Before My Husband Gets Back
Sorry can be the HARDEST thing to say to your spouse — I’m sure you agree!
By saying so, you are admitting that you’ve messed up and have hurt one of those people you love the most. It is never easy.
But the thing is, we are all human and most of us make mistakes. And regrettably, sometimes we make mistakes which actually hurt our partners.
When this happens, it is our job to take responsibility and apologize, EVEN whenever your mistake is so BIG you feel like there is almost “too much” to apologize for.
It’s a fact that the deeper the hurt, the longer the healing process will require.
Continue below to find out what these steps are, and don’t hesitate to share experiences and your thoughts in the conclusion. Before My Husband Gets Back
5 Step to Say “I’m Sorry” and Really Mean It. Before My Husband Gets Back
1. Forgive yourself
You could be thinking something like: “How on earth could I ever forgive myself?” Or “How do an apology start with ME?”
But there are numerous reasons why it’s necessary to try to make peace with yourself after you’ve made a mistake.
First of all, dwelling on thoughts that are remorseful and self-loathing is going to use all of your emotional energy up.
This is NOT going to be helpful for your marriage or you, as it keeps the focus on the PROBLEM, rather than what you can do to repair it. If you can accept the mistake you’ve made, you’ll have the ability to focus your energy on what you could do in order to make up for it.
Allow me to be clear here. By forgiving yourself, you’re not clearing yourself of any blame… You openly admit that you’ve made a mistake.
But you’re also acknowledging that the behavior you have done wrong does not mean you’re a bad person as a whole and you’ve got the opportunity to be your best self from now on…
2. Apologize to your spouse and accept full responsibility
In regards to stating sorry, the earlier the better. But, an apology needs to be said with feeling and genuine sincerity to be effective.
So you need time before you confer with your spouse, take this moment to calm down. An sarcastic or angry apology will make the situation even more worse.
As difficult as it is, look into your spouse’s eyes once you go to apologize to them.
For example; “I’m so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I understand how much you were looking forward to going out and how disappointed and hurt you must’ve felt when I came home late”.
Lastly, never never NEVER say “I’m sorry” and follow it up with a “but” or an excuse.
For example: “I’m so sorry that I forgot we had plans for dinner tonight. I know how much you were looking forward to heading out and how frustrated and hurt you must’ve felt when I came home. However, the reason why I forgot about dinner is because YOU didn’t remind me this morning. You know I’m busy with work and find it difficult to keep track of what is happening sometimes”.
This is going to make your apology meaningless, and also imply that you’re BLAMING your spouse — that is only going to push them further away.
So take full responsibility for the actions… don’t attempt to reevaluate your error to make yourself feel better (because believe me, it won’t work!) And concentrate only on YOUR actions, not your spouse’s. Before My Husband Gets Back
3. Make promises for the future
Come up with a strategy to make certain your mistake won’t be repeated in the future and communicate this to your spouse. Just make sure any promises you make can be followed upon.
“I will have absolutely no further contact with that person. I will delete him/her from my telephone, Facebook, Twitter, and will inform you instantly if he/she tries to get in touch with me.
I’m pleased to give you access to all my account and my phone if that would be helpful to you|If this would be helpful to you, I’m pleased to offer you open access. I promise to keep in regular communication with you and from now on I will always be at home when I say I will.
I really want to make this work and will do anything it takes. I will clear my schedule out of work so that I could spend as much time with you as possible — as much time as you’re comfortable with right now.” Before My Husband Gets Back
4. Accept your spouse’s reaction
A common premise that a partner frequently makes is that as soon as they have apologized, wife or their husband should stop being sad or angry and give them forgiveness.
And if this doesn’t happen, the apologizing spouse stinks and says something along the lines of: “I’ve just apologized! What more to you want me to do?! Why can’t you just accept it and move on?!”
The thing is, you can ask your husband or wife for their forgiveness, but you can not FORCE them to forgive you. Whether they do or not is their choice.
So don’t expect anything from your partner right now.
Yes, you’re making yourself vulnerable and yes, it might feel excruciating being fulfilled by the silence or angry words of your spouse. This truly is the HARDEST part about saying “I am sorry”.
Therefore avoid acting defensively AT ALL COSTS, despite the fact that this may be your first instinct — since it is only going to reverse the good you have done by apologizing.
And now is definitely not the time to begin pointing fingers and trying to get back at your spouse for whatever they’ve done.
All you can do now, as hard as it can be, is give your spouse time to come to terms with your apology and also see for themselves that the adjustments on your behaviour. Forgiveness will come with time. Before My Husband Gets Back
5. Follow your apology up with positive actions
Saying sorry is vital, but it is not enough on its own to cure your spouse’s harm and move forward. It’s the ACTIONS that follow that actually do most of the relationship repairing.
Apologies have to be backed up with positive changes in behavior, as otherwise your spouse will eliminate faith in you and also will become more hurt and betrayed consequently.
If you’ve betrayed your spouse in some way, the key is to be ABSOLUTELY transparent with your partner in future — do not try to hide or cover up anything.
Keep the lines of communication open and be fair about everything — where you’re, what you’re doing, who you are with, what you’re spending… EVERYTHING.
This may appear over-the-top, but the simple truth is that your spouse is likely to be feeling really vulnerable at the moment, and their trust in you has been shattered. So in order to their trust to be recovered, you have to leave literally zero doubts in their mind.
And keep in mind, one big gesture of flowers and chocolates once you have messed up is fine, but it’s not likely to have the identical effect as continuous small actions to improve your behavior and show your partner how much you value them.
Even if your spouse doesn’t accept your apology straight away, DO NOT GIVE UP. By continuing to show how sorry you’re through loving actions, you have the hope of regaining their love and trust. Before My Husband Gets Back