Can I Get Back With My Ex Husband
Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say for your partner — I’m sure you agree!
By saying so, you are admitting that you’ve messed up and have hurt among the people that you love the most. It’s never easy.
However, the thing is, we are all human and most of us make mistakes. And unfortunately, sometimes we make mistakes which really hurt our spouses.
When this happens, it is our job apologize and to take responsibility, EVEN when your mistake is so BIG you really feel like there is almost “too much” to apologize for.
It is true that the deeper the hurt, the longer the healing process will require.
Continue below to learn what these steps are, and don’t hesitate to talk about your thoughts and experiences at the conclusion. Can I Get Back With My Ex Husband
5 Step to Say “I Am Sorry” and Truly Mean It. Can I Get Back With My Ex Husband
1. Forgive yourself
You could be thinking something like: “How in the world could I ever forgive myself?” Or “How do an apology begin with ME?”
But there are numerous reasons why it is necessary to attempt to make peace with yourself after you’ve made a mistake.
To start with, dwelling on thoughts that are remorseful and self-loathing is going to use up all of your emotional energy.
This is NOT going to be helpful for you or your marriage, as it keeps the focus on the PROBLEM, rather than what you can do to FIX it. If you can accept the mistake you have made, you’ll have the ability to then focus your energy on what you can do in order to make up for it.
Let me be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you are not clearing yourself of any blame… You openly admit that you have made a mistake.
However, you’re also acknowledging that the behavior you have done wrong does not mean you are a terrible person as a whole and you have the chance to be your best self from now on…
2. Apologize to your spouse and accept full responsibility
When it comes to stating sorry, the sooner the better. However, an apology needs to be said with feeling and real sincerity to work.
So you will need the time before you apologize to your partner, take this moment to calm down. An sarcastic or angry apology will only make the situation even more worse.
As hard as it is, look into your partner’s eyes when you go to apologize to them.
For instance; “I am so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I know how much you were looking forward to going out and how disappointed and hurt you have felt when I came home late”.
Last, never never NEVER say “I am sorry” and follow this up with a “but” or an excuse.
For example: “I’m so sorry I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I know how much you had been looking forward to heading out and how frustrated and hurt you must’ve felt when I came home late. BUT the reason why I forgot about dinner is because YOU didn’t remind me this afternoon. You know I’m busy with work and find it hard to keep track of what’s happening sometimes”.
This is going to make your apology meaningless, and also indicate that you’re BLAMING your spouse — which is only going to push them farther away.
So accept full responsibility for your actions… don’t try to reevaluate your error to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it will not work!) And concentrate only on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. Can I Get Back With My Ex Husband
3. Make promises for the future
Come up with a strategy to ensure your mistake won’t be repeated in the future and communicate this to your spouse. Make sure any promises you make can be followed upon.
“I have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her from my telephone, Facebook, Twitter, and will inform you immediately if he/she ever tries to get in contact with me.
I am pleased to give you open access to all of my accounts and my phone if this would be helpful to you|If this would be helpful to you, I am happy to offer you access to all my account and my telephone. I promise to keep in regular communication with you and from today on I will always be at home when I say I will.
I really wish to make this work and will do anything is needed. I can clear my schedule out of work so I could spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you are comfortable with at this time.” Can I Get Back With My Ex Husband
4. Accept your spouse’s reaction
A common premise that a spouse frequently makes is that as soon as they’ve apologized, their spouse or spouse should stop being mad or sad and give them forgiveness.
And if this does not happen, the apologizing spouse explodes and says something along the lines of: “I’ve just apologized! What more to you want me to do?! Why can’t you just accept it and move on?!”
The thing is, you can ask your husband or wife for their forgiveness, but you can not FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their own decision.
Therefore don’t expect anything from your partner at the moment.
It’s true, you are making yourself vulnerable and yes, it might feel excruciating being fulfilled by your spouse’s silence or angry words. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I am sorry”.
Therefore avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, despite the fact that this might be your initial instinct — as it will undo the good you have just done by apologizing.
And now is certainly not the time to begin pointing fingers and trying to get back at your spouse for whatever they’ve done.
All you can do right now, as hard as it is, is give your spouse time to come to terms with your own apology and also see for themselves that the adjustments in your own behavior. Forgiveness will come with time. Can I Get Back With My Ex Husband
5. Follow your apology up with positive actions
Saying sorry is vital, but it is not enough on its own to cure your partner’s harm and move forward. It’s the ACTIONS that follow which really do the majority of the relationship fixing.
Apologies need to get backed up with favorable changes in behaviour, as otherwise your partner will eliminate faith in you and will become more hurt and betrayed as a result.
If you have betrayed your partner in some manner, the key is to be utterly transparent with your partner in future — don’t try to hide or cover anything up.
Keep the lines of communication open and be fair about what — where you’re, what you’re doing, who you’re with, what you’re spending… EVERYTHING.
This may seem over-the-top, but the truth is that your partner is very likely to be feeling very vulnerable at the moment, and their trust in you has been ruined. So in order to their trust to be regained, you have to leave literally zero doubts in their mind.
And remember, one big gesture of chocolates and flowers after you’ve messed up is fine, but it’s not going to get the same effect as constant small actions to improve your behaviour and reveal your partner how much you appreciate them.
Even if your partner does not take your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to demonstrate how sorry you’re through loving actions, you have the best hope of regaining their trust and love. Can I Get Back With My Ex Husband