Can I Get Back With My Ex Husband

Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say for your partner — I’m sure you agree!

By saying so, you are admitting that you’ve messed up and have hurt among the people that you love the most. It’s never easy.

However, the thing is, we are all human and most of us make mistakes. And unfortunately, sometimes we make mistakes which really hurt our spouses.

When this happens, it is our job apologize and to take responsibility, EVEN when your mistake is so BIG you really feel like there is almost “too much” to apologize for.

It is true that the deeper the hurt, the longer the healing process will require.

Continue below to learn what these steps are, and don’t hesitate to talk about your thoughts and experiences at the conclusion. Can I Get Back With My Ex Husband

 

5 Step to Say “I Am Sorry” and Truly Mean It. Can I Get Back With My Ex Husband

 

1. Forgive yourself

You could be thinking something like: “How in the world could I ever forgive myself?” Or “How do an apology begin with ME?

But there are numerous reasons why it is necessary to attempt to make peace with yourself after you’ve made a mistake.

To start with, dwelling on thoughts that are remorseful and self-loathing is going to use up all of your emotional energy.

This is NOT going to be helpful for you or your marriage, as it keeps the focus on the PROBLEM, rather than what you can do to FIX it. If you can accept the mistake you have made, you’ll have the ability to then focus your energy on what you can do in order to make up for it.

Let me be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you are not clearing yourself of any blame… You openly admit that you have made a mistake.

However, you’re also acknowledging that the behavior you have done wrong does not mean you are a terrible person as a whole and you have the chance to be your best self from now on…

 

 

2. Apologize to your spouse and accept full responsibility

When it comes to stating sorry, the sooner the better. However, an apology needs to be said with feeling and real sincerity to work.

So you will need the time before you apologize to your partner, take this moment to calm down. An sarcastic or angry apology will only make the situation even more worse.

As hard as it is, look into your partner’s eyes when you go to apologize to them.

For instance; “I am so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I know how much you were looking forward to going out and how disappointed and hurt you have felt when I came home late”.

Last, never never NEVER say “I am sorry” and follow this up with a “but” or an excuse.

For example: “I’m so sorry I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I know how much you had been looking forward to heading out and how frustrated and hurt you must’ve felt when I came home late. BUT the reason why I forgot about dinner is because YOU didn’t remind me this afternoon. You know I’m busy with work and find it hard to keep track of what’s happening sometimes”.

This is going to make your apology meaningless, and also indicate that you’re BLAMING your spouse — which is only going to push them farther away.

So accept full responsibility for your actions… don’t try to reevaluate your error to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it will not work!) And concentrate only on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. Can I Get Back With My Ex Husband

 

3. Make promises for the future

Come up with a strategy to ensure your mistake won’t be repeated in the future and communicate this to your spouse. Make sure any promises you make can be followed upon.

For example:

“I have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her from my telephone, Facebook, Twitter, and will inform you immediately if he/she ever tries to get in contact with me.

I am pleased to give you open access to all of my accounts and my phone if this would be helpful to you|If this would be helpful to you, I am happy to offer you access to all my account and my telephone. I promise to keep in regular communication with you and from today on I will always be at home when I say I will.

I really wish to make this work and will do anything is needed. I can clear my schedule out of work so I could spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you are comfortable with at this time.” Can I Get Back With My Ex Husband

 

4. Accept your spouse’s reaction

A common premise that a spouse frequently makes is that as soon as they’ve apologized, their spouse or spouse should stop being mad or sad and give them forgiveness.

And if this does not happen, the apologizing spouse explodes and says something along the lines of: “I’ve just apologized! What more to you want me to do?! Why can’t you just accept it and move on?!”

The thing is, you can ask your husband or wife for their forgiveness, but you can not FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their own decision.

Therefore don’t expect anything from your partner at the moment.

It’s true, you are making yourself vulnerable and yes, it might feel excruciating being fulfilled by your spouse’s silence or angry words. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I am sorry”.

Therefore avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, despite the fact that this might be your initial instinct — as it will undo the good you have just done by apologizing.

And now is certainly not the time to begin pointing fingers and trying to get back at your spouse for whatever they’ve done.

All you can do right now, as hard as it is, is give your spouse time to come to terms with your own apology and also see for themselves that the adjustments in your own behavior. Forgiveness will come with time. Can I Get Back With My Ex Husband

 

5. Follow your apology up with positive actions

Saying sorry is vital, but it is not enough on its own to cure your partner’s harm and move forward. It’s the ACTIONS that follow which really do the majority of the relationship fixing.

Apologies need to get backed up with favorable changes in behaviour, as otherwise your partner will eliminate faith in you and will become more hurt and betrayed as a result.

If you have betrayed your partner in some manner, the key is to be utterly transparent with your partner in future — don’t try to hide or cover anything up.

Keep the lines of communication open and be fair about what — where you’re, what you’re doing, who you’re with, what you’re spending… EVERYTHING.

This may seem over-the-top, but the truth is that your partner is very likely to be feeling very vulnerable at the moment, and their trust in you has been ruined. So in order to their trust to be regained, you have to leave literally zero doubts in their mind.

And remember, one big gesture of chocolates and flowers after you’ve messed up is fine, but it’s not going to get the same effect as constant small actions to improve your behaviour and reveal your partner how much you appreciate them.

Even if your partner does not take your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to demonstrate how sorry you’re through loving actions, you have the best hope of regaining their trust and love. Can I Get Back With My Ex Husband

Cheatproof-your-relationship

Sharing is caring!

