Before My Husband Gets Back

Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say to your spouse — I’m sure you agree!

By saying so, you are admitting that you’ve messed up and have hurt one of those people you love the most. It is never easy.

But the thing is, we are all human and most of us make mistakes. And regrettably, sometimes we make mistakes which actually hurt our partners.

When this happens, it is our job to take responsibility and apologize, EVEN whenever your mistake is so BIG you feel like there is almost “too much” to apologize for.

It’s a fact that the deeper the hurt, the longer the healing process will require.

Continue below to find out what these steps are, and don’t hesitate to share experiences and your thoughts in the conclusion. Before My Husband Gets Back

 

5 Step to Say “I’m Sorry” and Really Mean It. Before My Husband Gets Back

 

1. Forgive yourself

You could be thinking something like: “How on earth could I ever forgive myself?” Or “How do an apology start with ME?

But there are numerous reasons why it’s necessary to try to make peace with yourself after you’ve made a mistake.

First of all, dwelling on thoughts that are remorseful and self-loathing is going to use all of your emotional energy up.

This is NOT going to be helpful for your marriage or you, as it keeps the focus on the PROBLEM, rather than what you can do to repair it. If you can accept the mistake you’ve made, you’ll have the ability to focus your energy on what you could do in order to make up for it.

Allow me to be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you’re not clearing yourself of any blame… You openly admit that you’ve made a mistake.

But you’re also acknowledging that the behavior you have done wrong does not mean you’re a bad person as a whole and you’ve got the opportunity to be your best self from now on…

 

 

2. Apologize to your spouse and accept full responsibility

In regards to stating sorry, the earlier the better. But, an apology needs to be said with feeling and genuine sincerity to be effective.

So you need time before you confer with your spouse, take this moment to calm down. An sarcastic or angry apology will make the situation even more worse.

As difficult as it is, look into your spouse’s eyes once you go to apologize to them.

For example; “I’m so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you were looking forward to going out and how disappointed and hurt you must’ve felt when I came home late”.

Lastly, never never NEVER say “I’m sorry” and follow it up with a “but” or an excuse.

For example: “I’m so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I know how much you were looking forward to heading out and how frustrated and hurt you must’ve felt when I came home. However, the reason why I forgot about dinner is because YOU didn’t remind me this morning. You know I’m busy with work and find it difficult to keep track of what is happening sometimes”.

This is going to make your apology meaningless, and also imply that you’re BLAMING your spouse — that is only going to push them further away.

So take full responsibility for the actions… don’t attempt to reevaluate your error to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it won’t work!) And concentrate only on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. Before My Husband Gets Back

 

3. Make promises for the future

Come up with a strategy to make certain your mistake won’t be repeated in the future and communicate this to your spouse. Just make sure any promises you make can be followed upon.

For example:

“I will have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her from my telephone, Facebook, Twitter, and will inform you instantly if he/she tries to get in touch with me.

I’m pleased to give you access to all my account and my phone if that would be helpful to you|If this would be helpful to you, I’m pleased to offer you open access. I promise to keep in regular communication with you and from now on I will always be at home when I say I will.

I really want to make this work and will do anything it takes. I will clear my schedule out of work so that I could spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you’re comfortable with right now.” Before My Husband Gets Back

 

4. Accept your spouse’s reaction

A common premise that a partner frequently makes is that as soon as they have apologized, wife or their husband should stop being sad or angry and give them forgiveness.

And if this doesn’t happen, the apologizing spouse stinks and says something along the lines of: “I’ve just apologized! What more to you want me to do?! Why can’t you just accept it and move on?!”

The thing is, you can ask your husband or wife for their forgiveness, but you can not FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their choice.

So don’t expect anything from your partner right now.

Yes, you’re making yourself vulnerable and yes, it might feel excruciating being fulfilled by the silence or angry words of your spouse. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I am sorry”.

Therefore avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, despite the fact that this may be your first instinct — since it is only going to reverse the good you have done by apologizing.

And now is definitely not the time to begin pointing fingers and trying to get back at your spouse for whatever they’ve done.

All you can do now, as hard as it can be, is give your spouse time to come to terms with your apology and also see for themselves that the adjustments on your behaviour. Forgiveness will come with time. Before My Husband Gets Back

 

5. Follow your apology up with positive actions

Saying sorry is vital, but it is not enough on its own to cure your spouse’s harm and move forward. It’s the ACTIONS that follow that actually do most of the relationship repairing.

Apologies have to be backed up with positive changes in behavior, as otherwise your spouse will eliminate faith in you and also will become more hurt and betrayed consequently.

If you’ve betrayed your spouse in some way, the key is to be ABSOLUTELY transparent with your partner in future — do not try to hide or cover up anything.

Keep the lines of communication open and be fair about everything — where you’re, what you’re doing, who you are with, what you’re spending… EVERYTHING.

This may appear over-the-top, but the simple truth is that your spouse is likely to be feeling really vulnerable at the moment, and their trust in you has been shattered. So in order to their trust to be recovered, you have to leave literally zero doubts in their mind.

And keep in mind, one big gesture of flowers and chocolates once you have messed up is fine, but it’s not likely to have the identical effect as continuous small actions to improve your behavior and show your partner how much you value them.

Even if your spouse doesn’t accept your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to show how sorry you’re through loving actions, you have the hope of regaining their love and trust. Before My Husband Gets Back

Cheatproof-your-relationship

Sharing is caring!

