologizing spouse explodes and says something along the lines of: “I’ve just apologized! What more to you need me to do?! Why can’t you just accept it and move on?!”
The thing is, you can ask your husband or wife for their forgiveness, but you can’t FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their decision.
Therefore don’t expect anything from your partner at the moment.
It’s true, you’re making yourself vulnerable and yes, it may feel excruciating being fulfilled angry words or by your spouse’s silence. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I am sorry”.
So avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, despite the fact that this may be your first instinct — since it will undo the good you have just done by apologizing.
And now is definitely not the time to start pointing fingers and trying to get back at your spouse for whatever they have done.
All you can do now, as hard as it will be, is give your spouse time to come to terms with your apology and see for themselves the changes in your behaviour. Forgiveness will come with time. Can I Get My Exhusband Back After Many Years
5. Follow your apology up with positive actions
Saying sorry is important, but it isn’t sufficient on its own to heal your spouse’s hurt and move forward. It is the ACTIONS that follow which actually do most of the relationship fixing.
Apologies have to get backed up with favorable changes in behaviour, as otherwise your spouse will lose faith in you and will become more hurt and betrayed as a result.
If you’ve betrayed your spouse in some manner, the biggest secret is to be utterly transparent with your partner in future — do not try to hide or cover anything up.
Keep the lines of communication open and be fair about what — where you’re, what you’re doing, who you’re with, what you are spending… EVERYTHING.
This may seem counter-intuitive, however, the truth is that your spouse is likely to be feeling very vulnerable right now, and their trust in you has been shattered. So in order to their hope to be regained, you have to leave literally zero doubts in their mind.
And keep in mind, one huge gesture of flowers and chocolates after you’ve messed up is fine, but it is not going to have exactly the same impact as constant small steps to improve your behavior and reveal your spouse how much you appreciate them.
Even if your spouse does not accept your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to show how sorry you are through loving actions, you have the hope of regaining their love and trust. Can I Get My Exhusband Back After Many Years