Can I Get Back With My Ex Husband

Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say to your partner — I’m sure you all agree!

By saying so, you are admitting that you have messed up and have hurt among those people you love the most. It is never simple.

However, the thing is, we’re all human and most of us make mistakes. And unfortunately, sometimes we make mistakes which really hurt our spouses.

When this occurs, it is our job apologize and to take responsibility for our actions, EVEN when your mistake is so BIG you feel like there’s almost “too much” to apologize for.

It’s true that the deeper the hurt, the longer the healing process will take.

Continue below to learn what these steps are, and feel free to share experiences and your own thoughts at the conclusion. Can I Get Back With My Ex Husband

 

5 Step to Say “I Am Sorry” and Really Mean It. Can I Get Back With My Ex Husband

 

1. Forgive yourself

You could be thinking something like: “How in the world can I ever forgive myself?” Or “How do an apology begin with ME?

However there are several reasons why it’s imperative to try to make peace with yourself once you’ve made a mistake.

First of all, dwelling on thoughts that are self-loathing and remorseful is going to use up all of your emotional energy.

This is NOT going to be helpful for you or your marriage, since it keeps the focus on the issue, rather than what you can do to FIX it. If you can accept the mistake you’ve made, you’ll be able to then focus your energy on what you could do to make up for it.

Allow me to be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you are not clearing yourself of any blame… You openly admit that you’ve made a mistake.

However, you are also acknowledging that the behaviour you’ve done wrong does not mean you’re a bad person as a whole and you’ve got the opportunity to be your best self from now on…

 

 

2. Apologize to your spouse and accept full responsibility

When it comes to saying sorry, the sooner the better. But, an apology has to be said with genuine sincerity and feeling to work.

So you will need the time until you apologize to your spouse, take this moment to calm down. An angry or sarcastic apology is only going to make the situation even more worse.

As hard as it can, look at your partner’s eyes when you go to apologize to them.

For example; “I’m so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you had been looking forward to going out and just how disappointed and hurt you must’ve felt when I came home late”.

Lastly, never never NEVER say “I’m sorry” and follow it up with a “but” or an excuse.

For example: “I am so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I know how much you had been looking forward to heading out and how disappointed and hurt you have to’ve felt when I arrived home late. BUT the reason I forgot about dinner is because YOU didn’t remind me this morning. You know I’m busy with work and find it hard to keep track of what is going on occasionally”.

This will make your apology meaningless, and also imply that you are BLAMING your spouse — that is just going to push them farther away.

So accept full responsibility for the actions… Do not attempt to reevaluate your error to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it won’t work!) And concentrate just on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. Can I Get Back With My Ex Husband

 

3. Make promises for the future

Come up with a strategy to make certain your mistake won’t be repeated in the future and communicate this to your spouse. Just make sure any promises you make could be followed upon.

For instance:

“I have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her from my phone, Facebook, Twitter, and will inform you instantly if he/she tries to get in contact with me.

I’m happy to give you access to all of my accounts and my telephone if that would be helpful to you|If that would be helpful to you, I am pleased to offer you open access. I promise to keep in communication with you about what I am doing and from now on I will always be at home when I say I will.

I truly want to make this work and will do anything is needed. I will clear my schedule out of work so that I could spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you’re comfortable with at this time.” Can I Get Back With My Ex Husband

 

4. Accept your spouse’s reaction

A common assumption that a partner frequently makes is that when they have apologized, wife or their husband should stop being angry or sad and give forgiveness to them.

And when this doesn’t happen, the apologizing spouse explodes and says something along the lines of: “I’ve just apologized! What more to you need me to do?! Why can not you just accept it and move on?!”

The thing is, you can ask your husband or spouse for their forgiveness, but you can not FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their own choice.

Therefore don’t expect anything from your spouse right now.

It’s true, you’re making yourself vulnerable and yes, it might feel excruciating being met by the silence or angry words of your spouse. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I am sorry”.

So avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, despite the fact that this may be your first instinct — since it will only reverse the good you have just done by apologizing.

And now is certainly not the time to start pointing fingers and trying to get back at your spouse for whatever they have done.

All you can do now, as hard as it can be, is give your partner time to come to terms with your apology and also see for themselves that the changes on your own behavior. Forgiveness will come with time. Can I Get Back With My Ex Husband

 

5. Follow your apology up with positive actions

Saying sorry is important, but it isn’t enough on its own to heal your spouse’s hurt and move. It’s the ACTIONS that follow that really do the majority of the relationship fixing.

Apologies have to get backed up with favorable changes in behavior, as otherwise your partner will eliminate faith in you and will end up more hurt and betrayed as a result.

If you have betrayed your spouse in some manner, the key is to be utterly transparent with your spouse in future — don’t try to hide or cover up anything.

Keep the lines of communication open and be honest about what — where you are, what you’re doing, that you’re with, what you’re spending… EVERYTHING.

This might appear counter-intuitive, however, the truth is that your partner is likely to be feeling really vulnerable at the moment, and their hope in you has been shattered. So in order for their trust to be recovered, you have to leave literally no doubts in their mind.

And keep in mind, one huge gesture of flowers and chocolates once you’ve messed up is fine, but it is not going to get exactly the same impact as continuous small steps to improve your behavior and show your spouse how much you value them.

Even if your spouse does not accept your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to show how sorry you are through loving actions, you’ve got the hope of regaining their love and trust. Can I Get Back With My Ex Husband

Cheatproof-your-relationship

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