Before My Husband Gets Back

Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say for your spouse — I’m sure you all agree!

By saying so, you’re admitting that you’ve messed up and have hurt one of the people you love the most. It’s never easy.

But the thing is, we are all human and we make mistakes. And regrettably, sometimes we make mistakes that actually hurt our partners.

When this happens, it’s our job apologize and to take responsibility for our actions, EVEN whenever your mistake is so BIG you feel like there is almost “too much” to apologize for.

It’s a fact that the deeper the hurt, the longer the healing process will require.

Continue below to learn what these steps are, and don’t hesitate to share your thoughts and experiences in the conclusion. Before My Husband Gets Back

 

5 Step to Say “I Am Sorry” and Truly Mean It. Before My Husband Gets Back

 

1. Forgive yourself

You might be thinking something like: “How in the world can I ever forgive myself?” Or “How do an apology start with ME?

However there are numerous reasons why it is imperative to attempt to make peace with yourself after you’ve made a mistake.

First of all, dwelling on thoughts that are self-loathing and remorseful is going to use up all of your emotional energy.

This is NOT going to be helpful for you or your marriage, since it keeps the focus on the PROBLEM, rather than what you can do to repair it. If you can accept the mistake you have made, you’ll be able to then focus your energy on what you could do in order to compensate for it.

Let me be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you’re not clearing yourself of any blame… You freely admit that you’ve made a mistake.

But you’re also acknowledging that the behaviour you’ve done wrong does not mean you are a bad person as a whole and you’ve got the chance to be your best self from now on…

 

 

2. Apologize to your partner and accept full responsibility

In regards to stating sorry, the earlier the better. However, an apology has to be said with feeling and real sincerity to be effective.

So you need the time until you apologize to your partner, take this moment to calm down. An angry or sarcastic apology is only going to make the situation even more worse.

As hard as it is, look into your partner’s eyes when you go to confer with them.

For example; “I’m so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I know how much you were looking forward to going out and how disappointed and hurt you must’ve felt when I came home late”.

Last, never never NEVER say “I am sorry” and follow this up with a “but” or an excuse.

For example: “I am so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you were looking forward to going out and how disappointed and hurt you must’ve felt when I came home. However, the reason I forgot about dinner is because YOU did not remind me this afternoon. You know I’m busy with work and find it hard to keep track of what’s going on occasionally”.

This will make your apology meaningless, and also imply that you are BLAMING your partner — that is just going to push them farther away.

So accept full responsibility for your actions… Do not attempt to downplay your mistake to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it won’t work!) And focus just on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. Before My Husband Gets Back

 

3. Make promises for the future

Come up with a plan to ensure your mistake will not be repeated in the future and communicate this to your partner. Make sure any promises you make could be followed up on.

For example:

“I will have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her from my phone, Facebook, Twitter, and also will let you know instantly if he/she ever tries to get in touch with me.

I am pleased to give you access to all my accounts and my phone if that would be helpful to you|If that would be helpful to you, I’m pleased to give you open access to all my account and my telephone. I promise to keep in regular communication with you and from today on I will always be at home when I say I will.

I truly wish to make this work and will do whatever is needed. I will clear my schedule outside of work so that I could spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you are comfortable with right now.” Before My Husband Gets Back

 

4. Accept your spouse’s reaction

A frequent premise that a partner frequently makes is that as soon as they have apologized, wife or their husband should stop being sad or mad and give them forgiveness.

And if this doesn’t happen, the apologizing spouse explodes and says something along the lines of: “I’ve just apologized! What more to you want me to do?! Why can’t you just accept it and move on?!”

The thing is, you can ask your husband or wife for their forgiveness, but you can not FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their decision.

So don’t expect anything from your spouse at the moment.

It’s true, you’re making yourself vulnerable and yes, it may feel excruciating being fulfilled angry words or by your partner’s silence. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I am sorry”.

So avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, even though this might be your initial instinct — as it will undo the good you have just accomplished by apologizing.

And now is certainly not the time to begin pointing fingers and trying to get back in your spouse for whatever they have done.

All you can do now, as hard as it is, is give your spouse time to come to terms with your own apology and see for themselves that the adjustments on your behavior. Forgiveness will come with time. Before My Husband Gets Back

 

5. Follow your apology up with positive actions

Saying sorry is important, but it isn’t sufficient on its own to heal your partner’s hurt and move. It’s the ACTIONS that follow that really do the majority of the relationship repairing.

Apologies have to be backed up with favorable changes in behavior, as otherwise your spouse will eliminate faith in you and also will become more hurt and betrayed as a result.

If you have betrayed your spouse in some way, the key is to be ABSOLUTELY transparent with your spouse in future — don’t attempt to hide or cover up anything.

Keep the lines of communication open and be honest about everything — where you are, what you’re doing, who you are with, what you are spending… EVERYTHING.

This might appear over-the-top, but the truth is that your partner is likely to be feeling very vulnerable at the moment, and their hope in you has been ruined. So in order to their trust to be recovered, you have to leave literally zero doubts in their own mind.

And remember, one big gesture of flowers and chocolates once you’ve messed up is fine, but it’s not going to get exactly the identical effect as continuous small steps to improve your behaviour and reveal your partner how much you value them.

Even if your partner doesn’t accept your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to demonstrate how sorry you are through loving actions, you’ve got the hope of regaining their love and trust. Before My Husband Gets Back

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